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Weekly Chat -- May 27 - June 2 - Page 2

post #21 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by tillymonster View Post

Wow it sounds like you and I have/had the same issues. I noticed once the baby came, I just couldn't hang with some of my less child-friendly friends anymore. Sadly, what ended up happening is we became excluded with everything because I was avoiding people my entire first pregnancy. It was easier that way, honestly. This is the natural progression of things and you'll learn who your real friends are when baby comes! 

I was sort of expecting it - but once the baby came, not now greensad.gif It's also disappointing because in the 5 years we've been here and also been the only cigarette smokers we always tried to be considerate around others, and now it seems like a few of our friends have "suddenly" discovered weed in a way that I find quite pathetic, and they can't even stop and think before lighting up. I mean, they can do whatever they want as far as their health goes (well, I will judge them a little - mostly because they're acting as if they were 18 having the first sips of forbidden alcohol instead of twenty somethings with their own independent lives); but it seems pretty unbelievable that it won't be obvious to them that lighting up with a pregnant woman around is a no no (if we were outdoors I could sort of maybe perhaps understand it, because I could just move away, but not indoors).

 

I guess I just expected nothing much to change till the baby got here other than me getting tired early, so this was an eye opener and not in a good way.

post #22 of 47
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by chispita View Post

I was sort of expecting it - but once the baby came, not now greensad.gif
 It's also disappointing because in the 5 years we've been here and also been the only cigarette smokers we always tried to be considerate around others, and now it seems like a few of our friends have "suddenly" discovered weed in a way that I find quite pathetic, and they can't even stop and think before lighting up. I mean, they can do whatever they want as far as their health goes (well, I will judge them a little - mostly because they're acting as if they were 18 having the first sips of forbidden alcohol instead of twenty somethings with their own independent lives); but it seems pretty unbelievable that it won't be obvious to them that lighting up with a pregnant woman around is a no no (if we were outdoors I could sort of maybe perhaps understand it, because I could just move away, but not indoors).

I guess I just expected nothing much to change till the baby got here other than me getting tired early, so this was an eye opener and not in a good way.

So feeling this. We only know one guy in this new area, his wife wants to meet me soo bad but all they keep inviting us to are preg nonos like bars and hot tubs. And aside from that, I'm feeling like my old friends are disappearing one after another.. So much for learning who your true friends are.

I wish it was easier to meet people in my area, I'd gladly transition into to new chapter with a few new friends.. With or without kids, but def. with a more mature lifestyle.
post #23 of 47

You'll be able to find those new friends who are in line with family living, if you reach out to organizations nearby perhaps?  There has to be some sort of classes/events/clubs/weekly coffee meets for SAHMs with little ones?  I ended up meeting my best friend just by starting up a random conversation in a restaurant with a stranger because her belly was the same size as mine.  Hang out at the park, library, or anywhere that there are people and families outside enjoying some leisure time as the warm weather provides the perfect backdrop.... and if you see a pregnant woman or a woman with little ones, start up a conversation!  You just never know....

 

I spent all day so far in tears and trying to put my angst into song lyrics for a new song with my band.  I don't need to get into why I'm upset here in this thread, but it's to do with the horrible relationship (war) I have with my kids' dad regarding managing the very fact that we have kids, in an amicable way.  I try so hard to focus on the upcoming wedding with my beautiful soulmate fiance, and the gorgeous weather we are having and beautiful garden outside our dream house I can lounge in, etc etc etc, but the situation with my divorce is an ongoing problem even now, and I'm still struggling with being relatively permanently stuck (at least ten more years) in a foreign country that I don't really even like.  I miss..... so much.  But I will try to channel all this angst into lyrics now. :)

post #24 of 47
So, I was so bored I clicked on over to that mainstream pregnancy/baby website that shall remain nameless, and as awful of a person as it makes me for saying so, its downright scary the level of stupidity and ignorance some moms to be have. It's sad when you read posts and hope that its a troll or some kid playing around trying to stir the pot, who isn't actually pregnant.

