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Mothering › Groups › September 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Weekly Chat -- May 27 - June 2

Weekly Chat -- May 27 - June 2

post #1 of 47
Thread Starter 

I didn't see a new weekly chat here yet, so i thought i'd start this one!
 

how is everyone doing this week? 

 

DF and i have been getting this "Welcome to Parenthood!" feeling a lot the last few weeks. we're both getting the feeling like stuff is happening as if it's supposed to prepare us for what's to come.

 

we barely finished up our move (in fact, have more work to do at the old place still, and the new place still isn't set up yet and still full of boxes everywhere), then right afterwards my ferret got sick. she's been sick for 1 1/2 weeks now even though we had her hospitalized pretty much right away. some drama this weekend with incompetent staff at emergency clinics etc.. but she seems stable now. 

 

DF and i have both been SO looking forward to having this 3-day weekend all to ourselves to rest up and catch up on sleep, get settled in and not doing anything else.. and then yesterday we lost the entire day to pet hospital runs. of course it feels like it's a lesson on making up a plan and then abandoning it to take care of whatever is most urgent at that point. 

 

we were both so exhausted afterwards that we fell right into bed at 6pm. today is the last day of this weekend and i dread going back to work tomorrow and having to squeeze everything that needs to get done into the time outside of 9-5. i'm starting to wonder if we're just not ever going to FIND the time to catch up on sleep.. again, is that what i can expect from parenthood? that you're just not getting that break you need so badly, and somehow you'll learn to function even without that? 

 

next weekend we are planning a little bit of a social outing (not sure yet), and in 1 1/2 weeks we're starting our birthing class. then we'll also be touring the hospitals in our area, and i'll be looking into a breastfeeding class. i've never started on a weekly exercise class like prenatal yoga or anything, those things seem to be reserved for people without jobs.. class at 11am or 2pm, stuff like that. not sure if i'll still start on that at some point. right now i'm feeling like the remaining months are pretty much planned out, and that we're having this baby probably before we know it.

post #2 of 47

I've been having a lot of that "welcome to parenthood" feeling as in inventory the baby stuff we've gotten from friends already and made lists of things we still want to get. My husband has also requested that I start a "hospital bag" list even though it's way early days yet.

 

We had a super-productive weekend. We're moving in July so on Saturday we got a truck from the co-op and took a pile of stuff to the dump and then took our old crappy mattress to the mattress recycling and purchased some storage bins for kitchen and bathroom items. We also looked at a possible living space which we ended up rejecting. And then we collapsed in a tired heap at the end of the day.
Sunday we cleaned an entire floor of the house and mailed some stuff off to my brother (he was our roommate for a while and left some of his things with us), went to archery class and then to a dinner with our martial arts class staff. I got to talk babies with someone I pretty much never see which was GREAT, I missed talking to her a lot. And then we got home and collapsed in a heap again.

Phew!

Now I've got to squeeze a bunch more household stuff in around work which seems so much harder.

post #3 of 47

I'm thrilled that my cervix is long and hard and high and I can rest assured for the moment.  They prescribed progesterone suppositories to take every evening to relax my uterus so that maybe I won't have to spend the whole summer on bedrest!  :)  An ounce of prevention, perhaps?

Everything else is kinda ok here.  I have to let the cat out of the bag with the people I do work with tomorrow since I'll be in person and I can no longer hide my belly! (normally I work from home so I'm not 'out' as pregnant yet).  I was hoping to get more and more hours and even a full time job offer from then so I've been avoiding telling them about the pregnancy so they wouldnt write me off.  Let's see....

post #4 of 47

We're also getting a little more real about becoming parents lately, too.  I have had no nesting impulse so far so we hadn't really even discussed things about rearranging the house, preparing space or buying new furniture for the baby. I think some of this is due to the fact that we will be going to the States to have the baby and will be there for at least his first two months, plus I'm hoping my parents' friends will help me out a lot at a baby shower they are planning. But then over the weekend I brought up rearranging the house and getting ready for our son and my partner said he had been thinking about it, too.

 

We made a few plans about how to use space.  It's funny, cause friends keep telling me my house is perfect since it is a 2-bedroom, assuming we would want the second bedroom for a nursery.  But the idea of having a baby sleep in a separate room, when he will be waking us up every couple hours and I know I will be wanting to look at him every five minutes, just seems crazy.  So our plan is to concentrate all of our excess junk in the second bedroom and have the baby sleep in our room.  We want to get some kind of furniture we can keep his clothes and diapers in, preferably with a surface we can use as a changing table.

