I hope no one minds that I'm putting this here. I saw numerous posts in GD and Childhood Years, but nothing quite spoke to me.
I'm on the fence about how to address my DS's destructive rages. He's nearly 5, so a lot of it is impulse control and I admit that much of his preferred activity is not necessarily common for kids his age.
The immediate issue is that he JUST got his training wheels off his bike and JUST learned to skateboard within the past month. YAY! We bought him a very expensive helmet for the high quality. Today, he threw it very hard (not the first time) and it broke. Now it is useless. :( The reason for the rage was that he continued to ride too close to me and others, putting us in danger, and actually crashed into me a couple of times. I took the bike handles to stop him and said we're putting the bike away for now- until he can use it more safely. This is the point at which he spiraled into violent rage with piercing screams and a threat to kill me. Again, i understand the age of experimenting and still trying to cope with big feelings. How can I help guide him away from taking his anger out on his prized possessions?
The other, recurring, situation is his fondness for trying to destroy his musical equipment. He has a decent small-scale drum kit, and an assortment of electric guitars/amps. His favorite bands tend to be the ones who smash their gear on stage and in videos. We have talked endlessly about the need to respect his gear, since we no longer have the money to just buy this stuff again. We explain that they are given gear to smash and that it is easier for them to replace what gets broken. We try to show him examples of musicians who cherish their instruments and treat them gently (snooze, goes DS). We fully realize that impulse control issues and expensive things are not quite compatible, but he is enormously passionate about his music, and plays for more than an hour every single day. He is so driven and focused and improves so rapidly with each week! He doesn't take lessons, but does jam daily with his musician dad- not lessons, just jamming. We don't want to remove these instruments or have such strong limits that he rarely has access. However, as a SAHM with a toddler, I cannot actually be in the room when he's playing during the day. Toddle refuses to keep earphones on, and DS plays LOUD. :)
So, these are his three main passions: bike, skateboard, music.
Any ideas how we can help him understand the importance of keeping his stuff in good working order? It breaks my heart to think of him NOT being able to do these things because of momentary rage or getting lost in a rockstar gear smashing fantasy.
His roughness with stuff is not always in rage. Sometimes in excitement, sometimes just a destructive whim. It's somewhat unpredictable, as he sometimes is very mature and careful with his stuff.
Any thoughts or ideas on how we can keep letting him follow his bliss without permanently damaging his stuff? We've already constructed a fake guitar from wood just for him to smash. It was designed to break away cleanly, and reconstruct pretty easily, but he took the destruction to a new level and literally shredded that thing. He just has this very real need for smashing and crashing and bashing and breaking and learning about what it takes to destroy. I don't want to just shove that part of him away somehow, and no gentle discipline solutions really seem to touch this level of chaos.
Thanks in advance, folks! :)