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What comments have you had about your large family?

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 

I've had a few comments here and there. Nothing to terrible but I do often struggle with how to respond, especially when people talk about limited resources and population issues. 


One positive comment I received from a great aunt that was very touching. "It's so nice that you have brought so many beautiful souls into the world." love.gif

post #2 of 43

I haven't really had any comments. I only have 4 kids (5th in discussion). But it's about them being ALL boys. I hear, dang you have your hands full. Or are you finished or are you going to keep trying for a girl? Crazy, non of their business things.

post #3 of 43

Not too much bad in public. Our neighbor does tease my hubby about "what causes that" but he has four of his own and isn't mean/snarky about it. We have gotten some nasty stares and we get the hands full all of the time.


Most comments we get come from older people who either had large families themselves or came from large families or wanted a large family but for whatever reason didn't. They love to tell us how wonderful it is to see bigger families.

post #4 of 43

Here is what I hear when I announce a pregnancy:


"You do know how that happens, right?!"


"Don't you think you have had enough?!"


"When are you going to stop having kids?!"


"Oh Shit! You have to stop doing this!" (Thanks mom for being so supportive, Mom!)


Here is what I get from people when they meet my family:


"Are you Catholic?" (no, I am an atheist)


"Why do you have so many kids?"


I had a coworker tell me how much smarter she is than me because she only has two kids!


Occasionally I will run into other big family people and then I get to hear:


"That's great! We have "enter # of kids". We love big families!"

post #5 of 43

Well I have triplets and twins, and thats what gets the CRAZY comments more than the actual number. 


I got more comments when I had 4/5/6 than now. I think now people just treat us as so insane that they leave us alone. :p

post #6 of 43

Right now it's just all about the 2 year olds. People assume they are triplets, and we get many "wow, triplets! You have your hands full!" and stuff like that, or the best one "did you use fertility treatments?". I mean, how rude is that, if they were triplets! And why do people think it's any of their business?!


momtoafireteam, you must get that too hey? What do you say? Any funny replies that'll shut them up?

post #7 of 43

I've had very few negative comments aimed directly at me. I've seen plenty online of course, directed at the Duggars or large families in general. I have all sorts of strong opinions on "over population" and the junk angry anonymous people love to spew towards lg families online, but the are not politically correct opinions. winky.gif


What I hear 100% of the time when I say that I have 7 children is "you look way too young to have that many kids". And then they nearly burst from shock when they ask about their ages and I have to tell them I have a 21 yr old. Flattering for sure, but honestly soo embarrassing.


We live in an area with a very high Mormon population so families with more kids than we are not uncommon, and we are not all that shocking. But I do get the hands full comment all the time, which I don't feel offended by. I do have my hands full! I love getting the comments from elderly people about what a blessing our large family is, like fruitfulmomma mentioned.


It's important to me to portray large families as just as happy and normal and organized as everybody else, so I always make an attempt to appear that way when out and about. :P


The weirdest comment I ever got was from a guy in Oakland, CA, a total stranger I ran into in a waiting room. I was only pregnant with my 3rd. Whenhe  learned of this, he said in an extremely serious tone, "That's it though, right? Three is too many, you're not going to have any more after this, RIGHT??" He was demanding to know and waited for me to answer. It was really bizarre.

post #8 of 43

Gracious I could write a book.  It is amazing to me what people will say.

post #9 of 43

My favorite was a dad who said, "So, are you Mormon?" (No.) "Catholic?" (No.)  "So, you just must like kids, huh?" (Yes, I do.)  I felt sorry for his kids, though I understand some people are more challenged by parenthood.  I feel totally challenged by parenthood, but I still bring it upon myself.  I think I like the challenge : )  


My grandmother cried when I told her about my pregnancy, and said, "How can you bring another into this terrible world?  How will you protect all of them?"  Not exactly the congratulations we were hoping for.  My mother in law announced, "You are crazy, you know that, don't you?" and walked out of the room.  Funny thing is, she had 5!  Yes, we're sort of crazy.  Life is short! 

Edited by mataji4 - 6/21/13 at 7:44pm
post #10 of 43

The worst comment, besides my brother making fun of me with #4 for being "old", was when I was preg with #3, we had the first two kids with us in Aldi's, and this elderly couple asked if those were our kids, then pointed at my belly and said, "You know what causes that, don't you?" I ALMOST said, "Yeah, fucking!" but I didn't. Maybe I should have! At this point any comments are people thinking the baby is one of my teen daughters' child :( I just would NEVER make comments to people, even when I just had two kids! I recently heard of someone's own sister fussing at her for getting pregnant again at age 40. Family of all people should be supportive!

post #11 of 43
We've been pretty lucky. We don't get too many negative comments. I had a nice older lady at the playground stop me yesterday and want to talk because she came from a family of 8. Her mother was widowed with 8 kids, WOW! She was fun to talk to. smile.gif

The whole over population issue has always kind of pissed me off. If these people are genuinely concerned about over population then they should be focusing their efforts on making sure women in third world countries who WAnT access to birth control and safe abortions, and need protection from rape are getting these things. NOT focusing on harassing couples who CHOOSE to bring more than 2.5 kids into the world. Just my little rant.innocent.gif
post #12 of 43

Oh my older kids are mistaken for mom or dad of the babies and toddlers all the time.

post #13 of 43
Originally Posted by zjande View Post

What I hear 100% of the time when I say that I have 7 children is "you look way too young to have that many kids". And then they nearly burst from shock when they ask about their ages and I have to tell them I have a 21 yr old. Flattering for sure, but honestly soo embarrassing.

