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need insight please.

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 

MIL only sees our other kids when we/he brings them over. She has nothing to do with them except for holidays and birthdays. Hubbys not particularly close to her.

 

  Hubby and I had a new baby girl 2 weeks ago.

MIL refused to come see her because I didnt give her MIL's middle name. 

(2 other grandkids have MIL's middle name..wont come here b/c I'm here.)

 

 Hubby told MIL that he'd try to bring our baby to her house next weekend.

 

Im feeling betrayed. It feels like hubby is condoning his mothers nasty behavior against me. 

Powerless. Hubby TOLD me he was going to bring my daughter over there, regardless of how I feel. I feel like he's choosing to honor her feelings over mine.

 

 I know Im super emotional right now and that MIL in general is a very loaded topic between us. I cant help but feeling like, "If seeing baby is important enough to you, you need to suck up your feelings about me and come here to see her."

 I wouldnt be bitchy to her, Id be just as civil as always.

 

 Am I overreacting? Too emotional about this? Is it a smaller issue than it feels to me right now?

post #2 of 7

I think 2 weeks is way way too early to have an "Away from mom" visit period. Whether you were on good terms or not. There is a reason the recover time is 6 weeks and it is to protect the baby as much as you.  He should not be taking her anywhere. I guess it depends on the dynamic you have with MIL. I would not allow it, and he is for sure letting her know that he will overrule you for her. Which kind of sucks.
 

post #3 of 7
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Edited by iamamamaof2 - 1/26/14 at 11:56pm
post #4 of 7
Definitely agree with the above. At 2 weeks no way would I be letting baby out of my sight longer than a quick shower. Breastfeeding is still being established, along with the bonding to mom and it is way too early to introduce a bottle for occasional feeds away from mom. I firmly agree with you that if baby is important, MIL needs to suck it up and visit. I'd be very angry with DH and feel undermined and betrayed too. I'm sorry you have to go through this hug.gif. I hope this is merely a bump in the road brought on by strong emotions all around. Regardless, baby's best interests need to come first and at two weeks old, that means unlimited, uninterrupted access to mom.
post #5 of 7
Thread Starter 

Thank you for the replies. Hubby agreed to wait til baby is 6 weeks old before bringing her out, which is great, but Im still feeling stuck emotionally.

 

 He thinks Im being petty and immature and playing power games with wanting MIL to suck it up and come here. (I even said Id stay upstairs and take a bath while she visits) He feels like Im nt seeing the situation objectively and am going on feelings..

  Whats the difference between feeling strongly based on the principle of a thing and wanting something out of spite?

 

I know I cant control how husband feels and certainly cant change it, but just having him feel the way he does breaks my heart.

post #6 of 7
You're not seeing the situation objectively? How about the fact that your MIL is acting like a petty child who is making sure you know she doesnt want to be around you. If that wasnt bad enough, she is guilt tripping your husband to take your newborn baby away from you so she doesnt have to be a grownup and face people she doesnt like. It is is beyond ridiculous. You have every right to tell him no, you dont consent to that, that you are being more than reasonable by offering to stay upstairs in case your baby needs you while she's there. 2 weeks or 6 weeks, the baby is still very young and needs her mommy most of the time. If my husband were to side with his mother's petty, selfish behavior rather than honoring my reasonable, practical suggestion i would be extremely angry. On top of that he's trying to make you look like the emotionally reactive bad guy?! That is cruel.

He has no right to take your baby away from you without your consent. Stand up to him for your daughter's sake. Maybe she'll be okay during the visit, maybe she won't. Why risk it? Just to please this snotty, petty old woman who acts like she can sit in her house like a queen and make others wait on her. Its clear from what you describe that she doesnt give a damn about her grandkids, she is just acting out like a small child. Honor yourself and you will be honoring your child. Dont let your daughter become another pawn for your MIL's stupid games.
post #7 of 7

The PP said it well!!!!

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