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Weekly Chat June 28- July 7 - Page 4

post #61 of 88

So I'm gonna get a little TMI on y'all...

Also: Trigger warning for weight talk

 

During coitus time last night w/ husband I had an emotional breakdown. I've been feeling very fat and frumpy and disgusting and just gross lately. No matter what I do, wear make up, wear cute clothes, etc. etc. I still feel ugly. Crying during sex and not from a crygasm, is embarrassing and even though he's my partner and all that it was still awful. I hate looking in a mirror and seeing how big I am. I hate getting weighed at the dr & at WIC appts. I'm DREADING my WIC appt next week because they ALWAYS have to weigh because I've been "behind" for so long according to their charts and the lady always makes some BS comment about eating and all that jazz. I don't know...I'm on the pity pot I know and I should just get over it but this week it's been really hitting me and I feel gross and if I had the money I'd get a tummy tuck after having the baby. I eat right and I pretty much avoid bad foods. I do have some junk now & then but it's not a daily thing. 

post #62 of 88

serena, I'll be travelling at 34 weeks so I have been doing some research on this, too.  What a midwife explained to me is that if you are in good health and the pregnancy has been going along fine, the only real risk is going into labor.  She said if you are near going into labor, the pressure changes could push you over the edge.  As others have said, that's possible for you at 36 weeks, but not likely.  From my research with airlines, most of them just require a doctor's note that specifies your EDD, travel dates, and that you are safe to fly.  But it sounds like you already had that part figured out.  Just try to relax and take it easy and follow all of Serafina's advice about drinking lots of fluids, walking during the flight, and asking for a wheelchair at the airport.

post #63 of 88
Thread Starter 

This reminds me how much we need a rocking recliner chair....

post #64 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidenn View Post

tillymonster - I dealt with a 2 year old and a newborn last time.  This time I'll have all three (4, 2.5, and newborn) at home by myself after DH's two weeks.  IMO, sleep routines after the new one is born sort of work themselves out and there's not much "preparation" to it.  I mean, yeah, we made plans, but it was obvious when DD was born that wasn't going to work.  So just remain as flexible as you can and I am sure it will all fall together, piece by piece.  It may not be immediate, but you'll find what works for you as the days move on.

 

AFM, my current issue is whether to send older DD to preschool.  The hours would be M-F 8:45a to 12:15p.  We are planning on homeschooling her for grade school.  Pros are that it would be something "for her" to do when the new baby is here, she is very social and would probably enjoy the constant regular interactions of a preschool, the preschool she has a spot for is very play-focused.  Cons are that the school is 5 days a week and begins on my EDD, meaning a huge commitment of driving/getting up at certain times to ensure she makes it to school each day (right now we get up at 9 am, so a schedule change would be necessary).  Other pertinent information is that we do have a few preschool playgroups in this area (to address socialization), but we have not been as they wind down for the summer (so we've been told) because of school vacations and the humid/hot weather.  If we didn't put her in preschool, we would enroll her in an Orff-Schulwerk program for 4-5 year olds (like Kindermusik) at our local university's community school, which would be one day a week for 45 minutes (again to address socialization and give her something of "hers").  Thoughts?

 

Ahhh this made me feel SO much better! Thank you. I will try and not stress over it, it'll just work itself out. Whew. I just hope I can actually DO that. It's not my strong suit and I like to plan things. Babies don't work that way... lol. About preschool, yeah. We are having the same issue here. I wanted to have her in a co-op nursery school since the beginning of this year. And I'm not personally doing it for socialization-- I'm doing it because I think she'd like it! She's very shy and sweet, pretty mild mannered. I've seen kids push her around a bit, and want her to assert herself but don't want to force that. I don't believe she is any LESS social then any other kid, but she doesn't know what criss-cross-applesauce means! Or how to sit in a circle. Those things you'd learn in daycare or preschool. I don't know how much that matters overall though. I notice she's got great manners overall, something that most 3 year olds I've been around lack entirely. Which makes it really hard to take after watching a kid steal a toy out of her hand and seeing her little lip pout. But she's going to have to deal with that sometime!

