Edited by ronart - 5/27/13 at 12:17pm
How old is your child? Is your wife nursing? I feel for you. You do sound like you're complaining, but it's a fair complaint.
LQ1011's answer, while blunt and flippant, is definitely part of the answer. Wash your own clothes. Start today. This is easy. I am a stay-at-home mom, my husband works50 hours a week and has washed his own clothes since he was a teen. And that man is a clothes horse, has 3 times more clothes than I do.
Make dinner for the family. Not every day, but regularly. Doesn't have to be complex. I tell you, it's a relief to me when my husband simply calls for takeout, goes and brings it home and sets out the dishes. However, if I was your wife, and you didn't know how to cook, I would deeply appreciate it if you learned how to cook a hot meal or two. Boil spaghetti, heat a jar of sauce, make a salad. Set the table.
Change the poopy diapers. At least once a day. And be insistent. I bet the first time you offer to change your kid's diaper she's going to look at you like you've grown a second head. Just say, "Come on, I'll do this one. You finish what you're doing/finish your breakfast/stare into space."
Don't allow yourself to be spoiled! It's just not okay.
There's also the whole emotional aspect of parenthood, and how this changes your relationship, but I've gotta go. Suffice it to say, you aren't alone at all. Marriage with children is really tough.
Thanks for your post. I agree with you, while sex is a form of love and affection it is not the only necessary means at maintaining a passionate and affectionate relationship. While our sex life has diminished considerably, it is so far from what I truly find missing in our relationship. The simple touch and warmth of your partners body cuddled into your own is such a healing feeling. An affectionate moment of eyes locked, hands touching, and a gentle kiss on the lips is enough to charge my battery for the day. Sex does not have to be the end all of every passionate gesture, though as a guy we do wish it is, but as a loving partner it does not need to be.
Could you provide some suggestions on what type of 'little reminders" would work from your partner to you?
Actually, what you just described as NOT sexual forms of affection are exactly the things that drive me nuts - "affectionate moment of eyes locked, hands touching"....In the relationship between my partner and I, I'm so engulfed in my life with my young daughter that I feel like there's no foundation for that sort of affection. For me, it has to go back to the kind of feelings that lead us to WANT to lock eyes and touch hands. Pre-romantic relationship type of feelings. I need to be reminded why I'm the one that he fell in love with - because I need to be reminded that I'm a person beyond being a mother. Suggestions...I want my partner to notice the little things I'm good at and compliment them. I want him to smile at the way I tell a story. I want him to spontaneously tell me that I'm cute. I guess I can't explain it very well, but I just really want to see him respond to my not-mommy self.
But...I also would not argue if someone did a chore for me unasked :)
I am an affectionate person and I have high libido but if I was your wife, I would be doing the same thing. Why would I be affectionate with a "spoiled" person who does nothing around the house?
Start helping more.
Get a housekeeper if you can afford it.
Establish a weekly date night. Either hire a babysitter or trade babysitting with other couple.
After baby goes to sleep, take a bath together. Massage her back. Give affection without expecting anything back.
Take a child to a park and let her nap.
Go to marriage counseling
I am tired of men getting a free pass.
It did not matter how many hours I worked or work, or how many jobs, I still took care of kids and housework.
And yet I had to hear from my ex "But I worked long hours"
So what? We all work hard but somehow more women manage to do other things on top of work.
And it is not amount of house work that counts, it is doing something that helps!