Long story short and don't know how else to say this: my MIL loves my 16 month old daughter to death, takes good care of her about 2x/wk, is a great caregiver, a former RN who raised 4 kids and has a no-nonsense attitude about bodies, etc...but I REALLY HATE how she butts in to wash my daughter's vagina area!
Several times as I've been changing my DD's diaper at her house and she's hovering around to help, she makes it a point to either tell me to separate her labia and wipe inside or reach over and do it herself. This annoys the hell out of me. My DD is always clean, has never had a real diaper rash, no infections down there or anything - I don't understand MIL's obsession. (I'm exaggerating, it's not really an obsession - but it's definitely a "thing.")
At the beach recently she was helping me rinse my baby off in the cabana shower after playing in the sand and the water. She expressed concern about sand getting up in there and irritating DD. I rinsed her and gently wiped around the area, she'd be playing in sand again and she takes a sit-down bath every night, so it would definitely get cleaner that way anyway. But then she reached in and used her hands/fingers to clean inside DD's labia, more roughly than I would have.
I know there are no bad intentions at work here, MIL just has a certain way of doing things and feels very attached to and protective of my daughter. It really bothers me that she doesn't just defer to me before jumping in to do these things (which is sort of her MO in general albeit less so lately) and the beach incident especially just really, really rubbed me the wrong way (so to speak!).
I'm also a lot more private. In my family no one ever gave us baths except for my mom. So grandmas touching privates or otherwise doing mom tasks is alien to me.
Not sure how/if to bring this up with her. She's a great person but gets defensive - it's like she's so used to being The Mom that she can't understand how or why the grandma role is different.
Am I overreacting?