It used to be amusing, now it just makes my head hurt.
post #25 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by thefreckledmama View Post

So, I was so bored I clicked on over to that mainstream pregnancy/baby website that shall remain nameless, and as awful of a person as it makes me for saying so, its downright scary the level of stupidity and ignorance some moms to be have. It's sad when you read posts and hope that its a troll or some kid playing around trying to stir the pot, who isn't actually pregnant.

Now you've got to give us examples! Because it sounds like it could be potentially hilarious orngtongue.gif

post #26 of 47

I just had to rave about the best night's sleep I got last night...  well, at least comparatively to every other night of sleep I have had for the last few months.  My parents just arrived for a visit and brought me a Snoogle total body pillow and I got to use it last night and it was WONDERFUL.  Most nights I wake up like every half hour to switch sides because my hips hurt, but I think I only changed positions like 3 or 4 times last night.  And I also seemed to get up less often to go to the bathroom - maybe just cause I was able to sleep for longer periods.  Even my partner noticed that he slept better because I wasn't tossing and turning all night.  I had only one crappy thin pillow before this (unless I was mean and stole DP's pillow for a night, too), so this isn't so much an endorsement of the Snoogle total body pillow specifically as much as a testimony that high quality pillows and/or body pillows make a BIG DIFFERENCE.

post #27 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilmamita View Post

I just had to rave about the best night's sleep I got last night...  well, at least comparatively to every other night of sleep I have had for the last few months.  My parents just arrived for a visit and brought me a Snoogle total body pillow and I got to use it last night and it was WONDERFUL.  Most nights I wake up like every half hour to switch sides because my hips hurt, but I think I only changed positions like 3 or 4 times last night.  And I also seemed to get up less often to go to the bathroom - maybe just cause I was able to sleep for longer periods.  Even my partner noticed that he slept better because I wasn't tossing and turning all night.  I had only one crappy thin pillow before this (unless I was mean and stole DP's pillow for a night, too), so this isn't so much an endorsement of the Snoogle total body pillow specifically as much as a testimony that high quality pillows and/or body pillows make a BIG DIFFERENCE.


Yes!
I love my snoogle.
Actually the only thing I dislike about it is tripping over it trying to get out of bed half-awake in the middle of the night when I have to pee.

post #28 of 47

Just want to vent about my client who said this morning: "I just can't imagine what you're going to be doing for 6 weeks, just sitting around while the baby is sleeping..." This from a guy who wasn't around for the first 8 weeks of his first son's life (because he was away in the military). His 3 kids are now in their 40s so it's been a while since he's had to deal with a newborn. Maybe I'm exaggerating things in my mind since I have no experience but I think DH and I will be quite overwhelmed and shell-shocked and need that time to even figure out what to do with ourselves in addition to having a baby to care for...

 

lilmamita, glad to hear you got some good sleep. Mine has been pretty manageable lately even though I'm waking up at 3 hour intervals.

 

chispita, about friends and stages of life etc.: DH told me yesterday that he realized throughout his 20s that friends will eventually move on and take care of their own, i.e. start a family etc. I think that it becomes very clear when you're moving into a new phase of life and they're not and it takes some adjustment from all sides. You (not personally, as in "an individual") have to start questioning where the friends fall on the priority scale and how you expect them to be incorporated in this new life that also includes having a kid while they may be childless. Ultimately I think people become friends because they have priorities and interests in common and I see those two things shifting quite a bit when you have a child. Not sure that there is a point to this rambling, just an observation because it's something we'll have to deal with, most of DH's close friends have no kids, aren't even in relationships.

post #29 of 47

dakipode - I snorted, literally out loud, when I read that "sitting on your ass for 6 weeks" comment.  Have heart, the good oxytocin takes away a lot of the shell-shocked feeling, IMO.  Like, yeah, you'll still be up at weird times and eat at weird times and nap at weird times, but it doesn't seem as sucky as if someone just ran into your house today and started yelling at you to take a nap now!  eat now!  get up now!  like a psychotic drill instructor.  It's more just like, hmm, this is weird...I wonder if I will sleep before sunset?