 

We are also trying to decide about whether to have him sleep in our bed or not.  I worry about one of us (well, really just my partner) rolling over on the baby, kicking/swatting him in our sleep or knocking him onto the floor.  I also worry a little about our cat, who also sleeps with us. Right now I have a portable bassinet on our baby registry.  It seems like a good solution with adjustable height and one side that can fold down so you can just push it up against your bed.  Then there's the question of a mosquito net.  We don't usually use one, but they are recommended for babies by the Ministry of Health here because of the risk of dengue fever.  Should I get a little one just for his bassinet or one big one that fits over our bed and his bassinet.  Ack, so many things to figure out.  Not to mention figuring out what to do about a pediatrician.

post #5 of 47

vc, funny that you mentioned your yoga classes are at odd hours, those would be perfect for me. My line of work is such that I work when everyone else gets off work, 5pm-7pm are peak hours for me, and all the yoga classes here are after work.

 

lilmamita, I don't think I would trust a cat in the same bed as a baby, just my two cents. A mosquito net that covers your bed and potentially the bassinet if you're going to use one seems like a catch-all solution, that way you wouldn't have to worry if you wanted to keep the baby in your bed for a while and only the bassinet had the netting.

 

Sounds like we're not the only ones who had a productive weekend.

We painted the front of the house, replaced the outdoor light and put new house numbers up. We had workers come and chop down a dead tree in the back yard. We got quotes for window replacements and looked at carpet. I took care of a stack of old magazines, tearing out recipes, ideas for the back yard etc.

And we relaxed a bit with the new episodes of Arrested Development.

I need to discuss birthing classes with DH so we can pick one. Overall we're doing well, getting stuff done, not feeling too frantic yet.

post #6 of 47
Thread Starter 

wow we're all being so productive!! i'm loving this second trimester thing :) 

 

dakipode, man we should switch locations or something.. i checked ALL the yoga places in my area, and either they're not offering any prenatal stuff, or they're in the middle of the day. there's not a single class after work hours! too bad really, that one yoga place that looked good to me also offered something called "mindfulness-based birthing / parenting class" but that too was in the middle of the day. DF and i would have loved to take that one! 

 

lilmamita / re cats in same bed as baby, i wouldn't do it either. i've heard too many horror stories probably of cats falling asleep on top of babies.. :O we are planning to make the baby room inaccessible for our pets (starting right now since we just moved into this new house, so it's easier than to teach the pets something new later on). i hadn't thought about having the baby sleep with us at all so far, but i'm liking the idea. does seem to make a lot more sense than to keep it in a separate room! hmm..

 

DF and i made good use of this holiday, right after posting my update above i went back to bed and managed to catch a bit more sleep. we spent a long time just cuddling and talking instead of actually doing anything, which i felt was so needed after yesterday's pet drama and all. i then took care of all my finances, changing addresses etc, which had been overdue for a while now. went and got groceries, then went back to the old house, DF cleaned it out and we went back to our new place with two car loads full of stuff!

 

i had hoped to repot some plants this weekend, but it's not looking like i'm gonna be doing any of that now. it's time for my ferret's meds again, which will take a bit more than an hour incl. waiting time in between different meds, force-feeding :( , etc. i might put away the laundry after that, or start on filling up our book shelves again. 

post #7 of 47

About cats in the bedroom - we're planning to wait and see what the cats' initial reaction to the baby is. If you search in the forums here, most people report that the cats were either uninterested in the baby, or very definitely did not want to be near.

 

We've previously had to lock our cats out of the bedroom when we were trying to figure out if DH's asthma was allergy based, and it was utter hell. Weeks into keeping them out, they would still meow pitifully outside the door for significant amounts of time. On the other hand, they're very consistent about sleeping with us - they´re always in the exact same area - and we've taught them to never get between us or step on us. So based on their personalities and on this, we're going to wait and see how they act towards the baby.

 

ETA: Our initial sleeping plan is bed sharing with the baby between us. We'll probably get a bassinet / co-sleeper, must mostly to appease the grandparents, who will be visiting, and for naps.

post #8 of 47

Baby between the adults?  Hmmm, I've never tried that.  I've always been the goalie between out-like-a-light man and baby.

We lock out cats out of our bedroom and they now, after crying for 7 months at the door wishing to be in with us, have ceased doing so unless they can hear that we are awake in the morning and they are losing their patience waiting for us to come out and feed them.  Then they may start mewling at the door for us to hurry up and join them for the day.  It has been hard, but my DF insisted that our sleeping place was a peaceful sanctuary, with no friendly, loving cats licking noses or walking on us to try to sleep in the crook of our neck.  Our cats are just way too affectionate.