 

What I've decided for now is to have her in a class or two that she really likes at our community center. They are very inexpensive. It's a short time, like 45 minutes and close by. I feel like I just wont be able to commit to the time needed to do a preschool routine, especially 5 days a week. That's a LOT Aidenn! Once the new babe hits 6 months or so, you can rethink it.  Classes are also practical right now, because financially we need to lay low and get back on our feet. Does she like dance? It's very much something for DD and she loves the teacher. They kick the parents out, it's a drop off class which is great because it gives me a little break to sit down and relax!

 

It's something that I was very afraid to do. Last time, at 2.5yo, I dropped her off at the gym play center. She cried horribly the whole time, I feel like it traumatized her a bit. So I was worried she'd get upset when I left. She didn't! She was fine. The teacher was very engaging and fun! I am very happy about it.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by greentomato View Post

Tillymonster -- I imagine you're disappointed that your DH isn't taking off six weeks, but I'm jealous that he's planning to take off three.  My husband was talking about how little vacation time he has after our recent vacation (2 weeks left) and had totally forgotten that he would probably need to take time off after the baby is born.  I think he'll probably take a complete week, but I'll be really lucky if he takes more.  I wish I could talk him into a couple of weeks of unpaid leave.  Where he works, the culture seems to be that men take off about a week, which really doesn't seem like enough to me.  On the other hand, the culture in the department where I work is that women take off 3 months, and then come back, which also doesn't really seem like enough. 

 

Lilmamita  -- putting the plan in writing sounds like a really good idea.  Then you will all have a document that you can refer back to. But it's too bad that the impetus is a disagreement about you all already agreed to.  Sigh.

 

UGH so sorry mama! Some guys are not as comfortable being involved as others, some think the baby stuff is just for women. In some ways, to me, it really is. But my DH is SO good with babies. He's just a natural, and if I didn't have that crazy mama instincts where I want to be with my baby 24-7, I'd totally see him being a SAHD. I almost wish I had the strength to go back to work, like in an office so he could do that. I think he really wants to and I promised him when the baby is older, like 1yo, I might just do that!!! Freelancing is great, but whoa, it's a lot of work. I miss the adult interaction etc. etc. but now I'm off topic. I hope DH is able to get 3 weeks, he might not and I'll just deal with it. It just makes me sad, because we planned this! We planned for him to take MORE time off this baby, as it's probably our last. It's just so unfair! I'm a big whiner, I know... 

post #65 of 88
Thanks guys I'm feeling a bit better. I miss my DB so much I need to take this trip, so it's worth it. I'm just gonna try and b careful. It's been an uneventfull pregnancy so far, so I'm hoping it stays that way! Lol
post #66 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Ana View Post

So I'm gonna get a little TMI on y'all...

Also: Trigger warning for weight talk

 

During coitus time last night w/ husband I had an emotional breakdown. I've been feeling very fat and frumpy and disgusting and just gross lately. No matter what I do, wear make up, wear cute clothes, etc. etc. I still feel ugly. Crying during sex and not from a crygasm, is embarrassing and even though he's my partner and all that it was still awful. I hate looking in a mirror and seeing how big I am. I hate getting weighed at the dr & at WIC appts. I'm DREADING my WIC appt next week because they ALWAYS have to weigh because I've been "behind" for so long according to their charts and the lady always makes some BS comment about eating and all that jazz. I don't know...I'm on the pity pot I know and I should just get over it but this week it's been really hitting me and I feel gross and if I had the money I'd get a tummy tuck after having the baby. I eat right and I pretty much avoid bad foods. I do have some junk now & then but it's not a daily thing. 