 

thefreckledmama - I agree.  When I do doula work, there is potentially a lot of tongue-biting involved for me with a small few of my low-income clients (I receive some referrals through unsupported moms who receive WIC benefits).  I feel like I might be getting trolled in real life.  Moms who call me at 2 am panicking that they've killed their baby because they woke up on their RIGHT side instead of their left, who think that babies can be made to be on a schedule at 2 weeks postpartum, etc.  I support with love, but sometimes it is like being trolled.  I would end up going nutters on the *coughBabyCentercough* boards.

 

As for those of you who expressed concerns about your friends shifting.  It happens.  It's sad and a bit scary when it happens, but for FTM, it WILL happen to all of you, eventually.  For FTM this usually happens between 1-9 months postpartum, depending on how casual you might be about bringing your baby to a restaurant to hang with them, etc.  With ours, our first baby was like a purse dog - tolerated to be brought out as long as she was quiet and relatively immobile.  But around solid foods and crawling, we all grew apart.  And when those friends who invite you to bars or think you can stay up all night or just drop your breastfed baby at the sitters without pumping have their OWN babies, they'll know.  They might reach out to you, or the sands of time may have shifted you apart permanently, but they'll think of you at 2 am when they're holding their own baby.  I promise this.  Currently, we have 1-2 sets of friends outside family and LLL acquaintances that we really feel comfortable hanging out with, but even then, it takes an act of God for us to all get together, with scheduling, finding a place to host our bajillion kids other than a park, gas money, etc.  Once they start school, I'm sure we'll have more numbers in the address book, but for now, this is good.

post #30 of 47

Two out of my three best friends in this city I live in are *not* mothers, and it has worked out fine because when I'm with my kids, I can make plans with my bff and a few other less close mama friends and their kids, and then when my kids are with their dad,I can hang out with my childless girlfriends.  But now.... yikes. One of the two childless close friends never wants kids and doesn't really like kids, so I just don't know how that will go when this baby turns into a mobile toddler.  And the other one, luckily is TTC!  So I hope she joins the mommy ranks soon and we can hang out at the playground with little ones.

post #31 of 47
Totally random "great moment in pregnancy" just now. Got up to leave the office/playroom, didn't see a fire truck in my path due to belly eclipse, stepped on it rolled a few inches on that foot and fell to hands and knees, squirting pee into my undies on the process. Made a ridiculously loud "oooof!" DH ran in after all the ruckus. Started laughing so hard at myself that I was in danger of losing my whole bladder. Thank goodness for pelvic floor muscles. :0
post #32 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by haurelia View Post

Totally random "great moment in pregnancy" just now. Got up to leave the office/playroom, didn't see a fire truck in my path due to belly eclipse, stepped on it rolled a few inches on that foot and fell to hands and knees, squirting pee into my undies on the process. Made a ridiculously loud "oooof!" DH ran in after all the ruckus. Started laughing so hard at myself that I was in danger of losing my whole bladder. Thank goodness for pelvic floor muscles. :0


I love this story. Though the first time I read it, I thought you were talking about an actual fire truck.

post #33 of 47
Quote:

Originally Posted by aidenn View Post

 

When I do doula work, there is potentially a lot of tongue-biting involved for me with a small few of my low-income clients (I receive some referrals through unsupported moms who receive WIC benefits).  I feel like I might be getting trolled in real life.

 

Ouch.  Why single out us low-income moms and folks who receive WIC benefits (most of the moms I know and likely myself when I move back to the States) when the misinformation and unnecessary panic around pregnancy is not in anyway limited to or being promoted by us? Babycenter and thebump and places that promote this fear of a natural process are certainly not being run by low-income moms.

post #34 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilmamita View Post

 

Ouch.  Why single out us low-income moms and folks who receive WIC benefits (most of the moms I know and likely myself when I move back to the States) when the misinformation and unnecessary panic around pregnancy is not in anyway limited to or being promoted by us? Babycenter and thebump and places that promote this fear of a natural process are certainly not being run by low-income moms.