 

I'll either have the bed pushed up against the wall to provide the barrier that will keep baby from rolling on the floor once she can roll, or then we'll get an extender co-sleeping piece of furniture to fill up the space between wall and bed.  

 

Those of you who are first time moms, you'll be amazed at how utterly aware you are, every single moment, of your infant's status, while you sleep right next to him/her.  Your breathing and heartbeat becomes a pacemaker for you baby and you two will flow through similar sleep cycles, and once I even woke up suddenly and checked to see if my baby was breathing (like I always did as a scared first time mom) and for two or three scary seconds I realized he wasn't! I nudged him of course, and he stirred and started breathing again.  I think mama's brain activity during sleep (which also notices baby's every function) is an excellent safety net to prevent SIDS.  It was also amazing how my body position never moved during the night, once I got some support pillows to make it very comfortable to relax and breastfeed on my side with my head on my pillow.  I just sleep like that and let baby nurse when he wakes and feels like it and if one of my sons woke properly and woke me up I'd change a diaper in lightning fashion there in the bed, and latch the kid back on,and go back to sleeping.  But usually, quiet/peaceful/restful nights for all.  It's my number one parenting strategy for the first year at least:  cosleeping and BFing on demand.  Cause if mama don't get decent sleep, everything else in the family is a far secondary concern.   My sleep is the very foundation that a functioning family life is built on, for me!  :)

post #9 of 47
Speaking of sleep... I'm not sleeping right now because the brain won't stop!

I'm awake right now thinking about the eventful weekend and it's just bothering me that I'm exposed to this sort of crap still in my life.

My sister smokes and drinks. She does so around her 5yo like its no big deal. It really bothers me. Drinking is something I do in front of DD too (well did) and I usually regret it. I feel like too much exposure to this is detrimental and she will end up trying alcohol because mommy loves her wine and daddy loves beer and it's been around her whole life.

My new awesome raw-milk drinking, gluten-free eating, gardening pro mama friend came over with her husband for dinner last night. She makes an awesome southern feast (including fried green tomatoes!) and once the drinks start flowing (not for me of course) they start talking about drugs and their past. All in front of her 9 year old daughter (who's autistic and is wonderful with 3yo DD!). My DH has NO filter and starts going as well. It was highly irritating to be around, honesty but I'm trying to not judge her! She's so great! I then am discovering her and her husband take prescription drugs and after going to their house a few times and seeing bottles left out everywhere, I realize they might take these drugs habitually.

I feel like it's NOT something my daughter, myself or DH needs to be around. We both come from families that have issues in alcohol and drug abuse and we both agree its wrong. But DH seems to not think it's a big deal if my new mama friend smokes a cigarette in front of DD? Um what? Luckily, she could tell the smoke was bothering me and put it out. Both DH and I quit (although I still think he smokes) before I got pregnant with DD several times then once I did-- gave it up for good!

What do you sage mamas do in these situations? I feel like I have to limit our getting together now with this new family because I just can't be around that kind of thing while pregnant or nursing a baby. But then think maybe I just need to relax and not judge. If DH can't figure out how to behave himself that should not be my problem either. What do you think?
post #10 of 47

I let my sons see me have a glass of wine. Not daily, not even once a week, but occasionally.  Sometimes it's two glasses.  A relaxed attitude about a glass of wine in the evening-usually with a meal, especially when it's only occasional, is certainly fine in my opinion.

 

As for drinking beer every day, meh.  One after getting home from work and unwinding/putting feet up..... maybe?  But drinking beer after beer in front of kids doesn't set a good example.  The problem is I don't know of many people who drink one beer occasionally, like I know people who do so (myself included) with wine.  Usually beer drinking is either a daily habit and not just one, or then it's reserved for social outings.  As far as I have noticed.

 

Being suspicious about this couple habitually using prescription drugs is a pretty big suspicion.  I'd inquire about that one lightly, or your friend might get defensive and feel accused.  I don't know what basis you have for being suspicious so I can't tell you if it's rational or not.

 

Talking about using drugs in the past?  I think that's fine if the kids present are clearly not able to follow the topic of the conversation or have any idea as to the content.

 

Smoking around pregnant women and children is SO NOT OK.  Yuck.  She needs to only do it when there are no pregnant women or children around, and even then should ask nonsmokers around her if it's ok BEFORE she lights up.  Second hand smoke kills.

 

Ok those are my .02 cents

post #11 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by chispita View Post

About cats in the bedroom - we're planning to wait and see what the cats' initial reaction to the baby is. If you search in the forums here, most people report that the cats were either uninterested in the baby, or very definitely did not want to be near.

