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RSVP wedding August 4th

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

So I'm kind of getting ahead because the RSVP deadline of H's cousin wedding isn't until July 11th but I just got the invite in the mail and it got me thinking what should I respond?


My EDD is July 20th and I'm a FTM. I know this means I could potentially go later than 40 weeks. I'm also just feeling like I won't even make it to that date though, like a lot of people are saying I just feel DONE. I do feel like she is going to "cook" for another 3ish weeks or so. I'm hoping for a 36.5-38 week gestation after a conversation with my mom that freaked me out that all her kids were preemies by current AAP standards and she wouldn't be surprised if I go into labor in the next few days to weeks O.o. I'm happy last weekend of June to 1st weekend of August. I don't want any NICU time (obviously.)


Anyways. I'm considering RSVPing yes and put a note on it that says essentially "maybe, depending on baby timing." We would like to go but it depends on how old LO is, and really how I handle it. I have no clue if I'm going to be one of those mamas that are completely overwhelmed and can't function for months or one of those miracle people who get it and are fine after a week. 


I'd be more comfortable if the RSVP was going back to the bride or her parents. It's going to the mother of the groom though, whom I've never met and I've only met the groom once also.

post #2 of 11

If it were me, I'd hold off on responding til closer to the 11th. You'll have so much more info by then. You or your husband could also call his cousin or aunt and just explain your thinking informally so they know the possibilities, if you feel comfortable doing that.  Also, is the expectation that you would bring the baby with you? I can't imagine you would leave it that early on, but it might be good to know if they are ok with that, because if they prefer no children of any age at the event, that kind of answers it for you.  With a due date of July 20th, I think it's pretty much guaranteed that you'll have a baby by August 4th.

post #3 of 11
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by harmonious View Post
  Also, is the expectation that you would bring the baby with you? I can't imagine you would leave it that early on, but it might be good to know if they are ok with that, because if they prefer no children of any age at the event, that kind of answers it for you.  


This is a very good point. The invite was just addressed to the husband and myself. I looked at the RSVP card and it just said 



will attend __   Will not attend __


I have no clue what M means and I suppose I just assumed LO is invited also because like you said I couldn't imagine leaving her at such a young age. 

post #4 of 11

I would skip it personally. It's not likely you're going to want to go to a wedding that soon after you have your baby. And it would be awkward if you did bring baby to the wedding(and they OK'd that) and baby decided to cry a lot or something. Also, my mom had me at 35 weeks, but my kids have come along between 38 and 41 weeks. I would not concern yourself too much about family history because it may not effect things. Just take good care of yourself. 

post #5 of 11

I definitely would not go to this wedding! No one would expect you to be able to go just a few weeks after having the baby. Why put the stress on yourself ? But maybe talk to your doctor or midwife about it - if the doc or midwife says don't go, you can always use that as cover if anyone in your family is upset that you're not going. 

post #6 of 11

I went to a wedding when ds was 2 weeks oldwhistling.gif


We actually r.s.v.ped on the day ds was born. It was personally AWESOME for me. I got a day out. MIL even took me shopping for a new outfit and I felt AWESOME!!! Then I went to a wedding when ds was 4.5m old. WORST WEDDING EVER. They didn't want kids there(obviously they'd not had kids yet) so I had a sitter. My boobs leaked thru my dress/I was exhausted. Ds was going thru his "Mommy Mommy only Mommy" phase and screamed the entire time for my cousin.


I would RSVP yes and write a note on the invite being completely honest "We would LOVE to be there to share your special day. All depends on baby's arrival and your feelings on having kids at the wedding." If they don't feel comfortable having baby's there don't go. If they do and the wedding is local and you're up to it then go and have some fun

post #7 of 11
I would skip it! I can't imagine how it could work out. Maybe you can attend the ceremony only in support? This is assuming you don't have to do any major traveling, and that the event is a good 5hrs total or so.

I just came from a wedding attended by a 9week old, and they BARELY made it work. I am glad they came, but it was clearly a big strain. They confessed that any younger would have been downright madness, and they only came out at 9wks because baby had been sleeping and napping well for a few weeks.

Oh, and as the PP said, a lot depends on their feelings about babies. At this wedding, no one batted an eye when the baby began wailing in the middle of a moving speech from the bride's dad, and there were lots of other kids around. I was at another wedding with a different crowd were one baby's giggles and coos really ticked off the whole family, who wished mom had just stayed home or taken the baby outside for the serious bits (in which case you're missing all the fun anyway!)
Edited by cynthiamoon - 6/5/13 at 8:23am
post #8 of 11

I probably wouldn't go to a wedding with a newborn personally but if I was considering it, I would write a note explaining attendance was pending on babies arrival or maybe call cousin and ask how they felt and when is the latest they need to know by.


P.S My mom had me 7.5 weeks early (all 4 of her kids came early, I was the earliest) so I kind of expected to have my babies born early too but so far both of my kids have came after their due dates. :)

post #9 of 11

I think this is a case where you should CALL, not rely on the card + a note with any ambiguity and just see what the couple prefers.


Depending on the relationship and the wedding - it could be a little uncomfortable for the couple. Personally, I'd be a bit frustrated if I got a "maybe" for a plated dinner (where you pay per/person and numbers are due well in advance). Case in point, my minister/friend was due 2 weeks before our wedding. The baby showed up 4 days beforehand, so her mom stayed with the baby during the ceremony (at the church). She still wanted to come to the reception, so we ordered another plate, but she just couldn't do it. One of our other friends packed up the meal and took it to her. All this was totally FINE with me, but it was nice to have the conversation beforehand. Another friend (due at the same time) just called and said it felt too uncertain. It probably would have been ok in the end, but it was still nice to know.

post #10 of 11
Thread Starter 

The bride is going to be at my baby shower this weekend so I will just bring it up with her then. It's a reception only invite, which is at a community center 20 minutes from my house. I told H that if he really wants to go then he can. I 'm not about to tell him he can't go to his cousin's wedding but I'm probably going to be up in the air about it for a while, possibly even past the rsvp date.

post #11 of 11

Inconditus: if that's the situation, hopefully she'll be understanding and let you show up if you're able! I actually would have loved it if my one friend had showed up. A couple others (with slightly older kids (3-4 months) just brought the babies, we had sitters for the older "little" ones.

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