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Is anyone else tired of the negativity? - Page 2

post #21 of 42
Oh, no, I never got the idea that you were pushing me to do a version. I just wanted to share what I have been told about the procedure.

My real concern is not so much the section itself, but the place we are having it done at. I don't feel that most of the staff are too competent. I am terrified that something is going to go wrong. My husband and I are alone here with no family. If something were to happen to me, my parents are in no way really able to help him with the kids, and his entire family is in Pakistan. I think you are in New York, so you probably have not heard of Henry Ford Hospital. The one that we are going to is their Detroit facility. I have had good luck at their locations in Dearborn and Wyandotte, but the location in Dearborn does not do deliveries. The doctor who is doing the surgery (who we have never met) only does it in Detroit. She may well be competent, but from what I have seen so far, the residents and nurses at Detroit are not that good. And I will be at their mercy during my recovery. We also had a big blowup last week with a senior staff physician and checked out ama, so I am worried that will influence how we get treated.

Pamela England says that we all have one major fear about birth in her book Birthing From Within. Mine has always been that I will get cut open and then die. I have never feared the pain of naturally birthing, as I know a lot of women do. And I do not begrudge anyone of their fears. I just have this sense that something is going to go wrong. Don't know if it is intuition or hormones or lack of family support or simply fear talking. It is just hard to logically sort it all out.
post #22 of 42
Thanks, everyone, for all your support. I just needed to vent, and get it out. I am a pretty healthy person and should recover well. My big objection is not so much the section, but the shitty way the hospital is treating us. No compassion. Just a concern about liability and making money. They don't care what happens to me or my kids, just covering their own butts and making a buck. They are so money-hungry that they cannot wait a day, even on a planned, necessary section. It makes me sick. Thanks again for being understanding.
post #23 of 42
Gosh. I don't want to add my negativity to a thread about others being tired of negativity. LOL. So here are a few things that I am thankful for....
-My husband being a great support to me.
-My parents and brother are excited for us, as is my husband's family, and most of our friends.
-My supportive friends on Mothering. Y'all are a huge blessing, thanks so much for that. :-D
-My lack of pregnancy complications. 38 weeks IS something, for twins. And for a woman with autoimmune issues, this is a miracle. Well, one of my AI conditions is in remission now, and I have had people tell me that I look better than I have in years. So yes, for the most part, pregnancy has been my friend. My family doc told me once, "The best treatment for your issues would be to get pregnant." Just out of curiosity, do any other moms on here have autoimmune issues? Don't mean to thread hijack, but I would be interested to know.
-And, of course, my kids. I am excited to meet them, too. One looks like my husband, the other like me. The bigger twin is the one who looks like him, which is funny as he is way bigger than me. Well, so is everyone, pretty much. LOL. One big advantage to being short is that you look younger than what you really are.

So there are a few things I am thankful for. I feel much better now.

Siddal, the doctors lost it when the ultrasound at 37 weeks, 3 days showed weights of 5.2 and 6.6. I am worried that they will stick our kids in the nicu due to their sizes and the fact that I have only been seeing them a short time (I had been planning a homebirth with a DEM until we discovered it was twins) and the fact that we have gone against their advice. So your kids were only 3.14 and 4.14 at birth and had no nicu time? Mind blowing. I mean, I was already told they might have to go there. Are they just screwing with us, or what?!
post #24 of 42

I can't see a full term 5lb plus baby getting put in NICU unless there was a non-size related problem (as full term babies can have, I think I get used to thinking NICUs are for preemies but really they're for infants who need intensive care, many of whom are small and premature). My daughter was full term and just over 6 lbs at birth, no NICU time, no breathing problems. Babies come small and large and I think 5+ lbs is quite a nice weight for twins.

post #25 of 42
Originally Posted by Edelweiss98 View Post

 Babies come small and large and I think 5+ lbs is quite a nice weight for twins.

I agree! wow, that is annoying that the docs are being so reactionary.  yes, no NICU time for ours at 3.14 and 4.14.  I think we were originally told that anything under 5lb, they take your baby to the NICU.  And I was really upset.  My fear was that we would get to take one home and have to leave one there.  Which obviously isn't the worst thing ever, but it is hard not to be upset at the thought when you are pregnant and tired and already stressed out.  But later we found out that the hospital no longer had that policy and they base NICU stays on the actual condition of the baby/ies.  So for us, it was all about how much weight they could put on within the first couple of days, so they could see that they were thriving, and how well Baby B did with breathing.  She did have one incident where she choked in the nursery and turned a bit blue and they had to put her on oxygen. They wanted to watch them a bit longer to see how they did. And they very kindly let us stay a day or two extra, the last day spent in a courtesy room, so that we didn't have to go home w/o the babies. Frankly, it was good for me, too, since I had to have a c-section.  Just as my babies were smaller than expected, I have also heard a mom on here comment on how her babies were larger than expected. No matter how good those scans may be, they are often far from accurate.  So don't let the docs scare you.  Your twins could be even bigger than they have measured.