 


We didn't plan on bedsharing but we did from day 1, with DS between us, mostly nestled in the crook of my arm while I lay on my back.  We didn't worry too much about the cats after that first night, because they were totally MIA for a few weeks, then resumed their posts between our feet.  I wasn't worried about it as much as I was worried about covers, pillows, etc. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina33 View Post

Those of you who are first time moms, you'll be amazed at how utterly aware you are, every single moment, of your infant's status, while you sleep right next to him/her.

Agreed! 

post #12 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina33 View Post

Baby between the adults?  Hmmm, I've never tried that.  I've always been the goalie between out-like-a-light man and baby.

It's not the initial recommendation in most cases because father is less in tune initially with the baby than mother. But our bed is huge and DH hardly moves through the night, and even when he does it's just rolling over in place, without taking up more space.

 

tilly - the drinking think I'm a bit on the fence about. If you guys just have the occasional drink, it seems like the easiest thing would be to not make a big deal about it. My mother made a big deal about whether I drank and how much (because her father was an alcoholic, and one of our family members from our side was an addict), once I was legally able to (different age where I come from), and it was just so ... stupid. I mean, I was a good kid, and even though I did occasionally get drunk, it just felt like she made a mountain out of something that was not a big deal. I can understand her worries better now that I am older, but they still seem pretty excessive considering how I was.

 

Maybe make sure drinking in front of the kids remains an occasional thing, and when it happens don't make a big deal about it?

 

Smoking around kids is one of those things that really baffle me, though I'm looking at it through the lens of cultural differences (and being a cigarette smoker till I got pregnant). None of my friends here have kids or smoke, so it was never an issue in the US - only when I went back to Spain for Christmas. I would never even think of smoking around kids unless we were out in the street and the parents explicitly okayed it. I was always surprised that they would be surprised by my asking even outdoors. Indoors, it wasn't even an option, even if the parents said I could (unless they themselves smoked).

 

We actually had a related episode with my friends last Saturday, and I'm still upset at them. We to a friends apartment (no balcony) to have dinner and play board games. There were only 5 of us there, though we knew the rest of the gang might drop by later, as they were elsewhere drinking and most likely smoking. So everything's cool and then the rest of our group of friends show up - drunk and somewhat high. A couple of them go straight towards the window and light up a joint. WTF?!?? We just walked up and left, obviously. And some of them were even wondering why we left, sigh.

 

DH was furious, I was more disappointed. Because I now feel that I can't just join my friends in a relaxed way when were hanging out at someone's place (there are three apartments we hang out - one I've been avoiding since before I got pregnant because smoking always happens there, the one we went to the other day is usually OK till late at night, and the third one had always been fine except that DH went there last Friday and he said it was pretty much  submarine), so yeah, that sucks.

post #13 of 47

vc2013 - thanks for starting the new chat thread. Glad to hear your ferret is doing better.

We too are starting childbirth classes soon (June 14th). They offered 3 different options, 4 classes for women only, 5 classes for couples or all 9 classes. We're doing all 9 classes but I'm a little unsure of why there are so many women only classes, guess I'll find out... As a newbie, it seems strange since DH and I are so close, we're having a home birth (he's my partner) and I share everything with him... I'm afraid I'll learn something and forget to pass it on to him (with my forgetful pregnancy brain). I can understand one or 2 women only classes for discussing things some women might feel uncomfortable discussing in front of men/partners, but 4 classes without him just seems a little much to me. Maybe those of you who have gone through this scenario can enlighten me? 

 

lilmamita - my vote is the mosquito net to cover both your bed and bassinet:) We're not setting up a separate bedroom/nursery at this time either. I just think it will be much easier to have him sleep in the same room with us. Not sure if he will be in the bed or in a bassinet next to the bed, probably a little of both. Keeping options open and will just see what works best. At our last midwife appt., she described how she placed her baby between her pillow and her DH pillow, up by their heads. This way her face was close to baby and able to keep a close eye and easy for breastfeeding as well. I think we'll give this a shot and have the bassinet there just in case.

 

About cats in the bedroom... I've had cats sleep with me the majority of my life. Since we moved into this house, we decided to make our master bedroom cat free and our cats adjusted to it quite well. They do have each other to sleep with though, so that's something to think about. I think a solitary cat might feel rejected and lonely... Overall, I think it really depends on the cats personality, sleeping habits, etc... I don't see Chispita having a problem as hers seems to have a pretty good routine. And, I too have read most cats don't show a lot of interest, but you'll probably have to wait and see like so many things! Good luck:)

 

dakipode - I LOVE Arrested Development! I was so bummed when it was cancelled. Did the new series start already? If so, I've got to check it out! 

