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post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

My ex and I had agreed to a binding agreement by a mediator, because we had such different ideas about what would work for a child with our son's needs (and my husband's short fuse/temper).


She came in with weekdays with me, and weekends with Dad. At the three month review, she gave me 1 weekend a month, too, because my ex wasn't allowing my son to keep extended family connections. The best part of the schedule is that my son and I finally have some stability and predictability in our day to day. I do miss my down-time with my son, since we used to be on our own a lot of weekends, and now he is gone most weekends.  I think it is harder to get him to follow all the day to day directions without that low-key reconnection time the weekends offer. The weekend I do have him, everyone who is missing him, from my family to all his friends he does not zee at his Dad's have us booked solid.  But he is doing so much better now than last fall when X insisted on a more highly shared fit.



The second best part is I can breathe a bit, "I think 9 days a month, he probably won't kill him in 9 days a month. I bet he can pull up enough patience for 9 days a month..." Though there still are regular safety lapses that scare me.


So while I was relieved, my ex was furious. He blames me and my family, for not letting him stay in the inner circle (which we would have; if he would have gotten help with his anger). He pressed criminal charges against my Dad with things he completely made up. He lunged at my Dad and chased him out of my house and my Dad was calm and collected then and the many other times they have been together when X was angry (my Dad came to most exchanges to keep me safe) but my X told the court my Dad hit him!!!


Then, he wrote 22 pages of motions against me with blatant lies. He claims he was the primary caregiver when my son was little (stay at home mom here); that I breastfed until six (I weaned at 2 and a half); and that my seven year old thrusts his pelvis at me (yes, he is clingy since the separation, but never that).


Ex is going to use our retirement to get a GAL, and use these claims to try and impress the GAL that he should have custody of our child. I just want this to end, and keep the continuity and stability that has benefitted my son going strong.


Has anyone here gone through the GAL process? What do I need to do protect myself and my boy in this?

Edited by julianito - 11/27/13 at 3:00pm
post #2 of 3

Oh I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. I have no advice but wanted to say ,stay strong mama!!!!

post #3 of 3

Well, I would start by getting yourself an attorney who is willing to fight for what is best for you and your child if you don't already have an attorney. 


Second, when talking to the GAL, do not speak ill of your stbx, if s/he brings him up(this is likely a test to see if you will be negative about your stbx, which can have a negative impact on you), simply say that your child is thriving with the current arrangement.  Which also appears to suit your stbx's temperament only discuss facts that you can prove (and only when directly asked, do not volunteer, you will have a chance to bring up all the negative stuff in court, if it goes that far).  And then change the subject. 


BTW, if the altercation with your Dad was started by your stbx and involved your stbx hitting him first, your Dad can press charges against him (which he should have done when it happened).  And if your dad hit in retaliation, well, your dad needs to control himself and not engage with your stbx, at all. 


Another thing, never agree to give your stbx all of the fun time.  That simply isn't fair to you (oh, and I would bring up in court that your stbx is only retaliating because you got some of the fun time so that your kids can be a part of the extended family.  Which your stbx was not allowing at all) or your kids. 


If I were in your shoes, I would make all exchanges for kids in a public place so that your stbx will behave himself.  And should he ever hit you or anyone in your family, do not hit back.  Simply call the police and have him arrested for assault.  That won't go over well for him in court.  Especially if it is in front of the kids. 

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