Oh Mama Ana, I'm so sorry you have been having a hard time.  I had a pity pot crying fest the other day, too.  It wasn't only weight related, but that was definitely mixed in there with it all.  As much as I'm big on talking about how I think my doctor's comments on having gained too much are ridiculous, it's because it does ultimately get to me. It is just really hard to see your body change so much and most of us who grew up in the US (and other places, too, I'm sure) are just loaded with SO MUCH baggage about weight from the time we are little.  Sh*&!, some women suffer from eating disorders while pregnant - even when all they want is a healthy baby and know how much damage they are doing, the culturally- and sometimes family-generated baggage is just too much and overpowers basic human instincts to take care of yourself when pregnant.  Body-hate messages are POWERFUL.  So I think you should take it easy on yourself.  No reason to compound your negative weight thinking with beating yourself up for having it.  A friend of mine once taught me a trick, that sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.  When you get into an inner monologue that is really negative and down on yourself (the test can be whether you would say those things to a friend or not), just tell yourself, "That's the monster talking," and try your best to ignore him and switch to more productive thinking.  Sending you lots of strength and light!!!  Feel better.

post #67 of 88

Just for anyone dealing with the ACA and breastpumps (the new law in the states):

 

The law says that insurance companies must provide a breast pump, but since it is an "unfunded mandate", insurance companies can provide whatever pump they see fit.  This could be nothing more than a hand pump, or a crazy off brand from Korea/China, or if you're lucky, a Medela PIS.  As an LC, I've seen all three of these options multiple times and it depends on the durable medical equipment (DME) provider covered by your insurance and what they stock at any given time (and it changes from week to week right now, if they have any in stock at all).

 

So yeah, ask for a pump, but don't take a good pump off of your registry if you are going to be pump-dependent for any reason (work, school, etc.)  Buy one, keep it unopened until you confirm the one you get from the DME is a good quality pump (call an LC if you're unsure....they should tell you for free), and then you can return the registry pump!

post #68 of 88

Rant: I'm soooo uncomfortable.  My feet and knees are killing me.  And adding the stuffy nose, scratchy throat and sinus and head pressure I have from this cold is not helping.

post #69 of 88
Oh man. Me too. I cried real tears today when my DH let DD come in and wake me from a nap. I JUST fell asleep. Uuuuugh. I went to the Chiro today and while I feel better overall for sure, I'm ALWAYS sore from it.

Lilmamita-- I was JUST there. Such horrid sinus pressure was unbelievable. It was a rough couple days to get better. Sleep as much as you can and get a vaporizer. Only thing that relieved the congestion. It uses menthol liquid tho I'm almost 100% sure it's ok for pregnancy. I caved on the 2nd day and took Tylenol. My tooth also started to abscess where I recently had an extraction before I got pregnant. Weird. My gums are a god damn mess.

We saw the baby today! Went and got a 3D ultrasound and per usual, she hung out under my placenta so we barely got a photo. I didn't care tho, it was mostly just to see her and get a disc recording of the US. It was really neat. wink1.gif
post #70 of 88

For our registry we basically have the following:

- Clothes. Because it's an online registry and we want to make it easier for our friends, so we're just pointing them towards gender neutral stuff.

- Baby carriers. A relatively wide selection (couple of SSC, couple of woven wraps)

- Cloth diapers and related stuff. A lot of this. Basically one of each type of diaper I found that is 100% natural fibers against baby's bum, a few cute covers and other diapering related stuff. This would be what we really need to, so that we can try out different types of diapers and figure out what we like before we build our own stash (for the first month or so we're going with a diapering service) - though to be honest, I doubt we'll get many of these, since they're not "cute".

- Couple of other small necessities:thermometer, nail cutter, swaddling blanket, etc

 

And that's it. The big ticket items we'll get pre-birth (car seat and bassinet / cradle / cosleeper) we'll get at the end of this month when my parents visit. Other big things, like a stroller, we don't even know if we'll need or want, so no point in adding them.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsandmrs View Post

Wow, I am shocked that so many new dads go back to work so quickly. My DW is planning on taking 12 weeks off - basically, every minute we're legally entitled to. Granted, we're having two babies at once, but our older kid is 17 and and needs little from us in terms of time/attention/parenting. Our babes are really lucky ones, I suppose. 