 

tillymonster - sorry you're stressing about your weekend, the drinking & smoking stuff... That sucks:( I don't have experience since I'm new at all of this but I definitely agree with other posters about the no smoking thing! I think seeing adults who drink responsibly can be a good example. Neither of my parents were big drinkers, my mom never really drank at all and my dad was a one beer every once in a while kind of guy and would enjoy a nice nip of scotch with his father in law every now and then. As an adult, I'm not an alcoholic but certainly love my pre dinner glass of wine or beer and enjoy another glass or 2 with dinner (of course not during pregnancy). I'm already thinking about breastfeeding and possibly pumping every once in a while so I can have a couple of guilt free drinks. Anyone else do that? If so, how long do you have to wait after having a drink to breastfeed again? Geez, maybe I do have a drinking problem!! hee hee

 

So, my DH has decided that I have created a new language since being pregnant. I apparently moan, groan, sigh, grunt and emit undecipherable vocalizations these days. I don't even really notice it until he asks me what's wrong or is everything OK? I tell him to ignore me and that I'm fine but I think I'm driving him nuts;p

post #14 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by dakipode View Post

lilmamita, I don't think I would trust a cat in the same bed as a baby, just my two cents.

I second this. Honestly, animal dander in the room the baby is usually sleeping in just isn't a great idea, even if the cat decides not to sleep anythere near baby. We began locking our cats out of the bedroom a few years back and it made a HUGE difference to DH's asthma once we got the room really cleaned out of animal dander. It took the cats a while to get used to it but as Serafina mentioned, now it only bothers them if we sleep in too late and they want breakfast. It was SO worth it though. And since we did it before DS was born, now I don't have to worry that the animal dander will bother his lungs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chispita View Post

Our initial sleeping plan is bed sharing with the baby between us. We'll probably get a bassinet / co-sleeper, must mostly to appease the grandparents, who will be visiting, and for naps.

It is not recommended that baby sleep beside dad, only beside mom. Mom has the built in instinct to know where baby is at all times - even the very best of dads just doesn't. Typical recommendation for cosleeping is to have baby sleep on the side of the bed against a wall, crib, bassinet, cosleeper, or bed rail, then mom in the middle and dad on the other side. Also, if baby is sleeping in the bed, you have to think about blankets - nothing near the baby, no extra blankets or pillows that might get onto or around the baby. That is much easier to do with the baby on one side, rather than in the middle.

And on the sleeping in bed note - we didn't plan for DS to bedshare with us. We had a bassinet that we planned he would sleep in beside the bed. Well, day 1 we figured out that that was NOT going to happen! he hated the bassinet and would wake up from a deep sleep the instant he was put in it. So we sort of fell into bedsharing because we didn't have a backup plan smile.gif I'm SO glad we did, because as Serafina said, it sure made for a more relaxing, restful night in the long run!
post #15 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina33 View Post

I let my sons see me have a glass of wine. Not daily, not even once a week, but occasionally.  Sometimes it's two glasses.  A relaxed attitude about a glass of wine in the evening-usually with a meal, especially when it's only occasional, is certainly fine in my opinion.

 

As for drinking beer every day, meh.  One after getting home from work and unwinding/putting feet up..... maybe?  But drinking beer after beer in front of kids doesn't set a good example.  The problem is I don't know of many people who drink one beer occasionally, like I know people who do so (myself included) with wine.  Usually beer drinking is either a daily habit and not just one, or then it's reserved for social outings.  As far as I have noticed.

 

Being suspicious about this couple habitually using prescription drugs is a pretty big suspicion.  I'd inquire about that one lightly, or your friend might get defensive and feel accused.  I don't know what basis you have for being suspicious so I can't tell you if it's rational or not.

 

Talking about using drugs in the past?  I think that's fine if the kids present are clearly not able to follow the topic of the conversation or have any idea as to the content.

 

Smoking around pregnant women and children is SO NOT OK.  Yuck.  She needs to only do it when there are no pregnant women or children around, and even then should ask nonsmokers around her if it's ok BEFORE she lights up.  Second hand smoke kills.

 

Ok those are my .02 cents

 

Yeah I was annoyed with the smoking. I totally agree-- if the parents do it all the childs' life, whose to say they wont feel OK about doing it as adults? I am so flipy-floppy about these issues. But smoking is just GROSS so if I can avoid being around that I'll do it. Drinking wine is part of my life. I even thought seriously about becoming a sommelier and taking courses in viticulture. So, me not having wine around is just not reality, unfortunately. Drugs I do not take, nor condone taking in ANY way. I experimented too much when I was too young and promised myself when I had kids, I'd do as much as I could to prevent it from happening to my kids. So the drug talk annoys me. But I need to figure out how to approach it, because keeping DD ignorant isn't the best course either. 