Glad to hear you have a loving supportive circle of folks around you.  That helps so much. xx

post #26 of 42

Our NICU doesn't have a discharge weight requirement either, like 4 lbs. It's if the baby can maintain temperature with just a diaper and  blanket, no poor breathing episodes and can get milk through breast or bottle.

post #27 of 42
Edelweiss and Siddal, I read your last posts aloud to my husband, and we both have to say thank you for your insights. We could see no real reason at this point for an automatic nicu stay just due to the kids being small. If there are complications, then yes, they need the nicu, of course. And the sizes might be totally off. During the ultrasound, the sonographer kept stating, "You know, it is just so hard for me to get the best pictures here. They are really in weird positions." Well, Baby A is frank breech with her butt over the cervical opening. Baby A's head is level with my belly button on the left side. Baby B is fully transverse now, she was oblique before. Baby B's head is on my right upper side below my ribs. Her feet are sideways over the top of the other baby's head. So again, it is not the section itself that upsets me, it is needed, it is just the awful way in which we are getting treated. Yesterday, not one, but two doctors called, demanding that we do yet another nst, and we refused. The kids are moving just fine, and we just could not deal with going back there for more harassment. They were "concerned" yesterday. No one has called today. Guess they aren't as "concerned" now. Well, I told them yesterday that their "concern" is motivated by money, and that they really don't care about me or my children. Maybe I have hit a nerve somewhere?
post #28 of 42

Just wanted to pop on and recommend a book my fiance and I have both enjoyed. It's called "The Joy of Twins" by Pamela Novotny. Seemed appropriate for the title of this thread. Some of the product info is outdated as this gem was written in 1988. But it is thoughtfully researched and well written. I'll let these lines from the intro sum it up: "I have two hopes for this book. THe first is that it will enable you to find your best way of caring for yourself and your family by showing you options you may have not considered. The second is that it will help demolish some of the mythology-most of it negative- that surrounds multiples and their families." Our twins are almost 4 months and this one book on our shelf we keep going back to. 

post #29 of 42

Thanks for the recommendation Momma Bear! I'll definitely be adding that one to the amazon line up!

post #30 of 42

Hate it. I'm 5 years out with twins and I can't say it's gotten any better :( Mine are very active too, not naughty, just active. Plus our large family, so three things against us on the negative comments deal. Ours are identical too so we get bonus stupid comments about that. "How do you tell them apart?" and "Are they twins?" (Durrrrrrrrr.)


I've just learned to tune it out at this point. Sometimes I'll even be rude back, if they're doing it in a rude way or if I'm just feeling particularly irritated.


Lately I've learned to replace irritation with pity at some people. Especially other parents who are so negative about kids, twins or not. How sad for them that they can't imagine enjoying parenting and not having a terrible time with it.

post #31 of 42
Hi everyone, thanks for all your support, just wanted to update you. The girls are here! Born at 1:49 and 1:51 p.m. on Wednesday via planned c-section. Hassanah, Baby A, weighed 4.13 and measured 17.7. She was breech, while Shahzadi, Baby B, was transverse and weighed 5.8 and measured 19.1. No nicu time at all. We were sent home yesterday. I am still sore and moving pretty slowly, but I feel good. Thanks for all your support, and good luck to all expectant twin moms on here. Hope you all get a chance for a vaginal birth. The sction was not as bad as I had feared, but the morphine made me feel just awful for the first day--and night. Trying to care for babies while you are dizzy, vomiting, bleeding heavily, and stoned-out is NOT fun at all. Having a ditzy lc show you how to pump in that state is futile(literally remembered nothing the next day, had to figure it out myself, but I did it--until my milk came in and both girls are nursing now). Second lc was great. Hospital stay was good. Apgars were 8 and 9 for Hassanah and 9 and 9 for Shahzadi. :-D.
post #32 of 42

congratulations! So glad you were able to avoid a NICU stay and they're healthy!

post #33 of 42

wonderful! congratulations, mama!  xx

post #34 of 42


post #35 of 42
Thanks, everyone. The girls had a doctor visit this afternoon. They are 2 weeks today and have put on weight well. Hassanah is at 5.1, from 4.13 at birth, while Shahzadi has regained her birth weight and is still 5.8. The past week has been a challenge, but my husband helps me a lot. It is going ok, and I am breastfeeding them both. Keep sending positive thoughts my way, and I wish you all the best.
post #36 of 42

Hi everyone, just wanted to jump in here.  Congratulations TizTaz!


When I was pregnant I got really tired of reading all the horror stories about premature births, etc.  It was only when I joined MDC that I started to think maybe I could actually carry my babies to 37 weeks (which I did).  It's hard eough physically to be pregnant with multiples, and when you are bombarded with scary stories about what "could" happen it makes for a very stressful pregnancy!


Now that they are 3 months old I find that most of the negativity in my life comes from within.  I am tired of being negative about having twins!  I wish I could be happier about it, but the fact is I feel like my life is completely out of my control right now and my activities are dictated by these 2 little creatures.  I don't get out much, so when people do stop me and make the stupid "twin" comments I enjoy it.  It makes me feel special.  I've been lucky that both sides of the family are very supportive and involved, so we have had lots of help.  


