I found out 2 days ago that I am pregnant... and I'm so emotionally confused and overwhelmed. I didn't want any more children. I'm 29 years old and I'm raising 4 little boys, ages 7, 4,4, and 18 months. I was using OPK's and monitoring my cervical changes to avoid conceiving because I don't like putting chemicals into my body. I'm nursing my toddler and have only had 2 periods, and they were very irregular, but I swear that I THOUGHT I hadn't even ovulated since my last period 39 days ago!!
I think that I may have O'd right after my period ended. I did have one day where my cervix seemed kind of soft but NOT very high or open.... I don't make EWCM so that makes things a little more complicated, as far as monitoring the changes.
Anyway, I am NOT thrilled. I am a SAHM and I homeschool my kids. We are just barely making ends meet. We will need a new, bigger vehicle... but we JUST bought one in April. We will need to find a bigger apartment on a very tight budget, and we live in CT where it's SO expensive. We will probably end up in a "unsavory" area until we can pay off our debt and start looking for a house in the next 2-3 years.
I'm not sure how I'm going to handle another child when I'm already dealing with anxiety, some depression, and a lot of stress :(
At the same time, I'm now afraid to have a miscarriage or a child with health problems. It's such a confusing feeling. I know my family is going to give me HELL, and I have a few friends who just might hate me now because they are dealing with secondary infertility. I had a dream one of them saw my positive test-- BEFORE I KNEW I WAS PREGNANT! WEIRD!-- and she freaked out on me. I told her about the dream and we kinda had a laugh about it but now... is she going to think I knew I was pregnant and was testing her reaction or something?? Yikes. It's going to seem sooooo shady.
I know I will come around. My toddler was unplanned, and he is my happiest, easiest child! Right now, though, I can't find the excitement or happiness. I have a dating U/S on Friday since I have no idea how far along I am. It doesn't seem real yet. Maybe seeing the baby ( if I'm far enough along, I don't tend to be able to see a HB or baby until after 6-7 weeks) will help.