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post #81 of 236
Glad you're standing your ground and also keeping it civil. The court set the date, not you. If she has a legitimate reason why she can't make the court date, she can take her case for postponement to the court. She's only trying to get you to postpone because she thinks she can manipulate you emotionally, which she can't do with the court. Document everything. Keep it classy. Do everything by the book according to the court. And I wouldn't worry too much about her having a legal ace up her sleeve, as pretty much everything she's done up to this point shows she's counting on manipulation and denial to get her fairy tale ending. It doesn't sound like she's done anything to date to give her a legal advantage; if anything, she's proven herself to be uncooperative and more interested in her own desires than her daughter's right to be cared for by two parents who love her. Stay the course and let the court do its job. Good luck and keep us posted!
post #82 of 236

Wow that's quite the update! I'm completely not surprised at her reaction (pretend an issue is not there until it comes crashing on her head) and I have to add, I'm very impressed with your ability not to get sucked into useless arguments and discussions.  And like the others said, I highly doubt she has anything really tricky up her sleeve. From the beginning it sounded like she relied on basic manipulation to get what she needs at the moment without a lot of thought about later consequences.  Best of luck and I hope you find out the truth soon, and if that baby girl is truly your daughter, then's she's very very lucky!

post #83 of 236

I'm glad to hear that things are moving so swiftly for you. I'll just echo what other's have said-document every single interaction you have with her. Don't meet anywhere one on one or even with witnesses outside of the court or court appointed and approved situations. I would also minimize who I spoke to about this outside of very immediate friends and family who are unquestionably supportive of you.


I know you expressed fear that the court could look at the boyfriend and the situation there and think that's stable and somehow slight you...I assure you, it DOES NOT work that way. Stay the course, the law is on your side in this situation. If she does contact you again, I would simply reply, I would prefer all contact go through the courts.  


I know she seems somewhat malicious, but it's quite possible she's just young, stupid, and made bad choices because she was and is scared s***less and doesn't have a clue. That being said, I also wouldn't trust her one tiny bit, at all-which is why I would insist all future communications go through the courts.


Good luck. Again, I hope the outcome is what you want.

post #84 of 236
Thread Starter 

I guess I was foolish to think things would go this smoothly. Four days after she told me she would see me on the 19th, she texted me today with a brand new story. She said she went and filed the paternity paperwork in her county and requested I withdraw my petition so we can do it all closer to her.


Obviously, I just want to do whatever resolves this quickest. When I told her I didn't want to wait any longer than I had to, she told me she's going to call and reschedule our original court date if I don't comply with her. Basically she is making me think that the fastest way is to do it on her terms. Of course I won't be withdrawing anything until I get her petition summons in the mail, but this really puts me in a tight spot.


Also, she said that she talked to someone who specialized in family law today (sounds like a lawyer) and she was told that it will take 6-8 weeks after we take the paternity test to get results, and the results are given in court. That just seems like a long time to wait. After I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel, it's looking like it will continue to be a massive struggle where I'm completely at her mercy.

post #85 of 236

Someone already suggested this- but you should really ask a mod to move the thread or make a new thread on the Single Parenting forum. You'll get a lot more people who are actively dealing with this kind of law there.

post #86 of 236

Document this - but agree to change NOTHING.


She has already proven herself to be extremely manipulative. Do not trust her at all. Stay the course. Seek legal counsel if you can.

post #87 of 236

Can she unilaterally reschedule the court date, or do you need to agree to it? Seems like that could be easily abused. I would definitely refuse to change it if you have a say in it.


I flagged the thread for mod review to see if a different forum would be a better fit. 

post #88 of 236

I know it seems long, but in the grand scheme of things, 6-8 weeks is barely a blink.  If the paternity testing was being done independently, you could probably get results faster, but if you go through the courts, it may well take that long just to schedule a follow-up court date.  So that's how long it takes.


Do you have a lawyer?  Your ex is trying to yank you around, and without an expert in your corner to say what the law is, and what she can and can't do, that might be unreasonably easy for her.  She shouldn't be the only one here who is talking to someone who knows a lot about family law.

post #89 of 236
Yes: apply for a court appointed lawyer if you can, if not you need to find a great lawyer who can get you a GREAT deal. Honestly, if you want the BEST legal outcome & most access? Don't communicate privately until this is over.
post #90 of 236
Don't let her jerk you around. I don't know enough to say whether she can request for the case to be moved, but it wouldn't be something that just automatically happens. If she can petition to move it, you can object, and the court would make the decision.

Like PP said, do you have a lawyer? If not, you really, really need one. This is one of the most important undertakings of your life, and you need a professional to guide you through it. There's some good advice in the single parenting forum on getting the most for your money with a lawyer.

