FWIW, my niece's father wasn't around for the first year of her life (his choice), it hasn't affected their relationship at all.
Just continue on the legal path you have set out on. Don't attempt to do anything like have people spy on her or facebook stalk her. If any of that comes to light, it can unfortunately go against you. As much as it may hurt to see another man being referred to as daddy to a baby that could possibly be yours, if and when paternity is established, you're still dad. Even if mom has a significant other who is a father figure from birth, you're still the baby's dad and you will have the opportunity to be in her life and have that role.
Once paternity is established, child support and visitation can and will be set up by the courts, it is not an overly expensive proposition. What generally costs a lot of money is when a parent is trying to get out of paying, or another parent has to spend the money for an attorney to go after a parent who doesn't want to pay. As a parent who is willing to pay, and wants simple visitation, it shouldn't be too complicated. There are also many father's rights groups out there who can help you. Visitation is pretty straight forward in most cases, she will not be able to block you from basic visitation without cause, and a lot of legal maneuvering on her part-which costs money.
I understand you're upset, but there's not any laws she could be prepared to hide behind, and family court is very straightforward for these kinds of things-knowing or not knowing a judge is not going to give her sway. There are other people involved in a case like this that would make that impossible. Like a Guardian et Litem, which is an individual assigned by the court to essentially represent the child, and what's in her best interest.
Good luck. I know it's not an easy proposition, and I hope you get the outcome you desire.
Thanks for that post, it's one of the more positive spins on this situation that still seems pretty realistic. All I can do is continue to play the waiting game and just pray that I can get into court and get this all settled as soon as humanly possible.
She's changed her main picture on her Instagram to her boyfriend holding the baby, so she's definitely pretty latched onto the idea of him being the father figure. I wonder if that's going to play into how this all shakes out. Maybe the court will see her as having a stable two parent system going and my inclusion as more of a burden than anything else, so they'll allow me to pay child support but not see the baby as much as they would allow if she was single. Maybe that's just me being paranoid again.
No matter what, I can't see this ending well. I can't possibly think of a scenario where we work this out amicably. I mean, I'm bending over and being Mr. polite nice guy in my attempts to talk to her and she still blocked me online and won't respond to me. Imagine when she gets that court summons. Having her hate me is not going to be good for me, even with the court system in place. She will still hold a ton of leverage.