Originally Posted by bananabee
One thing I don't get that you are saying, Contactmaya. "The gift is for the child, not the recipient." That doesn't make any sense to me. Of course the gift is for the recipient, and the point is to teach children to give and appreciate the important people in their lives.
Its for the recipient, *from* the child, but the whole business is for the child, including teaching the child to give gifts , and receive thanks.
I should have been consulted about the whole thing, thats another subject. But i dont blame my roommate for that, nor do i blame the teachers. I blame myself for not being more aware of the upcoming 'fathers day' and discussing what the teachers had planned.
Roommate is kind to my children and has given them gifts, so receiving gifts from them is not out of place. On fathers day? Well, i should have been consulted....but thats not what this is about.
I still think the thankyou note to the teacher was unnecessary, and the teacher *really* meant it.
Your son is 5 yrs old, and he may have expressed angst about not having a dad to give a present to, and the teacher probably asked if there was another man in his life, or delicately asked if any men lived in his house, thus directing him to make a paperweight for your roommate.
Im aware of this, which is why i blame myself for not being proactive...teachers should have been more sensitive, and asked me, but it is a part time preschool. However, this is not the issue, this is another issue.
Your roommate might have felt it awkward that your son gave him a father's day present and because he felt he didn't deserve it, he felt pressure to respond with extra courtesy. Maybe someone in his life made him feel like crap for not saying thank you or sending a thank-you card.
It is unlikely that the roommate DIDN'T say thank you to your son. Why would he be so courteous as to send a note to the teacher and yet not have the courtesy to thank your son for the paperweight? Obviously, but he only needed to thank my child...
Of course, it is natural for the teacher to say "totally unnecessary!" when you give her a thank-you note. I say that often when someone thanks me for doing something it didn't take me any trouble to do.
What you might consider doing, since this DID feel weird to you is simply tell your son's teachers to have him make future projects for you, since you are his only parent.
It is fairly natural for a child to want to have a mommy and a daddy, since they see that pattern in the world, so that may be something you can talk to your son about, as well as review your expectations of the boundaries you want maintained between your roommate and your kids.
Personally, as a single mom with one child in an area far away from any family, and even though my DD has a dad who skypes with her and visits 1-2x per year, I want to surround her with as many people who care about her as possible, so that she feels confident interacting with both men and women, and has other trustworthy caring adults to look up to. I'm not trying to make anyone be her "dad" in person, but I certainly allow close friends to be called "aunt" and "uncle". That defines them as non-parents while still claiming them as her special "family". Only two people fall in that category right now, but I just want her to grow up feeling surrounded by love.