 

I'm certainly not trying to single out low-income moms, and I sincerely apologize if my poor wording is how you (or anyone else) interpreted my remarks.  Perhaps my wording was careless and I should have elaborated more fully.  I will attempt to do so now!  Additionally, I receive EBT/SNAP and WIC, so I am definitely low income and I am certainly not trying to be a pot calling a kettle black here. 

 

What I meant by my previous remarks is that it is typically low-income moms who have little support from family or friends and thus rely more heavily on medical advice from their primary caregiver which may be more interested in making them medically compliant than ensuring the mom has the birth experience and empowerment they want or deserve.  I am entirely certain that the misinformation is stratified across multiple income levels, however, middle-to-high income moms usually have more time and energy and less restrictions on their time or abilities to devote to a wide variety of sources of information, such as different, non-hospital (paid) childbirth classes,, more holistic care providers (very few states cover homebirth under Medicaid), different childbirth books, or a higher quality of care than providers of Medicaid moms typically provide due to poor reimbursement levels.  I think low-income moms can certainly access multiple sources of information, but they do need to work significantly harder to obtain this information, either for monetary reasons or for reasons of time and travel constraints if they are working full time or greater than full time.

 

Furthermore, nowhere did I state that the information was being promoted by low-income women.  In fact, I think the bulk of the misinformation comes from medical providers who are seeking to make labor easier for THEMSELVES in terms of scheduling and compliance.  I think low-income women are disproportionately taken advantage of because of the aforementioned restrictions on information diversity.  I NEVER blame my clients, low-income or otherwise, but I think it is telling how we treat them as a society.  One of the big things we say in lactation care is that if a woman "gives up" on breastfeeding and decides to exclusively formula feed, we never think of it as "her" failure (and indeed, the mere suggestion is guilt-inducing in a huge and horrible manner), but we view it as a failure of support - the mom who gives up breastfeeding is failed by the culture and society in which she lives for things like birth interventions, low employment support, low cultural support, and misinformation being spread by a myriad of sources about how neonates behave.

 

The sentiment behind my comment about being trolled in real life was meant to more illustrate the crappy information that care providers give to the point where these moms with little resources truly believe that they have killed their fetus by sleeping on their right side instead of their left, or if they eat a hot dog not cooked to 165 degrees F that their baby will be disfigured.  I think it illustrates that while these moms care deeply for their children and are doing their best, the fact that they (or any other mom) argues vehemently about anything that might contradict this information shows just what a stranglehold that care providers can have on women who have few other resources to consider.

post #35 of 47

aidenn, Thanks for the clarification about where you are coming from and where you think the misinformation comes from.  I think we essentially agree.  I just think it is really important to always name the people, institutions and forces that are behind the structural inequalities that affect different marginalized groups because so much of the public discourse and mass media tries to put the blame on the groups themselves.

post #36 of 47

Ladies-- have any of you take Yeast Arrest suppositories for yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis? I know lots of midwives prescribe this but I'm not finding that much info about it. Here it is on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/health-personal-care/dp/B004WPBYUY

 

It says on the box, "do not take while pregnant" and I'm SO mad about that. My holistic doc rx'd it for me and I have been debating taking it and was even concidering taking it back for a refund. I am in YI/BV hell right now. It's official. Everything I am trying is not working. I've done Monistat, Metro-gel (though I'll admit I'm an idiot and didn't insert TWICE a day, just once, I didn't read it right), apple cider vinegar rinses and coconut oil at night. The only thing that gives me relief (though it's not curing) is coconut oil. I love the stuff but it's in the 90s here and a HUGE mess to use because it melts at about 70 degrees. UGH ladies I am at my WITS end.

