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Having anxiety about leaving my baby to go back to school. - Page 2

post #21 of 27

I did some part time work starting when my baby was 2 months old, but I always brought him with me. So he was with a babysitter, literally in the room next to me, and I would pop in and visit every hour or so. I would "leave" him with his dad for half an hour or an hour while I went running. Any longer than that felt unbearably long.

 

When he was about 8 months, I got a gig that would keep me away from him for two whole hours and I'd have to leave him in the house with a babysitter. That seemed almost impossible to do, and I cried in the car the whole way to the gig.

 

When he was 9 months, I went back to work part time for real and left him at home for 3.5 hour stretches. It was also really difficult, but we managed. Now he is 18 months, and I leave him routinely for 4 hour stretches to work, and sometimes for about 6 hours.

 

Sometimes I talk to other parents who've left their children overnight, or at bedtime. That seems unimaginable to me... but maybe I'll get there one day.

 

It's a process, Mama! You guys are going to do fine.

 

What you are feeling is pretty normal.

post #22 of 27
If you link me to those articles, I'll destroy them for you.

The kind of intensive mothering that well-off women in the developed world are encouraged to engage in now has largely not been possible in most eras or most cultures, and it's a totally unrealistic standard for the vast majority of women now. Children need responsible, responsive, consistent, affectionate care. They don't need that care to come exclusively from any one person.

There is a strong tendency in the US today to pin all the responsibility for childcare, from infancy through adolescence, on the mother, and to frame parenting as a lifestyle choice akin to an expensive hobby. That framing places parents in general, and mothers especially, in a position where they are responsible for the continuation of the overall society, but receive extremely limited societal help.

It's been my experience that widely published pediatricians can and do make all kinds of anthropological claims, but have limited access to, or understanding of, anthropological data. I believe Harvey karp about swaddling, but if he's actually been to Africa, it's news to me.
post #23 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by mountain ma View Post

Just to clear this up for everyone, the articles I read (online) were by various doctors. I dont recall any specific time frames being mentioned.  

A statement like "It is detrimental for a mother to leave her child" is meaningless without time frames though, you know? That could mean anything from total abandonment to taking a 20-minute shower while daddy plays with baby. (FWIW, your 2-hour class is pretty much in the same realm as the 20-minute shower in terms of damage to the baby, IMO. My kids have had one-on-one time with their daddy since day 1, and they have an amazing bond with him.)

Quote:
I am a first time mom trying to do the best for my baby, that's all.

Just the fact that you're concerned about this issue shows that you are a caring, connected, loving mother. Being apart for 4 hours a week isn't going to change your little one's perception of that. Hugs, and let us know how it goes!
post #24 of 27

Mountain ma - I am in the same place when my ds was over a year is the first time I left him alone (even with daddy) to start back to school.  It was hard but over the first semester it became easier I increased the time away each week adding in grocery shopping and errands.  It was nice and now his dad and him have an amazing connection, my dd is 9 months and I am about to do the same with her, sometimes my sister or mother comes over so my husband is not overwhelmed with two kids.  I understand the almost terror of leaving your baby, I quit my career (that I loved) after I had my first something I never thought I would do, but I could not spend 12 or 24 hours away from my child.  Others may not understand and I have found I do not really care.  My kids are so much more then I ever understood, and luckily others can/have to do what they do, I will not have to be away from my littles for more then a few hours.  As they get older it will change I hope but just try to relax.  I would recommend you go ahead and do some trial runs, run out and do the grocery shopping by yourself, or a quick errand.  It takes dads a little time to get their bearings sometimes but I found my husband appreciated what I do every day a little more.  You will be fine and little one will as well, but always remember in todays world cell phones mean they can reach you asap so if you are needed they can reach you.  Good luck on finishing your degree, education is the one thing they can never take from you.  - Thea
 

post #25 of 27

I happened to know several kids whose moms died early, some very early and they were raised by dad. Guess what? Kids are  fine. Mothers are not as irreplaceable as we like to think. It is OK to got to school, or work.

 

If you do not think your husband is a good parent it begs a question, "Why did you have a kid with him?"

 

I think uncontrolled maternal anxiety is far more damaging than being with a loving father for two hours.

 

Just breath. It all will be OK>

post #26 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post


It's been my experience that widely published pediatricians can and do make all kinds of anthropological claims, but have limited access to, or understanding of, anthropological data. I believe Harvey karp about swaddling, but if he's actually been to Africa, it's news to me.

Good point Meepycat,, I really should have referred to an anthropologist:

http://anthro.vancouver.wsu.edu/media/Course_files/anth-302-barry-hewlett/melkonner.pdf



http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0202307492/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1370562418&sr=8-1&pi=SL75


I find it fascinating; hunter gathers child rearing practices, since humans were hunter gatherers for 99% of human history, it offers quite a bit of insight as to our instincts.
post #27 of 27

OP~

I just wanted to chime in. It is normal to have anxiety about leaving you child...even if it is with dad. *hugs* to you! I have gone through this myself when my child was really young and even though he was with dad I was so anxious. I think part of it was because we spent so much time together and a little bit of being a first time mom. You don't need to read articles to be validated, you feel what you feel and you came here for support. This is why Mothering is so great. It is awesome you will be finishing your degree and in the meantime leaving your baby will be a separate yet beneficial journey for you both. 

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