 

I don't want to ruin a new friendship over this. I wont accuse her of anything, I just worry that is what's going on with her and her hubs. UGH it's so hard. I feel like there are so many people who smoke pot habitually and take RX drugs. I don't do either and really try and live naturally (I realize pot is natural, but I personally don't like it), so it's hard for me to find anyone else these days who does the same. Just watch TV in the evening around 6-8pm and all you see are pharma companies pushing drugs. It's a weird time we live in. But this is just my opinion and I'm a bit of a hypocrite lol.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuzieSmiles View Post

tillymonster - sorry you're stressing about your weekend, the drinking & smoking stuff... That sucks:( I don't have experience since I'm new at all of this but I definitely agree with other posters about the no smoking thing! I think seeing adults who drink responsibly can be a good example. Neither of my parents were big drinkers, my mom never really drank at all and my dad was a one beer every once in a while kind of guy and would enjoy a nice nip of scotch with his father in law every now and then. As an adult, I'm not an alcoholic but certainly love my pre dinner glass of wine or beer and enjoy another glass or 2 with dinner (of course not during pregnancy). I'm already thinking about breastfeeding and possibly pumping every once in a while so I can have a couple of guilt free drinks. Anyone else do that? If so, how long do you have to wait after having a drink to breastfeed again? Geez, maybe I do have a drinking problem!! hee hee

 

So, my DH has decided that I have created a new language since being pregnant. I apparently moan, groan, sigh, grunt and emit undecipherable vocalizations these days. I don't even really notice it until he asks me what's wrong or is everything OK? I tell him to ignore me and that I'm fine but I think I'm driving him nuts;p

 

As a new mom I was so paranoid about drinking and nursing. As my daughter grew, I became more and more educated about lactation. I did have a pump but honestly, couldn't stand the thing after awhile and just decided to wait till she was older to drink wine (the only thing I ever drink). I really only started to have ANY around age 1-1.5yo. Honestly, I was so tired it wasn't appealing at all to go out. After reading about how lactation works, the alcohol ratio isn't a 1:1 potency, the amount of alcohol in your blood is the same as your breastmilk, so your baby will get *some* alcohol, but not much at ALL unless you drink a heck of a lot. You can look up this info on the MOST comprehensive website for breastfeeding, http://www.kellymom.com.

 

If you give a dose of Tylenol when they are teething say, they'd get more alcohol directly from that, then they would from your breastmilk! No joke! One or two glasses (3 even!) is nothing, and does nothing. You sound responsible, and believe me, your mama instincts will take over and you'll know what YOU are comfortable with. I would eat with my wine, so that it helped with digestion and lessens how long my body would take to filter out the alcohol too. My issue was everyone else. People seriously thought when I drank ONE glass of wine (which during holidays, it was more then one lol) that I would get DD drunk. My sister even said she'd sleep better. Um... I wish! twins.gif It was total ignorance on her part, but rather than try and explain it, I just wouldn't partake in front of people who just wouldn't get it. 

 

You want to keep a supply of BM in the freezer in case of an emergency, like say if you were hospitalized. That can be used of course when you go out, but you'll still want to pump just to feel comfortable if you're gone more then an hour, you want those breasts emptied as much as possible to avoid mastitis and supply issues. Get a good hand pump and bring it in your purse. You should express enough to get comfortable, then nurse or pump-and-dump when you get home. Personally, I'd nurse when I got back from drinking (provided I felt ok) rather then pump because I hated to pump! Dumping the milk isn't necessary, you could mix it with other milk you pumped the next day and it'd be harmless! I never did that, as it wasn't my preference. I felt guilty about it because OTHERS made me feel like that. It's another annoying part of becoming a new mom and filtering through the barrage of bad advice and just totally WRONG info about how lactation works.

 

I'd rather pump a bottle for DH to give DD in the AM on weekends so I could get more sleep! Once she started sleeping better that changed. I think you could have 1-2 and even 3 glasses of wine and nurse a baby without it doing squat, but being paranoid, I waited a long time and felt comfortable doing that when she was able to metabolize and eat solid foods instead of nursing. I'm a total lactivist and think BM is the coolest thing about motherhood and the BEST thing ever for your baby, so don't mind me... ;)

post #16 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by LivingSky View Post
It is not recommended that baby sleep beside dad, only beside mom. Mom has the built in instinct to know where baby is at all times - even the very best of dads just doesn't.  