MommaBear, I am totally going to check out that book.  Thanks for the tip!

post #37 of 42

*hugs* to you, 2babies2kidsmom.  I think many of us can relate to having those negative feelings inside sometimes.  To be honest, I had a lot of them the first 6 months.  You have already gotten past the hardest stage of twin-dom, IMHO.  The first 3 months were the toughest.  My girls are 10 1/2 months now, and even though it is still hard sometimes, overall it is SO much easier.  I still don't get out by myself much with them, other than walks, as I'm on my own all day, and between getting their two naps in, feedings and giving them time for play, it's hard. But when my husband is home, we take them out more and more. Looking back, I still cannot believe how hard some of last fall and winter was, but I also feel a little wistful, realizing that they are moving towards toddlerhood at such a fast rate.  And they won't be infants for much longer.  Some of the days feel endless when you are going through them, but now it feels like time has flown by. I'm 42, and these are the only kids we will have. So sometimes, I really do miss that teeny tiny stage.  It's rough having one's life restricted to such a degree.  But at this point, I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and how, with each passing year, I'll have a little more of my own freedom back, and also have more time to just BE with my kids and enjoy them.  So hang in there.  You are doing great.  And I agree...sometimes I really enjoy those comments, too, and feel special and proud of showing off my babies.  smile.gif   Other times they can get a little wearying, like when I'm at the farmer's market and I hear for the 10th time, 'well you have a load full there!"  If I'm tired and cranky I want to say, "yeah, no sh#@$, Sherlock! well spotted." lol  But mostly these days I just laugh it off and enjoy the attention.

post #38 of 42
Thread Starter 

Dela: How disappointing that it doesn't get better! I also hate the "just wait until they are walking!" "just wait until they are talking!" "just wait until they are teenagers!" said forbodingly. Yes, won't that be wonderful?! First words, stories, songs, dancing, dating, weddings!!! I CHOSE to have children, after all, and I'm fully aware that children break things, talk back, and draw on the walls. I still want to enjoy each stage.


TizTaz5: Congratulations! Yes, possibly some of it has to do with fertility challenges. Our twins were spontaneous (no fertility meds), but it still tooks us two years to get a healthy pregnancy and we suffered one miscarriage, too. So I'm grateful for every day. I guess some of the negative comments come from parents who had unplanned children, etc. They are just projecting, and I have to try and remember that.

post #39 of 42
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by siddal View Post

Other times they can get a little wearying, like when I'm at the farmer's market and I hear for the 10th time, 'well you have a load full there!"

ALWAYS at the Farmers Market! I wonder why that is. I am usually fine with the first two, maybe three, people who stop me to ask about the twins per outing. But if I'm out for more than an hour or in a busy place, it can actually literally get up into the double digits. And then I get CRANKY and start ignoring everyone. We do take the twins out A LOT, though, and I realize that a lot of twin parents don't as much, so people don't actually see really young twins very often, which makes us even more popular.

post #40 of 42
Congrats Tiztiz!

2babies2kids, I hear you. I do get feelings of frustration that I'm paying a lot more for daycare than I was planning with 3 kids vs. 2 kids (thank God my daycare owner was willing and able to give me a generous discount or it would be even worse) and all the other financial things that 3 kids vs. 2 kids means (more $$ for college, more diapers, more clothes, more carseats, etc.) I feel robbed of another vaginal birth (not that it was a guarentee with a singleton, but much more likely) and robbed of getting to experience the 2 kids I'd planned for. I've mostly gotten over it, but it still is frustrating at times.

As for the typical hands full comments, I tend to respond (when DD1 is not present) that these two babies put together are way easier than my first DD as she was so intense and high needs and didn't sleep. I was seriously a zombie with DD1, it was bad. They already sleep better than she did at 18 months and I mean that combined smile.gif What I find most difficult is when they both are screaming at once and I'm the only adult around(very, very rare) and at bathtime as the non-bather tends to always be fussy so bathtime is not the joy it was with DD1, it's just another chore, can't wait until they are big enough to bathe together! I'm sure there will be lots of other challenges as they get older and are crawling/running in different directions, but there will also be great things too I think like built-in playmate! I can get out with them fine since they like they car (DD1 hated the car for 13 months), I have a double stroller, etc. It is logistically harder and I do avoid some places that are a breeze with just one infant, but I got out tons much to the amazement of a lot of people. I mostly got out for my own sanity, I couldn't stand being cooped up in my house all day on maternity leave, especially after being in the hospital for a week and a half (pre-e w/random HB decels from the babies & c-section) and being stuck on the couch for awhile recovering from the pre-e & c-section. But yeah, most of my frustration is financial and it is hard to vent to people about that as I feel like it is coming off as ungrateful or shallow or something.

I will say I get a lot of "What a blessing!" and the like as well from people too who see my twins. My favorite is everyone trotting out their twin story, you know what I mean: they are a twin, they have twin cousins/friends/etc. It seems at least half the people I meet have a twin story.
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