Also, you might want to contact a father's rights advocacy group for help. There's a growing movement in this country of fathers who want to be in their children's lives, and are having to fight to make it happen.
post #91 of 236
Thread Starter 

I actually called a few lawyers today to ask about this and they seemed to think changing the venue was no big deal. Something about it just doesn't feel right though. She's so against having to drive an extra 20 minutes to come to my county... so against it that she filled out the same papers I did, got them notarized, and took them to family court. Is it just to save her some gas money? I highly doubt it. Is it to stall for another week? Maybe... She's just being so urgent about things, like how she pulled the "well I will reschedule it if you don't withdraw it" card... this is exactly what I was paranoid about. It really seemed too convenient that she would just show up at court after shutting me out for so long.


She even had the nerve to say, "I'll let you see peanut when you come down here" as some sort of way to sweeten the pot. As we know she's likely to retract that offer as she sees fit.


I just can't believe how long this whole process has to take. The baby will be 5 weeks old by the time mom even has to show up to court. Then it seems like we have a couple weeks to go get tested, and then 8 more weeks until the next court date where we find out the results. And there's sure to be road blocks along the way.

post #92 of 236

It's hard to see what her motives are but my guess is she's angry and trying to push you around out of frustration.  From what you told us so far, she does not sound like someone with clever and devious plans (unless she has someone new in her corner), more like a reactive person. I agree with the others, getting a very good lawyer should be your top priority because the consequences of what happens are going to last a life-time.

post #93 of 236
It is all about difficulty & expense, which is *often* what these cases come down to. Who can exhaust the other party first. So if the venue is in her county, if her lawyer is cheaper/free, etc, that gives her advantage. IDK that the court will give her a hardship transfer over 20 minutes, but you never know. Hang in there!
post #94 of 236
Thread Starter 

She's at it again today trying to get me to withdraw the petition in my county. It really sounds like she has talked to a professional in the field because she keeps saying "I just need to know if you'll consider doing it",  "I need an answer" , and things like that. As if she's baiting me just to say yes over a text message so she can have that locked in and ready to use against me. I just keep telling her that it depends on the date of the appearance in her county, and I don't want to make a decision until I know that.


Now she's saying that she will have to call and reschedule the one in my county, and it is going to take up to 2 months to reschedule. She's obviously saying that to try and scare me into doing what she wants, but I'm really stuck here. I called family court to try and find some answers but they don't really want to say anything at all. I know that by not giving her what she wants here, it's going to confirm her resolve to shut me out. But it seems so counterintuitive to trust her.

post #95 of 236
I would absolutely not withdraw your petition, or make any changes. If she was capable of forcing it on you, she wouldn't be trying to get your cooperation. Just show up in court on your scheduled court date - with a lawyer - unless the court itself tells you otherwise. Do not trust her, do not accommodate her. She is trying to stop you from getting justice.
post #96 of 236
Stop communicating. She is using your relationship & desire for relationship to manipulate you. Courts don't automatically reschedule: it is only 20 minutes away.
post #97 of 236

If she has really sought out a professional, the FIRST THING they would have told her was to not communicate with you directly.  She's continuing to manipulate you.  You need to stop having any contact with her that isn't directly through the courts.  If she wants the date changed she will have to appear in person and request it, or if she doesn't show up, then they will reschedule, and it will go against her. 


She's still trying to get her way, any you continuing to talk to her or let anything she says have any impact on you is letting her get away with it. Stop talking to her, the wheels are already set in motion.  If you were to withdraw and then come to find out she was lying about doing anything in her own county, it COULD take much longer for everything to happen if you were to file again.  She already tried to make you disappear by ignoring you, why in the world would you assume she would just suddenly be so accommodating of getting paternity established? 


Stay the course.


ETA: "Confirm her resolve to shut you out"??  She has already shut you out.  She didn't call you out of the blue with a change of heart, she's talking to you because you took your justified legal action against her-and she's hoping she can charm her way out of it.

post #98 of 236
It's also pretty ridiculous that you don't have a lawyer yet. If she shows up with a lawyer, and you show up alone, you are screwed. Even if she shows up alone, you may still get screwed without a lawyer, because the system still does favor mothers, no matter how much they're trying to be fair these days.

If you had a lawyer right now, you'd know if she was filing something that could hurt you, or if there was something more you could do right now to protect yourself.

You. Need. A. Lawyer. NOW.
post #99 of 236
And you may very well qualify for legal assistance, altho depending on your location may not mean you get someone competent.
post #100 of 236

I'm going to echo what the others said: Please stop communicating with her. And get a lawyer ASAP. If I were in your shoes, I'd put getting a good lawyer ahead of getting food and shelter. This is a big moment and in the whole scheme of your life, the money spent here will be insignificant.

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