"You're adopted!" Teasing

[Saiahma]

I'm feeling bad for DS 6. Last week he was playing with the kid across the street, and this kid kept telling Isaiah that I'm not his real mom and that he's adopted. DS isn't adopted, he's biracial (I'm white his dad is black) so I guess the other kid just assumed I wasn't his mom?? I explained to DS that there's nothing wrong with being adopted, but he's not...I explained the skin color thing to him. He was just feeling really bad about it, because the kid was teasing him the whole time he was visiting his house. So I called the other childs mother the other day and she told me she actually HEARD her DS teasing my son and she "meant to talk to him about it later.." WHAT?!? Wouldn't you step in and at least stop the teasing, I can understand about explaining later, but DS was really upset about this. Then (this was so strange because it's never come up until now) we get to school on Monday morning and a girl in his class asks me if he's adopted (DS was standing right there and just rolled his eyes). Her dad turned bright red, but I just explained to her the skin color thing again and she was fine. I actually didn't mind how she asked, it was just natural curiosity, but I don't want DS to get a complex about this. I guess the kid across the street is what really upset me, am I being too sensitive?

[EFmom]

My kids are adopted. Kids do sometimes ask innocent questions. But in this case, the mother should have said something. In my experience, the parents usually feel awkward and don't know how to respond. But if it's to the level of teasing, she should have said something to stop it. Kids do tease each other. It is a fact of life. But it is up to the adults to teach them that it is wrong.

[MamaAllNatural]

Your poor little guy. It sounds like you probably live in an area where mixed children are not very common. I guess some of it is natural curiosity and some of it is ignorance on part of the parents. Do people ask a mother with black hair if her child with blonde hair is adopted? : Of course not - they assume the dad must have light hair. I guess I don't get why the parents wouldn't have taught their children long ago that everyone, including them, is a mixture of two different sets of genes (in regards to height, hair color and type, body type, etc.) My children have known this from a very young age. Anyway, my children are mixed too (actually tri-racial) but here we don't have to deal with as much ignorance because it's not very uncommon.

The mother was wrong to let her son tease yours. It makes me think she feels uncomfortable with it and doesn't know how to explain it.: Maybe in the future your son and this friend can play at your house instead. A mother that would allow cruel teasing to continue like that doesn't sound very responsible.

*Edited to fix a smiley

[menudo]

PEople say some of the dumbest, most ignorant things-and their kids often follow. Don't get me wrong, my DD hassaid some innapropriate things but "you're adopted" usualy comesfrom a rude or ignorant parent. My Mom used to threaten to put me up for adoption whenever I acted up...that is wrong and sets a nad example of what adoption really is!

ME and DH are also different colors. DD is pale with light brown straight hair. DS looks JUST like her but is brown...people, even strangers, ask ifthey have different Fathers. I have many come backs to that...

Talk to him alot, even when the subject is not coming up on its own!

[Saiahma]

Thanks for the responses. Actually we live in a very urban area and though their school has primarily white kids, there are a lot of mixed kids and kids of different races. I guess maybe the mom is uncomfortable with it?? I have had other issues with this child in the past (not into sharing, a lot of violent play etc....) DS has lots of other friends in the neighborhood, so I guess if it continues, I can "redirect" him to play with other kids. It's just makes me sad that DS had to deal with it and I wasn't there to help him out.

[CerridwenLorelei]

aww :( sorry

you are dealing with this

I have been asked if two of mine are adopted/really yours because they have red hair

Hopefully things will start to look up soon for your little guy

[Irishmommy]

I think you should keep your ds away from the other boy. In the case of the girl at school, I would have just said "No" and not gone into an explanation. But that's just me.