I agree.  I just don't trust daddy to be aware of where the baby is at every moment, the way I can be.  And I want to have blankets on me, up to my hips at least, and i share a blanket with DF. He also hugs a pillow, to help his ergonomics, as he side sleeps (and switches back and forth in the night), so I'd worry that he'd turn towards us (while sleeping) with his pillow in his arms and nestle in to sleep facing us but accidently put the pillow on the baby.   If baby is in the middle, there's too much risk of blanket and extra pillow tangles between adults.  I always chose sleeping sack pyjama outfits that allow the baby to need zero blankets, and then the pillow that props baby onto his side and keep him against me/facing me, so he could nurse while I slept, provided the coziness/snug/nestled factor.

post #17 of 47

tilly - thanks for all the info about breastfeeding:) awesome details/info!! I don't personally see a problem with having a glass or 2 of wine when breastfeeding, but I think DH will be concerned, so need some evidence in writing to help alleviate his concerns... I'll check out that link, thanks again:) I think it's Americans who seem paranoid about the drinking while pregnant and/or breastfeeding (in moderation of course, not total partying).

 

And, I totally agree with your comments "Just watch TV in the evening around 6-8pm and all you see are pharma companies pushing drugs. It's a weird time we live in."  and with your thoughts about drugs, pot, etc... It really amazes me that people are able to function in society these days being addicted to big pharma crap while wandering through life with their eyes glued to their cell phones, texting while walking, etc... it's really sad to see in my opinion:( I'm not anti-pot, don't smoke myself but think it can be overdone and definitely depends on the person smoking... everyone is so different, it can make one person totally lazy or paranoid and another person mellow and happy. Now wine is another story all together! I love that you were considering becoming a sommelier, I have contemplated this before as well, I LOVE wine:) And, have read of the health benefits of good beer as well (especially Belgian Beer).

post #18 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by chispita View Post

It's not the initial recommendation in most cases because father is less in tune initially with the baby than mother. But our bed is huge and DH hardly moves through the night, and even when he does it's just rolling over in place, without taking up more space.

 

tilly - the drinking think I'm a bit on the fence about. If you guys just have the occasional drink, it seems like the easiest thing would be to not make a big deal about it. My mother made a big deal about whether I drank and how much (because her father was an alcoholic, and one of our family members from our side was an addict), once I was legally able to (different age where I come from), and it was just so ... stupid. I mean, I was a good kid, and even though I did occasionally get drunk, it just felt like she made a mountain out of something that was not a big deal. I can understand her worries better now that I am older, but they still seem pretty excessive considering how I was.

 

Maybe make sure drinking in front of the kids remains an occasional thing, and when it happens don't make a big deal about it?

 

Smoking around kids is one of those things that really baffle me, though I'm looking at it through the lens of cultural differences (and being a cigarette smoker till I got pregnant). None of my friends here have kids or smoke, so it was never an issue in the US - only when I went back to Spain for Christmas. I would never even think of smoking around kids unless we were out in the street and the parents explicitly okayed it. I was always surprised that they would be surprised by my asking even outdoors. Indoors, it wasn't even an option, even if the parents said I could (unless they themselves smoked).

 

We actually had a related episode with my friends last Saturday, and I'm still upset at them. We to a friends apartment (no balcony) to have dinner and play board games. There were only 5 of us there, though we knew the rest of the gang might drop by later, as they were elsewhere drinking and most likely smoking. So everything's cool and then the rest of our group of friends show up - drunk and somewhat high. A couple of them go straight towards the window and light up a joint. WTF?!?? We just walked up and left, obviously. And some of them were even wondering why we left, sigh.

 

DH was furious, I was more disappointed. Because I now feel that I can't just join my friends in a relaxed way when were hanging out at someone's place (there are three apartments we hang out - one I've been avoiding since before I got pregnant because smoking always happens there, the one we went to the other day is usually OK till late at night, and the third one had always been fine except that DH went there last Friday and he said it was pretty much  submarine), so yeah, that sucks.

