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how old is too old to sleep with your parents.

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
My 8yr old son almost 9. Has been wanting to sleep with us everynight for over a week. I think he has things going on that he isn't ready to share with us and feels safe in our bed. My husband says he is just being a baby take him to his own bed. I try but he gets so upset i can't leave him there crying. So i give in and then have a huge fight with my husband. Dont Know What To Do
post #2 of 7

Can you stay with him until he is asleep, then move back to your own room? Or let him drift to sleep to some soft music? I am still putting my 6 and 9 yr old to sleep every night - as in until they fall asleep - before moving back to my own room. I was very prone to nightmares and night terrors as a child and that translated to insomnia as I got older. Sleep is simply terrifying.

 

DS1 goes through phases when he gets nightmares and needs the assurance of an adult. I am a very light sleeper and am generally at the bedside quickly. I can usually just pat him back to sleep within 5 min so it is not so very bad.

post #3 of 7

Your son is not too old to want company in (for him) hard times.  

 

Your husband's comments are not helpful, no matter what the viewpoint on this situation is.  Hopefully he is not saying such things in front of his son.  If he disagrees, he can just say, "I know you (he) can handle it.  You're big enough.  It will pass."   I'm sensing your husband is feeling powerless in this-- obviously you are doing what he doesn't want anyway.  

 

Your son *is* old enough to talk with about this with you.  Together you can find a workable solution.  Personally, I would ask whether he might want company at some point during the night as you are putting him to bed instead of waiting for that vulnerable moment.  If he says "yes" then decide that he can come get you to do X, and try not to wake up everybody.  Make sure he knows he doesn't have to cry in bed, that if he wants he can quietly tiptoe and come get you.  He *is* big enough to do that.

post #4 of 7
Be careful here mama... Your son is giving you an opportunity to prove yourself as being someone he can trust... Don't blow it by abandoning him in his bed and leaving him to cry alone. You instincts are spot on, go with them!
post #5 of 7
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the info i feel like i am doing right by my son . Allowing him to stay close until we figure out whats bothering him. My husband makes me feel like i am hurting his growth by not just telling him to suck it up and go to his own bed alone. Y'all made me feel better about my choices.
post #6 of 7

Plenty of adults don't like to sleep alone.  And it's not considered a problem with them.  I mean, I like sleeping next to my husband.  It's nice to just have him there, and I like snuggling.  I don't think that means I'm stunted, or a baby. 

 

What he will get better at is handling sleeping alone.  I don't cry if I'm alone.  But that just comes with maturity, and that develops naturally at each person's own pace.

 

I think the PPs have good ideas about how to handle the specifics of your situation.  I hope you find a solution that makes your kid feel safe and works for your family.

post #7 of 7
Haha, Sair, I think you've said the unspoken truth. In fact OPer's husband probably want some snuggle time with OP more than anything else. I have observed that husbands do miss having wives to themselves for a while - a bit of territorial disputes there.
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