step child adjustment
Why had he not seen him so long.
To me I would talk with his parents about how they feel about it. I agree with your friend in that it could really be a terrible thing especially if you fight for visitation but then cannot make it or keep at it. Telling him his parents aren;t his parents and then making him get used to you for a year and then disappearing could cause serious issues for him. Unless your DH really plans on being there until the end of forever with this kid I would leave him be. What does your DH feel? Is he as into the idea of this as you are?
let me add that DSS was placed with the guardians due to the BM's problems, not because of anything involving DH; and he didnt even find out til the paperwork was signed. BM asked him not to rock the boat, and he thought he was doing the right thing and it would get sorted out later. now we're told that she couldn't legally sign without his permission, but because he didnt act when he found out, the court won't care.
I don't think your legal advice is completely true. Yes, a court may decide that he has no rights. However, he has every right to TRY, and you do not need a lawyer to go and file paperwork. It is damaging for kids not to know the truth about their parents and situation, I really hope that you start the court process asap; hopefully they will appoint a guardian for the child, who will ensure his best interests are met. Good luck!!!
That said, if you believe the boy's current guardians could hurt him, authorities should be notified. I don't know what else to say.
I guess I'm just coming at it from the standpoint of picturing one of my children being an hour away from me, and believing that there is no obstacle that would prevent me from continuing to try to get to them. My car breaks down, so I get on a bus. I run low on money, but parenting isn't something I'm allowed to opt out of based on finances -- providing for my kids is top priority. To stop trying just wouldn't be an option, so the fact that it's an option for your DH makes me have the same concerns as an earlier poster, wondering if your DH would be there for the long haul if he were to win custody.
I do realize that your DH is used to the status quo and there may be some understandable inertia involved, and comparing the absence of a son he hasn't seen for years to the absence of one of my children who I see daily probably isn't fair.
I read my earlier post and you're right, the wording did sound harsh -- I apologize for that. It didn't sound so abrupt in my head.