 

Wow it sounds like you and I have/had the same issues. I noticed once the baby came, I just couldn't hang with some of my less child-friendly friends anymore. Sadly, what ended up happening is we became excluded with everything because I was avoiding people my entire first pregnancy. It was easier that way, honestly. This is the natural progression of things and you'll learn who your real friends are when baby comes! I was SO surprised DH had nothing to say about it when I asked him if it was OK for her to light up around our daughter. I wanted him to take the reins and say NO, but he decided he didn't care. Super frustrating. This is nothing new, I'm pregnant a SECOND time and we have a 3yo. What's with the ambivalence? He was a few beers in (he's pretty moderate usually, but sometimes gets a wild hair up his butt and indulges more heavily!), normally he's NOT ok with smoking in front of kids. He used to get on my case about it, though I was pretty good in NOT doing that, but when you are outdoors, you can only do so much and I was young and ignorant about how bad it was for your body.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I am so glad to hear however your DH being protective of you, however. My DH isn't the type to do much in these cases, and I usually have to assert myself. It's annoying but it's how he is, a very "live and let live" type of person and wont protest things unless they get to a heightened level. Me? I'll just get up and leave if I don't like something. I try and say something gently but it usually comes out harsh! Oh well. 

post #19 of 47

Thanks for the cat feedback.  I've also heard about cats climbing onto a baby's face and suffocating it, but I have trouble figuring out if it's just an old wives/husbands tale because I have NEVER actually heard a first hand account or even someone who knew someone first hand that this happened to.  I think it would be impossible to get our cat to stop sleeping in our room.  Even if I'm in there changing for a few minutes and I close the door she starts crying and scratching the door.  She likes to be where the action is.  Part of me feels like if the baby is in our bed with us, then I will be more aware of where the cat is in relation to it whereas if it is in a co-sleeper/bassinet, the cat could climb in there and I might not realize it right away.  But I think we will do the same as chispita and kind of play it by ear, see how the kitty reacts to baby.  When other animals or strangers come by the house, she usually goes off and hides somewhere.  My partner is convinced that since the cat knows us and loves us, she will know that the baby is ours and will love and protect it, too.  I hope so!!  But I am going to tell him to stop play fighting with the cat in the bed and only do it outside of our bedroom, so she understands that the bed is not a play fighting zone.

 

With regards to all the talk about drinking, smoking and drugging, I guess I am just a live and let live person.  In the case of someone lighting up a cigarette around you while you are pregnant, I think we are all well within our rights to ask someone not to and expect them to comply.  Unless you are at their house and they smoke in their house - in that case I would just avoid going there and if they invited me tell them why I wasn't coming, giving them the opportunity to offer not to smoke.  But other people's choices around drinking and smoking in front of their own kids, I just think that is their business and not my place to tell anyone what to do - I certainly don't always do everything exactly perfect.  I think if I had any reason to believe that children were being neglected or abused because of this, I would take some sort of action, but I wouldn't assume that simply smoking, drinking or drugging means abuse or neglect is happening.  I know plenty of wonderful parents who smoke pot, smoke cigarettes or drink more than a drink  or two.


Edited by lilmamita - 5/28/13 at 4:22pm
post #20 of 47
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tillymonster View Post

What do you sage mamas do in these situations? I feel like I have to limit our getting together now with this new family because I just can't be around that kind of thing while pregnant or nursing a baby. But then think maybe I just need to relax and not judge. If DH can't figure out how to behave himself that should not be my problem either. What do you think?

 

i see this topic has already had a few responses -- i'm at work right now so it will take me a while to read through the replies so far. but this is an important issue to me too. i'm pretty sensitive & strict about substances around children (born or unborn!), whereas DF is a lot more relaxed about it. he grew up with substances around him while i didn't. he tends to overdo it with substances (although he has been mostly good throughout the pregnancy) whereas i stopped everything even before i got pregnant. so it's an ongoing discussion, though a taxing one. 

 

DF's band mate and his wife are currently trying to get pregnant, but they haven't made any lifestyle changes and it actually seems to bother both me and DF. they smoke and drink, they go out several nights a week. the wife usually drinks till she passes out. suffice to say, they life an unhealthy lifestyle. i've already told the guy you have to prepare your body for pregnancy (cut down on substances, start eating healthier, take prenatals etc) because by the time you find out you're pregnant, the basic brain of the baby will have already formed (if i remember right). it doesn't seem to affect their choices, and it's a difficult situation for me to be in since i don't wanna come across as "judgmental", although i guess i am being judgmental of their lifestyle. 

 

i don't think anyone else's behavior should be your problem, though i know that's easier said than done. at some point i realized that DF talks about drugs a lot more freely than i ever do about non-drugs, and i brought it up to him. i have now started to voice my opinion on non-drugs a bit more and i can sense the tension -- people tend to think i'm stuck up, boring, lame, conservative, judgmental. what they fail to realize is how i could just as well label THEM as judgmental because i feel like i have no room to speak up about a sober lifestyle being a great thing without being judged!

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