I want something really badly, and I think my emotion is overpowering my reason, and I'm not sure how bad that is- or if it could be wonderful.
We are renting a home right now, and have no intention to buy any time soon. I feel stuck in the area because my girls like their schools, but housing is overpriced and I don't love the place- basically we can't really afford it and don't want the commitment of owning a home here.
We moved to this house a year and a half ago after having a huge conflict with our landlords. Long story for another time, but they were a nightmare and we seriously considered taking them to court but decided to let it go to save ourselves the stress. Anyway, that put us house hunting at Christmas in a small area- very few choices. We settled here, and while it is a cute little place it is in a really crummy location. We are right at a busy 4way stop, and there's a line of cars outside our shallow front lawn at peak hours, and near constant road noise. Our yard is shallow, so we're close to the road. There's little privacy, and it is too noisy to open the windows and still have a conversation. The yard's not fenced, so I worry about DS playing in the back- I never leave him alone at 2yo, of course, but even as he gets older I won't be able to.
So there's the skinny on why I am dissatisfied with where we live. The road noise gets to me like I would never have believed. I just feel very unsettled and anxious when I'm in this house. Our lease has been up for over 6 months, and we've been actively looking for a new place the whole time. To my bewilderment, there seems to be an amazing increase in demand for homes here since the last time we looked- anything even somewhat nice gets scooped up immediately, prices are through the roof, and competition for rentals is fierce. We've been to a couple of scheduled viewings that turned out to be open houses. Every time there are upwards of twenty couples there, all filling out applications and fee checks. Some even boldly making offers to pay more to jump in front of the line. It is so disheartening. We've been passed over time and time again.
Meanwhile, DP and I have had this dream of someday living on a nearby island. It is a 20 min ferry ride from here, and a completely different place. Rural, peaceful, beautiful. People wave at you. You can hear the birds. I feel my blood pressure lower just thinking about it. Sigh. We haven't looked into moving there before because DP's job already entailed a longish commute, and the extra 20 min ferry ride would make it impractical. BUT a couple of weeks ago DP was offered a promotion and a transfer to a location very close to home, and to the ferry. We immediately thought of the island and took a look at rentals.
To our surprise, we found a couple of viable options going for waaaay under market value for the area we're currently in. This is a testament to how inflated prices here are, because the discrepancy is unusual. We fell in love with one of them and put down a deposit. We're set to move next month. It is absolutely perfect. Beautiful views, rural but with nearby neighbors, wraparound deck facing the sunrise over the water, everything our family needs. I feel myself there. I can picture staying home with DS and the new baby in this place and being at peace and in love with my life.
But there are two problems. First, we can barely afford it on DP's base salary. A quarter of what he earns is bonuses, and while we do expect them, they are not a sure thing. If he doesn't make a bonus (quarterly) we're gonna be hurting. Bad. It's not that the house is super expensive- it is more than we pay here but in the range we were comfortable with- its the house plus the additional cost of commuting by ferry. And I'm going to be out of work indefinitely after baby.
The second problem is my DDs' schools. They both really want to stay where they are, and after talking with the enrollment office at their district i learned that it shouldn't be a problem for DD1, but DD2 likely will not be allowed to stay in as an out of district student because her school is overcrowded and very desirable. There's an appeals process, but it doesn't look good. She has a couple of friends that use false in district addresses, and I've thought about exploring that option, but I'm wary of that for a number of reasons. I don't like the dishonesty, I feel like it sets a poor example for the girls, and I worry about penalties if we were caught.
DP feels confident that he will make his bonuses, and that things will work out for the girls. I want so much to believe him and just go with it. I want this move like I haven't wanted anything I can remember. It's such a powerful feeling, I know I will mourn to the point of depression if it doesn't work (hormonal much?). I'm just scared. I talked with my mom and her take in it is: you're not buying the house, so worst case you feel like you really can't afford it and when your lease is up, you move. It's a short term commitment, so if you want it that badly, go for it. I think she might just be telling me what I want to hear...
What I want to hear is that it will all work out and we should go for it. I want to believe that. But I'll listen to any thoughts. If you got through that whole book, bless you! Thanks for listening