LOL, I get that a lot, too. I'm only 32, and I look younger. I remember once when someone introduced me at church, and mentioned how many kids I had, and the person I was being introduced to said, "Whoa, I thought you were in the youth group!" That was about five years ago. People have also told me I look too thin to have kids, which is hilarious to me because I'm about fifty pounds heavier than I was when I had my first.

Most people are just shocked. They'll ask me to repeat how many kids I have a bunch of times. I get a lot of, "You must have your hands full," "I could never do that," and "Don't you know what causes that?" My DH likes to answer that last one -- in detail. :P He's made more than one person regret asking. Sometimes I pre-empt that question by saying, "We got a TV for the bedroom, but it hasn't helped!" (My grandfather used to always joke that we needed a TV in the bedroom.) That leads to the inevitable, "Stop watching THOSE channels!" jokes. Once I did get pretty irritated when I was introduced to one of my husband's friends, and the first thing he said to me was, "Haven't you ever heard of birth control?"

All of my friends are very supportive, even though none of them have more than three. Most of them will tell people how great our kids are, and lie and say we're terrific parents. :P One of my best friends does joke that she won't drink from the same glass as my husband, but it's good natured. My in-laws are also really great. My MIL admitted that she thinks we're crazy, but all she cares about is loving on her grandchildren. My family, OTOH... When I announced #4, my grandmother told me that she was praying I wouldn't get pregnant (we'd let them know when we were TTC) and that four children would put me in an asylum. My mother asks me way too often when I'm going to "get that taken care of" (ie, get fixed). greensad.gif

I have gotten some bad comments from strangers. Once, I was buying cigarettes for my husband and I got carded. I joked to the woman behind the counter that I hoped I was old enough to buy cigarettes, because I was about to have my fourth child. She was shocked, and told me that, "If you were MY daughter, I'd kill you!" Shortly after that I was talking about needing a bigger car, and someone said that to be my age and have four kids there "must be something wrong" with me. (That was online, and a bunch of people who knew me came to my defense.) Finally, when I took my kids to the Renaissance Festival, the guy who ran one of the rides started telling me that I was ruining my kids' lives by having so many, and that they'd hate me when they were grown. greensad.gif

Honestly, the thing that upsets me most is when people imply that my oldest two are not "really" mine, just because I didn't give birth to them. "Oh, you don't REALLY have seven kids, you only have five." NO, I have SEVEN. About to have EIGHT. I raised them, I changed their diapers, they're MY KIDS.
post #14 of 43

When I was pregnant with my fifth, I was at a school gathering.  A mom of four heard I was pregnant and came up to me from the other side of the room, and pronounced, "Oh my God you are having another baby!  Oh my God, I would kill myself."  That was probably the most extreme thing I've heard from anyone.  I said, "Well, I guess it's me that's pregnant then, and not you."  


People have a hard time being appropriate.  They think of their own stress and that they couldn't do it and they project.  I'm always glad to hear from my dear friends how they're excited for us because a big family is always what we've wanted, and that our kids are so great.  


I think to make up for other people's rudeness, I'm always crazy excited for people when I hear they are pregnant, even people I don't know!  

post #15 of 43

I've heard comments like this before and I never know what to say.  It especially upsets me when they are made in front of the children.  People are always saying "I could never handle X amount"  and I've been known to reply "I think you are probably underestimating yourself."  My husband once replied "Why?  What are ya - some kinda wimp?"  ...but he was feeling particularly saucy that day. 


I get the 'you look too young' comment as well.  I am 38 - and my oldest is 18.  We were married at 18 and he was born when I was 19.  Yes,  it does get embarrassing,  as do the 'you must be a saint' comments. 

post #16 of 43

I like that "underestimating yourself" response, that's good.  


What really upsets me are the comments made about gender in front of my kids.  I have just one girl, and people are often saying things like, "I hope this baby's a girl, for your sake!" or "What if you have another boy?"  I can't believe someone would say that in front of my boys, but they do!!  


Yesterday at yoga someone said, "Wow, you look great for having your sixth kid."  How do people think someone looks having their sixth kid?  All the moms of many I've met are spunky darling women!  : )

post #17 of 43

I just get the hands full comment.  Especially when I have a baby on each hip. I just smile, wiggle a few fingers and say, "These fingers are free." 

post #18 of 43

"Wow! You sure have a lot of kids! Are they all from the same dad?" This question was asked in front of my children at a Playland. I shewed my kids off to play as I was telling the person, "Not that it is any of your business, but I prostitute for a living!" bigeyes.gif Then continued to watch my kids.


I was pregnant with my 4th. Probably shouldn't have said that, but man I was having a bad day and when irritated I tend to blurt the craziest stuff out. My children do look like they could all have different dads. We are Indonesian, Dutch, Jew,  and Mexican Indian, German, Irish. Our children are all the colors of the rainbow.

post #19 of 43

Well, I have pretty much heard all the ones the other moms have already posted.  The one that really bothers me is when people say, "God bless you!"  with a snide look that really has nothing whatsoever to do with asking God to bless me...what they really mean is "Lady, you're crazy!"  but are afraid to say it.  My favorite comments come from the elderly people who came from big families and reminisce about how much fun it was to grow up with so many siblings.  I also try to be a good example of a joyful, calm mom and family in public (don't get me wrong...we have our moments!).  I don't ever want anyone to see us and think, "See, she can't handle that many kids.  THat's why people shouldn't have big families."

post #20 of 43

I get the "you have your hands full!" comment constantly... I just say "It keeps me out of trouble ;)" I don't know why... but I guess if I didn't have my kids I would find something to obsess over...

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