I go back and forth between feeling totally okay and getting a little freaked out. I have been overweight for a lot of my adult life, since I was about 21 I'd say, so the past 11 years then!
I did work really hard at losing weight one year and lost 50 lbs, so I was down to 160. I'm only 5'4", btw.
I slowly gained back up to 180, then got pregnant, and gained up to 238 by the time I had my son. I immediately dropped 30 lbs of just water weight and who knows what else. By 3 weeks postpartum, I was 210. Then stayed there for a long time!! About a year postpartum, I was down to 200, and from then on, I've gone back and forth between 200-204ish. I have no idea what I weigh at this exact moment because I haven't weighed myself.
All I know is that I want to avoid getting tremendous back pain if I can, and avoid gaining 60 lbs. I would love to keep weight gain minimal, though I remind myself I can't control the exact number. I can control what I eat, and how much I exercise, and hope my body responds well.
I also just really don't want to hear it from the freaking midwives. Last time, one of the midwives on the team really scolded me for gaining weight and told me my baby would grow too big and I was hurting my chances of a natural labor. I was so angry!! And even with all that weight gain, my baby was only 6 lbs 14 oz, so she was way off anyway. This time around it's a whole new team of midwives, living in a different state all together, but I saw on their website an article one of them wrote about how a mother absolutely can control her weight gain and "will be miserable if she gains more than 50 lbs." So, that's a bummer. I don't want to gain 50 lbs, but we'll see what happens. (And p.s., I did not consider myself "miserable" at all during my last pregnancy! I was still squatting to pick things up the week I gave birth!)
I just want to feel reasonably healthy and I want to have a healthy birth and baby, and will do my best, and that's all I can do!