We're taking our maximum leave time too. 20 weeks for me (8 unpaid), and 12 for my husband (8 unpaid too) - DH is going to try to see if he can split his leave (1 month when baby is born, 2 when I go back to work), which would have to be an informal arrangement with his manager; if that doesn't work out, then he'll take vacation days to get at least 2 weeks when the baby is born, and then take his full leave when I go back.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by vc2013 View Post

 

other than that.. meeting with a doula agency tonight to find the right doula for us. will need to have the financial talk with DF soon (are y'all discussing what to put into place for your baby, savings account, trust, college fund, anything along these lines?)

Sort of. We have a decent chunk of money saved up right now that's on hold till after our paternity leaves, since we're taking unpaid time off. After that we need to figure out what our plan for savings going forward is - put it all towards our mortgage to try to eliminate debt, or start a savings account for the little tyke. Trust and college funds are out of the question for us, since we intend to move out of the US at some point in the next 10 years or so, and there's a good change we would lose all tax advantages related to those.

post #71 of 88

thank you SO MUCH tillymonster!! for your post on the previous page. i have now gone through all your recommendations plus the list i made that one time i went to babies'r'us. there were so many things i didn't even think of - nursing pillow for example! most things i STILL don't know which version of a product to get, but whatever - we'll do the research we can and that's gotta be good enough.

 

so we're definitely finally finishing up the registry this weekend, then sending out the shower invites today! yayy progress!

post #72 of 88
Thread Starter 

I finally finished recording the last of the five songs for my band's pre-demo, and I am feeling so relieved to get that project done.

I had such a wild weekend, my fiance's childhood friend and that friend's wife & kids came for the weekend, and we all went to the amusement park nearby yesterday.  My younger son got bored after two hours there.  I wonder if the expensive season passes for both of them were really good value, it's only the third time there.


Today was spent in the lake behind our house, it was so refreshing in such hot weather.

 

Anyway, two weeks until the next dr visit to check on my cervix, and I hope it will be still good so I can continue to enjoy the summer with my boys.

post #73 of 88

Mama Ana -- I feel for you.  I've had two or three pregnancy meltdowns about weight and body shape, although I'm finding it easier now that I really look pregnant.  I definitely feel like I've absorbed so much cultural baggage about weight/body shape, that it's hard to set aside for this year.

post #74 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by vc2013 View Post

thank you SO MUCH tillymonster!! for your post on the previous page. i have now gone through all your recommendations plus the list i made that one time i went to babies'r'us. there were so many things i didn't even think of - nursing pillow for example! most things i STILL don't know which version of a product to get, but whatever - we'll do the research we can and that's gotta be good enough.

so we're definitely finally finishing up the registry this weekend, then sending out the shower invites today! yayy progress!

Yay I'm glad to read this! I really love to share with new moms that you don't need ALL that much stuff! I'm sure it's a huge relief to hear that. We did the tradition registry with DD and it was just such a waste of money! I wish I was on Mothering then. Such a wealth of info on here. Half the things I ended up buying later were all gleaned from this forum and kellymom.com!
post #75 of 88
I convinced myself for a few minutes that I must have miscalculated the date of conception by a month and am actually 36 weeks, not a day short of 32. But then I remembered that they've been measuring my fundus and I'm right where I should be. I don't know, I looked in the mirror today after a shower - BIG mistake. I look HUGE. I started getting a few stretchmarks in my lower abdomen maybe a week ago, and today I noticed a few on my hip (just one side tho lol). This week I feel like a penguin or a turtle. Back hurt so bad last night trying to sleep. My feet are a little less swollen today at least...
post #76 of 88
Guess who has two thumbs and fainted at her dr appointment today??

