Originally Posted by lilgreen
Yeah, and X sure wouldn't do any cleaning. He'd probably 'accidentally' leave women's underpants lying around or a dead fish hidden in a cupboard just to make me angry. If the respect wasn't there in the marriage, it sure wont be there after. I hear about the rare case where things like this happen bc the parents can get along so well. My question to them is, why then did you ever get divorced? All I wanted was to be respected.
I think there are other reasons in a marriage that warrant divorce aside from outright abuse. When I went to the parenting class that our state requires of all divorcing parents of minors, I heard many stories of different parenting arrangements and a lot of different kinds of marital breakup.
One other mom was doing really well with her ex--they had the children living in the family home and were sharing custody by having the parents stay with them during their nights of the week. She said that even though her marriage had tanked because of an unspecified action of her husband's (I'm guessing infidelity) that had both of their families furious with him, she was getting along with him pretty well and things were working out.
I would never do the house sharing thing in a million years, because my ex is at the very least a slob, and possibly a hoarder. I am doing another custody-sharing arrangement: my ex picks up the kid in the morning and take him to school (or summer camp) and I pick him up in the evenings, even on the days when he sleeps at his dad's. it is not a perfect arrangement, but it's working and it's not as stressful as you'd think. We split each week, 3/4, 4/3, 3/4, 4/3.
I think you have to choose your custody arrangements based on what makes sense in YOUR relationship. If you can't stand to see your ex, don't set something up where you'll see him daily. Lilgreen's situation is terrible and there's no way she could ever do the kind of time sharing I'm doing. Springshowers, you are in the worst phase of the whole thing--trying to figure out what is really going to work. The problem with public policy on divorce is that it doesn't take into account the big variations in marriages and the people getting out of them.