Sorry for not replying sooner - I didn't realize there had been other posts, because I didn't get the email notifying me of new messages until just over the last day, and then I came back and found out for the first time that all of you had posted! Thanks, Sas, springshowers, salr, katelove, nstewart, for sharing your advice and experiences!
Sus, I did see Adventures in Tandem Nursing mentioned online, but also had the same problem as nstewart finding a copy that isn't absurdly expensive, plus I'm abroad until the end of the summer, so it would be even harder to get here. I wish they would sell an eBook version - you would think it wouldn't really cost them much to release an eBook version on amazon or elsewhere for those of us who still want to read it even though it is out of print...
salr, thanks for sharing that thought about the hindmilk - I hadn't thought about it that way. I agree that as long as there is enough milk for the baby that it could be good fairness-wise to alternate some so that the older child doesn't always feel like their needs come last. I'm hoping that once we are there it will be easier to tell what to do. (I worry a bit about my DD going first because, while right now she really isn't drinking that much breastmilk as far as I can tell, she has always been a voracious milk drinker, and I can imagine that as soon as it starts really flowing again that she might start wanting to drink large quantities. I guess we will see once we are there.)
katelove, it's interesting to hear that the two typically didn't want to nurse at the same time. My memory of my daughter when she was an infant was that she practically always wanted to nurse. She had tongue tie problems, though, so she would nurse for 30-60 minutes at a stretch, and then want to nurse again after half an hour. Hopefully we will not have that same issue with the next baby, and they won't be such a marathon nurser. :)
nstewart, it sounds like good advice to let them nurse on the "empty" side, too. I've been wondering if there is a good way for DD to not nurse during the day or so when I am just producing colostrum, but I also don't want her to feel displaced by the new baby. She has never actually spent time completely alone with relatives, but we also haven't really thought yet about what we will do around the birth with her. I'm hoping that things will go as smoothly this time as it did last time and that we can go home the same day and things can go ahead and get back to normal right away, but that could change if something happens where I'd have to give birth in the hospital instead of the birth center and/or if there are any complications that require us to stay longer. I hadn't though of having her stay with someone else outside that case, but maybe it would be a good idea because it could give us some time to recover a bit before DD comes back - I'm adding this to my list of things to think about. :)
It's interesting to hear the different experiences about how it went for each of you, and to hear about the issue with aversion. I've definitely already had some problems with it being painful, but my daughter had an undiagnosed posterior tongue tie, and I'm not sure that getting it fixed at 3 months when we finally figured it out ever really fully corrected the problem (although it did improve it significantly) - maybe she also has a high palate or something else, so nursing has always been at least a little bit painful, but I haven't minded so far. She isn't really patient enough to nurse for long periods, and only very rarely has she wanted to nurse repeatedly, and in those cases it has worked out ok for me to tell her that she just couldn't nurse anymore at that moment because it hurt. But I am wondering about my milk supply. I was very lucky when DD was an infant, because even though we had three months of her not really getting enough milk because of the tongue tie, my supply never really suffered, and was actually really strong. I knew before I got pregnant again that my supply was already relatively low again (I think it used to be fine, but this spring I went out of town for 3-5 days twice for conferences for work, and I could tell that pumping on those trips just wasn't that successful, even though it used to be when she was younger, and I think my supply decreased a little bit each time after each one. But just this week, even though I'm not quite 6w yet, my daughter has begun telling me while nursing that my breast doesn't work anymore, and that it is broken. There is definitely still milk coming out, but all I can guess is that it is either less milk or a slower flow than she is used to, and I was surprised to see changes this early. She doesn't seem too upset about it, but it has me wondering how things are going to go over the next several months...
I've also been thinking a bit about managing tandem nursing also in the context of having two breasts with very different milk output. With DD, my left breast was always super full (I remember getting 8-9 ounces a few times out of that breast alone while pumping, and often got at least 6 ounces, when she was an infant), whereas my right breast was more normal (getting more like 3 oz when pumping back then). Because of this, I always had to start her on the right side, or she wouldn't nurse on that side at all, and probably around 6m ago she stopped nursing on that side altogether - occasionally she will try it again for about 3 seconds, and when a ton of milk doesn't suddenly come gushing out, she gives up on it (even though a little bit of milk still comes out on that side). So I'm thinking that maybe I can put the baby on the left side and DD on the right side? But then I don't want her jealous of the baby getting the "good" side... :) I'm sure I'll have to figure a lot of that out once the new kiddo is here, but I would also like to be able to prepare DD for what to expect as we get closer to the birth - I think she handles things better if we talk them over a lot ahead of time and help her to understand the reasons for what we are doing, and to have clear expectations about what will happen.
Anyway, thanks again for your responses everyone, and if anyone else has a different experience that they would like to share, I'd love to hear your perspective also!