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weird dilemma - Page 2

post #21 of 28

I think it is a really odd situation. But not a big deal. I think your roomate was probably also confused as to what is appropriate in this situation and thanking your son is better than giving it back to him explaining that it is not socially appropriate. But maybe next fathers day craft day you can have your son skip school and have a family day. The school put him in a weird situation without realizing it. Though you assume the project is for the child it is not that way. They make those things for their fathers to take home and give to them in all of its adorable handmade glory. I am sure discussions of this idea and so on happened and he just did not know what to do. Kudos to your roomate for being so polite about it instead of bringing up complicated confusing subjects to your son.

post #22 of 28

I think it's really weird that he wrote a note to the teachers.

post #23 of 28

It sounds over the top to me as well-like he is trying too hard. 

 

It's nice that he wanted to say thank you, but it made too big an issue of a small present to also write a thank you note to a teacher he doesn't know and has no involvement with. 

 

It would be equally strange to me if a grandparent or similar wrote a thank you note to the teacher for a simple craft they made in school, KWIM?

post #24 of 28

I don't understand why you keep saying the gift isn't really for the recipient, it's for the child. When my son comes home with gifts for us, it's for us...not the child. We keep it in our office or in our bedroom...we don't give it back to my son. Yes, the child learns about gift giving, holidays, etc. but then he takes pride in giving the gift away...not keeping it.

 

Perhaps in this case, YOU feel the gift wasn't really for your roommate, but your son feels that it was for your roommate and so does your roommate. 

 

I'm actually going to agree that it's a bit odd to write a thank you note to the teacher...I never write thank you notes to the teacher after the mountain of holiday gifts that come home from school. At the end of the year I will write a thank you card for everything they have done in general, but not after receiving each craft. There was no need for him to interject himself into the school/home correspondence, especially if you are not particularly close. He could have wrote a thank you card to your son instead.

 

I know this post is about the thank you note and that's it...but maybe there are some underlying issues with the friendship they have formed. Are you comfortable with their friendship and with your son giving him "dad" gifts? If so, great. If not, perhaps you can make a change to your living arrangements or invite another male friend or relative over to spend time with him. 

post #25 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmarroq View Post

I don't understand why you keep saying the gift isn't really for the recipient, it's for the child. When my son comes home with gifts for us, it's for us...not the child. We keep it in our office or in our bedroom...we don't give it back to my son. Yes, the child learns about gift giving, holidays, etc. but then he takes pride in giving the gift away...not keeping it.

I actually do get this part-the teacher is not helping the child make the gifts to directly benefit the parents-it is about the learning experience for the child, and about making the child feel excited about making a gift for a loved one.  The teacher is not just helping to make a gift for mom or dad or whomever out of the goodness of her heart, but instead is helping the child for the child's sake. 

 

So, while a parent might thank a teacher for working with his/her child to make projects are part of the schoolday because it benefits the child would make sense, a person uninvolved in the child's school life thanking the teacher for a gift that she didn't really particularly intend for him, but instead for the child to do with what he wanted, is a little odd. 

post #26 of 28
Maybe your roommate was so touched by the gesture that he couldnt contain his gratitude. I doubt he has received any gifts on Father's Day considering he's a single guy renting a room so it probably meant a lot to him. He probably didnt feel like saying thank you to your son was enough because it was more than likely the teacher who fascilitated who the boy gave the gift to--at least in his eyes. In reality, it was probably the little boy who decided to give him the gift, but the dude sounds socially awkward so he did an awkward thing. I find the gesture sweet but also odd. I would be more concerned about the boy seeing the roommate as a father figure--boundaries need to be clearer.
post #27 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by blessedwithboys View Post

I think it's really weird that he wrote a note to the teachers.

 

Yay! I feel better, someone else thinks its weird.... :-)

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenemami View Post

I actually do get this part-the teacher is not helping the child make the gifts to directly benefit the parents-it is about the learning experience for the child, and about making the child feel excited about making a gift for a loved one.  The teacher is not just helping to make a gift for mom or dad or whomever out of the goodness of her heart, but instead is helping the child for the child's sake. 

 

So, while a parent might thank a teacher for working with his/her child to make projects are part of the schoolday because it benefits the child would make sense, a person uninvolved in the child's school life thanking the teacher for a gift that she didn't really particularly intend for him, but instead for the child to do with what he wanted, is a little odd. 

Thankyou!

Of course the actual gifts are intended for the recipient but the whole 'child making gift' is for the child. I dont send my kid to  school so that he can manufacture gifts and artwork for me.(or anyone else) I send him there so he can do creative activities, and some of them in a cultural context that expand his soul and mind. Anyway, thats how i see it.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmarroq View Post

 

Perhaps in this case, YOU feel the gift wasn't really for your roommate, but your son feels that it was for your roommate and so does your roommate. 

 

If my son wants to give a  gift to someone, its his to give.  Thats not the point. But yes, admittedly it was awkward. I asked him, and he said he wanted to give it to the roommate, end of story.

 

 

I'm actually going to agree that it's a bit odd to write a thank you note to the teacher...I never write thank you notes to the teacher after the mountain of holiday gifts that come home from school. At the end of the year I will write a thank you card for everything they have done in general, but not after receiving each craft. There was no need for him to interject himself into the school/home correspondence, especially if you are not particularly close. He could have wrote a thank you card to your son instead.

 

I know this post is about the thank you note and that's it...but maybe there are some underlying issues with the friendship they have formed. Are you comfortable with their friendship and with your son giving him "dad" gifts? If so, great. If not, perhaps you can make a change to your living arrangements or invite another male friend or relative over to spend time with him. 

No, im not particularly comfortable, but whats a single mom to do? However, this is a  bigger subject.... 

 

I guess thats another thread i'd better start....im still procrastinating about how to deal with these issues as mykids are still young-maybe a big brother thing later on ? I dont know....

post #28 of 28
Did you ask him why he sent the note? I think it is a little odd and I would be upset if someone did something similar with my dd, but if he has a teacher in the family or has experience teaching it may have been a gesture meant to thank the teacher for the work that goes into projects like that and something he did without thinking.

I definitely don't think it was his place but I do think it is an awesome thing to do. Holiday projects are a pita, even simple ones, they have to be planned, materials are gathered, they are often messy, and there are always a few kids absent the day you for them so you have to make extra time for them to do the project. The one time a parent recognized that and thanked me I was surprised.
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