I think I am definitely doing another UP/UC this time around. I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and have yet to find a mw and every time I start looking for one (just online, not even making calls!) I get totally stressed out. I mean, I live in Western WA, 20 minutes south of Seattle, and there's about a billion super awesome midwives but for some reason the thought of contacting some to set up interviews just keeps getting me all frustrated. Part of it is I want to find a midwife who's also an ND so I can continue seeing her for family care after the baby is born but one that I've found isn't actively practicing as a mw because she doesn't deliver enough babies to justify carrying the malpractice insurance, another one is only practicing as a midwife and not as a family practice ND anymore, and the one that does both is over an hour away from me.
Plus, I really don't want anyone there when I give birth. I would give birth completely alone if the opportunity presented itself, but I feel like its something I should share with my BF and my DD. The thought of anyone else being there just seems wrong. My 2nd birth was a UC and it was amazing, just my ex-dh and the baby's parents (it was a surro pregnancy) were there. I felt completely in charge and in control the whole time. I was able to fully rely myself and my instincts. With my 3rd we had a totally awesome laid back mw who was also a close friend but even then I could tell I was giving over some control to her. It was almost like I felt like I needed to allow her to be in charge. I don't know, it's hard to explain to myself and even harder to write down. I loved my prenatal care with her; she was totally fine with seeing me every few months. It was more or less just enough so she had a few visits on paper as a CYA kind of thing. I think I we had a grand total of 6 prenatal visits in 41 weeks. Ideally I'd like a midwife who would provide that kind of "care" again and just have someone to see if anything did come up that I was concerned about.
Just about everyone I know IRL is all shocked and appalled I haven't been to a Dr yet. It's really irritating me this time around. My response is "Why would I? What exactly can a doctor do for me at this point?" I (mostly) eat well, I take my vitamins (most of the time), and there's not a whole hell of a lot they can do if you're going to miscarry (and this I know after having had two at 11 weeks then 8 weeks.) Just like my first UP/UC I've had "appointments" with myself at 4 weeks, 8 weeks, and 12 weeks. I weigh myself (only .5 lb gain so far, woohoo!) take my BP (always insanely low, but totally normal for me), and this week I was able to hear the HB with my doppler. At 20 weeks I'll start tracking fundal height. Other than the pee sticks (which I could buy but haven't bothered) that's all I'd be getting from a midwife. So far I've declined all prenatal testing in my previous pregnancies, including the GD and GBS test, and still will if I do find a provider with this one. My BF is mostly supportive...He said he would prefer to have a mw at the birth, but for his support not mine, lol! He said she can sit in the driveway for all he cares. His DD was the typical ob/hospital birth so he really has no clue what to expect with a homebirth but I've got some time to work him :)
I really don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess this is the only place where other people will understand me and say "I feel ya!" So, thanks for taking the time to read my little vent :)