*this girl, right here!!*

Talk about horribly embarrassing. Ugh. Everything is fine. It was just hot in the office. Then of course I had to stick around and drink juice and have some PB crackers. Good times. What really sucked was that DF had the kids and needed to get to a job interview so then it became a time crunch. He wasn't upset, just worried about me. I was totally flipping out that I wouldn't get back in time. I'm still waiting to hear from him, but fingers crossed it goes well!!
post #77 of 88

Yikes, thefreckledmama!!  Glad you are ok.  Get some rest and stay cool.  Crossing my fingers for your DF, too.

 

My cold is letting up a little, but I've got a lingering cough.  Having a cough - a deep chest-shaking one - while pregnant is AWFUL.  When I start coughing, my whole belly hurts.  The baby also seems way more active lately and part of me wonders if it is the cough getting on his nerves.  But it's nice to feel him move so much.  DP says he's just getting bored of being on the inside and is ready to break free. I'm a little worried he's starting to turn so he's head up, though.  At the ultrasound last week he was head down, but the doctor said he still had plenty of space and time to move around before birth.  And now I kinda feel like his little head has been slowly moving up, so he's almost transverse now.  I guess I just shouldn't worry about it and stay positive he's just doing one last full flip before exit time.

 

Things are coming together with our travel plans.  I wrote up my maternity plan and sent it to the Board of Directors at work.  It is stuff that had already been discussed and agreed to, so here is hoping that no one raises any objections at this point.  If they raise them later, I'll say "Screw you, it was in writing."

 

Coinciding with my cold, I've been really down on myself and kinda weepy lately.  Totally true but funny in hindsight: I burnt a veggie frittata I was making and got so upset I cried the whole time I ate it.  Just dropping something (did I mention I've been super clumsy lately) is enough to set off a good cry with wails of "I can't do anything right."  I know I'm being ridiculous.  I also just read this on a friend's FB status, which makes me wonder and feel a little hopeful: "Moon moved into Leo this morning - should raise spirits across the board. That Cancer New Moon was intense!"  DP is doing better at handling me when I'm in these states, though.  A good balance of acknowledging I'm upset but not paying too much mind to it.

post #78 of 88
Thread Starter 

I gave up on The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende.  I just really wanted to 'go back' to Edinburgh with my Alexander McCall Smith series, rather than think about telekinetic, clairvoyant Clara and her kids and grandkids in an unnamed Latin American country in early twentieth century.  The storytelling was just kind of abrupt and run-on-y.  Like, every paragraph revealed SO much information, without stopping to really 'take me there.'  I was expecting to like Allende's writing much more, as she's one of my mom's favorites and I admire her taste in books very much.

I *am* willing to break out of my comfy zone for another Karen Maitland novel, called Falcons of ...something about Ice.  Anyway it takes place during the Spanish Inquisition and will be highly suspenseful and a bit violent, but I thought her storytelling of the Black Plague story was so captivating in Company of Liars that I'm willing to read something darker if it unfolds in such a charming way, as if it's my best friend weaving the tale in just my language. 

 

So in case it isn't obvious I am not up to much besides reading.  This week the kids are at their dad's so my feet are up and I am avoiding cooking and housework like the Black Plague.

 

Oh yeah, my Didymos came and wasn't nearly such a pretty fabric in person so I sent it back.  I am asking to swap it for their Orient print, which hopefully will be more stunning and vibrant in person than the black/white silk one that I ordered.

post #79 of 88
Anyone else feeling way less movement the last few days? I'm 32 weeks on Friday and I know things tend to slow down around now, but don't remember it being so noticeable last time around.

And our wonderful news today - DH got offered the new job! I'm so excited I would do somersaults if I knew how and wasn't hugely pregnant! Gone are his days of this awful shift work, 365 days a year 24 hours a day, never knowing when he'll have to work or when we can plan to do anything! New job is Monday to Friday 9-5:30, stat holidays off, weekends off, a normal, regular, healthy schedule... I can't WAIT! Same pay, more vacation, and a lot more opportunity to advance. And he'll be home at night to help me put TWO little ones to bed!! WOOHOOOO!!!!!!
post #80 of 88
Congrats Living Sky! That is fantastic.
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