 

help.gif

post #37 of 47
If you haven't, cut out any and all sugars/breads/yeasty foods. Then get yourself a good daily probiotic. If its not sold refrigerated, its not worth taking.

I have heard, but not tried a whole garlic clove inserted in the vagina-thread some dental floss through it to make a string to pull it back out-for a few hours at a time for a few days can help, as well as yogurt soaked tampons. That being said, I think your best defense is to do a whole body yeast fighting plan-like the probiotics. You know it's working if you feel kinda sick for a few days-a side effect of a large scale yeast die off.
post #38 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by thefreckledmama View Post

If you haven't, cut out any and all sugars/breads/yeasty foods. Then get yourself a good daily probiotic. If its not sold refrigerated, its not worth taking.

I have heard, but not tried a whole garlic clove inserted in the vagina-thread some dental floss through it to make a string to pull it back out-for a few hours at a time for a few days can help, as well as yogurt soaked tampons. That being said, I think your best defense is to do a whole body yeast fighting plan-like the probiotics. You know it's working if you feel kinda sick for a few days-a side effect of a large scale yeast die off.

 

 

Yes, I've cut out most of those foods, though I haven't been super strict about it. I am taking a refrigerated probiotic and have been for more then a month now-- again, forget to take it some days, but usually do. I also tried the garlic and that worked for a few days but didn't CURE it. Maybe I'll give it another go. I'm a little wary of tampons while pregnant and I use the diva cup so I have no tampons on hand! LOL. I'm trying to incorporate probiotic foods, I eat fage and have been all pregnancy. I did add in grains and much more sugar, but I really have trouble laying off fruit which is most of the sugar I eat. I even switched to stevia drops in my coffee for crying out loud! I think the discomfort started since like week 4 and just continued to get worse. mecry.gif

 

Here are the ingredients, they don't look like anything crazy, it's homeopathic. 

 

Active Ingredients

  • Borax 3x HPUS
  • Hydrastis Canadensis 3x HPUS
  • Berberis Aquifolium 3x HPUS
  • Kreosotum 3x HPUS

Inactive Ingredients:

  • Boric Acid
  • Cocoa butter
  • Lactobacillus acidophilus
  • Neem oil
  • Oregon grape root
  • Tea Tree essential oil
  • Triglycerides from vegetable oil
  • Vitamin E

Indications: Bacterial Vaginosis and/or Vaginal Yeast Infections

post #39 of 47

Does Yeast Arrest have actual Boric Acid in it?  I once bought it at a health food store (at least I'm like 90% it was Yeast Arrest) when desperate and about to leave for a trip, so I didn't have time to consult my naturopath who had previously given me Boric Acid to treat yeast.  When it didn't work for me and I got back from my trip, I called her and she told me that it is homeopathic quantities of Boric Acid and I would find actual relief from real Boric Acid suppositories, which she called into a pharmacy for me and totally worked.  If Yeast Arrest is really homeopathic as I believe it is, with not actual molecular traces of the ingredients, then it should be safe for pregnancy.  But in my experience it didn't work.

 

With regard to using the real Boric Acid suppositories, I've read Boric Acid is toxic in large doses, but a friend who is a midwife told me it was safe to use in douche form during pregnancy.  I would suggest talking to your provider about its safety and specifically bringing up that many sources say it is toxic and seeing if they have a reasonable explanation to show that it is still safe during pregnancy..

post #40 of 47
No, it's just borax not acid which the two are VERY different from what I'm reading. I'll call my holistic doc againg but I worry he'll say it's safe and everything he's done for me so far as supplements are concerned have really helped! So I'm eager to try it. It is just a borax suppository with a few other active ingredients. I posted them up above.

Borax has either the crazy "OMG IT'S TOXIC!" label or the "totally safe and natural, don't eat it" label. It all depends on who you ask. The Internet is not my friend with this. I just know metro gel and monistat aren't working and there is not much else I can try. Ugh!

Edit: I'm not so sure monistat and especially the metro gel made things any better, maybe even worse.
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