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It's looking like a UP/UC for me

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

I think I am definitely doing another UP/UC this time around. I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and have yet to find a mw and every time I start looking for one (just online, not even making calls!) I get totally stressed out. I mean, I live in Western WA, 20 minutes south of Seattle, and there's  about a billion super awesome midwives but for some reason the thought of contacting some to set up interviews just keeps getting me all frustrated. Part of it is I want to find a midwife who's also an ND so I can continue seeing her for family care after the baby is born but one that I've found isn't actively practicing as a mw because she doesn't deliver enough babies to justify carrying the malpractice insurance, another one is only practicing as a midwife and not as a family practice ND anymore, and the one that does both is over an hour away from me. 

 

Plus, I really don't want anyone there when I give birth. I would give birth completely alone if the opportunity presented itself, but I feel like its something I should share with my BF and my DD. The thought of anyone else being there just seems wrong. My 2nd birth was a UC and it was amazing, just my ex-dh and the baby's parents (it was a surro pregnancy) were there. I felt completely in charge and in control the whole time. I was able to fully rely myself and my instincts. With my 3rd we had a totally awesome laid back mw who was also a close friend but even then I could tell I was giving over some control to her. It was almost like I felt like I needed to allow her to be in charge. I don't know, it's hard to explain to myself and even harder to write down. I loved my prenatal care with her; she was totally fine with seeing me every few months. It was more or less just enough so she had a few visits on paper as a CYA kind of thing. I think I we had a grand total of 6 prenatal visits in 41 weeks. Ideally I'd like a midwife who would provide that kind of "care" again and just have someone to see if anything did come up that I was concerned about.

 

Just about everyone I know IRL is all shocked and appalled I haven't been to a Dr yet. It's really irritating me this time around. My response is "Why would I? What exactly can a doctor do for me at this point?" I (mostly) eat well, I take my vitamins (most of the time), and there's not a whole hell of a lot they can do if you're going to miscarry (and this I know after having had two at 11 weeks then 8 weeks.) Just like my first UP/UC I've had "appointments" with myself at 4 weeks, 8 weeks, and 12 weeks. I weigh myself (only .5 lb gain so far, woohoo!) take my BP (always insanely low, but totally normal for me), and this week I was able to hear the HB with my doppler. At 20 weeks I'll start tracking fundal height. Other than the pee sticks (which I could buy but haven't bothered) that's all I'd be getting from a midwife. So far I've declined all prenatal testing in my previous pregnancies, including the GD and GBS test, and still will if I do find a provider with this one. My BF is mostly supportive...He said he would prefer to have a mw at the birth, but for his support not mine, lol! He said she can sit in the driveway for all he cares. His DD was the typical ob/hospital birth so he really has no clue what to expect with a homebirth but I've got some time to work him :)

 

I really don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess this is the only place where other people will understand me and say "I feel ya!" So, thanks for taking the time to read my little vent :)

post #2 of 10
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, but this is my first UP/UC. I just don't feel like hassling with anyone and am really excited! Congratulations! I'm 13 weeks. smile.gif
post #3 of 10

I think that its great that you know what you need and you're going with it!

post #4 of 10

Thankyou for posting this! Having been through the same thing this pregnancy especially, it's somehow validating to read someone else feeling the same way. This is my first pregnancy that I haven't called around to the myriad of midwives in the area, to see if I can find one that "fits," and it took a while for me to work through why I couldn't quite feel right about calling any of them. I've got less than 2 months left now, and have been doing my own prenatal care along similar lines to what you have planned, and feel so much confidence in that choice this time- but it's still nice to hear of someone else doing/feeling the same.

post #5 of 10
Uc is something my dh and i have considered for a while and now more than ever when the only hb mw in my area that insurance will covernis no longer taking new clients. Also, what you said is as close as i think you can get in words exactly what ive been feeling and thinking. Im so sick of not being heard, not finding that match and being told im wrong by people that are supposed to trust a womans intuition and the process of birth that i want to scream and ive come to dread the idea of having this birth attended. I feel ya!
post #6 of 10

I hear ya, Trish.  I bounce in and out of considering hiring a midwife but then I remember that I don't want to go to prenatal appointments, and I don't want anyone here when I birth, so...what's the point?!  

I just get worried sometimes in my head.  My big fear is that my baby or I will actually die from some strange circumstance and I/husband/family/friends/everyone will think, "Geez, why wasn't she attended by anyone?!"  It's pretty far out there, and I have had five homebirths and two unassisted births, so I am not sure where that fear comes from.

post #7 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by mataji4 View Post

I hear ya, Trish.  I bounce in and out of considering hiring a midwife but then I remember that I don't want to go to prenatal appointments, and I don't want anyone here when I birth, so...what's the point?!  
I just get worried sometimes in my head.  My big fear is that my baby or I will actually die from some strange circumstance and I/husband/family/friends/everyone will think, "Geez, why wasn't she attended by anyone?!"  It's pretty far out there, and I have had five homebirths and two unassisted births, so I am not sure where that fear comes from.


This is me right at the moment! I'm 33wks and my first up/planned lucy. Our third was a planned homebirth with Midwife but she didn't make it to the birth. This is my fifth and from the beginning I have felt the need for a primal pregnancy and birth. I did meet with a Midwife earlier this year but have not seen her since. My dh has fears about what if baby is born not breathing, so I contacted the Midwife. Make a long story shorter, we couldn't afford her fees and she so kindly said she'd come to the birth and we pay her gas. Well she has not returned any of my calls so we are back to uc! I still worry about the what it's but I that they are just normal worries.
post #8 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mataji4 View Post

 My big fear is that my baby or I will actually die from some strange circumstance and I/husband/family/friends/everyone will think, "Geez, why wasn't she attended by anyone?!"  It's pretty far out there, and I have had five homebirths and two unassisted births, so I am not sure where that fear comes from.

That seems like a pretty normal concern for anyone planning an out-of-hospital birth. If something does go wrong everyone will think it wouldn't have happened if you'd just gone to the hospital but if the same thing went wrong in the hospital everyone would say, "Oh they did what they could. These things just happen sometimes." It's always there in some quiet place in the back my mind too.

 

18 weeks and still UP for me. I found another midwife who said on her site she provides some birth photography if the parents with. I thought this would be a perfect solution. She can be there taking pics but leaving me alone but DP can feel better about someone "being there." So I emailed her but she doesn't take my insurance and I'm not paying out of pocket for care I really don't even want in the first place. Yet another sign I'm meant to UP/UC ;)

post #9 of 10

I'm with you on the "what's the point of ob visits" at this point.  I've had 2 hb's and want to again but we currently live in AL where it's "alegal" and all the mw's will only deliver if you drive to TN... and we're moving to FL at some point in this pg and all the mw's want $6k by 34 weeks... I'm already 13... it ain't happening.  So, here I am, researching UC knowing my dh will not allow it... praying I can change his mind.  I just can't give birth in a hospital.

post #10 of 10

It's not so much it being a homebirth, as that's common here, but more the unattended homebirth...if something happened with a midwife present, I still think people would say we were responsible and did all we could to have safe passage for our baby.  

Just found out recently that the state insurance I got actually will cover ANY care I seek out, including midwives.  So that's interesting.  But knowing that, I still haven't called anyone.  I have a friend who's a midwife who said she'll come if I call at any point, so that's reassuring.  

I swear I saw a knot in the baby's cord on one of the ultrasound pictures this week; I need to ask her about that.  Not that there's anything I can do.  And it's a blessing then that my placenta is low-lying as less pull on the cord when baby is being born.  

I would like to hire a birth photographer, but she's $400!  She's amazing, but still.  I think it'd be sort of funny to have her come, though I would sure love quality indoor pics of a birth (mine have all been pretty bad with the low light)- and she has a fancy enough set up that she doesn't flash the baby.  

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