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Balancing Texting?

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

What rules/guidelines do you have about your kid's phone/computer use?

 

Lately I notice whenever I turn around my D14 is on her phone, either texting or playing some game on her phone. 

 

I don't want to be a text nazi, but I am very annoyed that she spends more time texting her friends than engaging in actual conversation. 

 

A couple of reason this concerns me.

 

She has an auditory processing disorder.  I'm concerned that texting is stunting her already poorly developed social skills.  One time I noticed the entire evening she was engaged in a text conversation with someone. When I asked her why doesn't she just call the person the phone, she said "because we wouldn't have anything to say".  And yet she had spent the good portion of the entire evening texting back and forth with this person.

 

Also, there are times when I'd like to talk to her about something, especially when we're in the car going somewhere.  Being in the car together is the one of the few times where we can actually spend quality time together.  I work full time, so after work there's homework, dinner, chores, errands, etc.  There is very little free time that I can devote time to just talking to my girls and I look forward to our time together in the car where we are "forced" to just talk to each other.

 

But now when we're the car, when I look over at her to tell her something, she's busy texting someone and I know I'm not going to get her attention due to her APD.

 

I'm looking for a balanced approach here.  I don't want to outlaw texting entirely, but yet I feel that my girl is spending waaaaaay too much time texting.  Sometimes I wish I could just causally say "hey, look, there's a falcon!" without looking over and seeing her engrosed in some text message and having to keep my thoughts to myself.

 

Any suggestions?  Should I say no texting in the car?  No texting at the dinning room table?

post #2 of 6

We found that texting peaked for our DD around her 14th birthday and steadily declined after that. At that age we had a media curfew of 10pm. There was no texting at the table or during family time. I didn't care about her texting in the car largely because we do a ton of driving... my big concern was the late night texting which we had to curb by physically taking away her phone in the evenings. 

 

By 15, we stopped having to regulate. At 16, she spends a lot more time WITH her friends (helps to be an age where there are lots of things to do with your friends and ways to get around independent of parents.) She skypes and even uses the phone. She texts very little these days. She Facebook messages sparingly because it usually results in conversations with people she's not in the mood to talk to. 

 

Absolutely place some ground rules but know your DD is not unusual and it will likely start to dwindle before too long (at least that is what we have found with the families we know.)  

post #3 of 6
We set some boundaries for awhile, but like whatsnextmom, the need for them went away.

Ours were similar, no me ring at the table or when we went out to eat, no texting after 10
(I kept her cell phone at night for awhile ) and no texting during designated 'family fun' which only happens once a week or every other week.

Other than that, I think it may work better to let them get it out of their system rather than have a power struggle.
post #4 of 6

My son was like that at 14, but now at 17 he goes whole days without even checking his phone (which is a different form of frustration in itself lol). I'm not sure how long it lasted, but it wasn't too long in the grand scheme of things. We maybe should have taken the phone away from him at night, but we didn't except for maybe 3 or 4 times when he would spend a night or two being up all night texting and the small amount of sleep was affecting everything else. Then we would take it away so he would actually sleep at night. 

post #5 of 6
Thread Starter 

LOL, I'm glad to hear it's a phase that they'll grow out of. 

 

I like the ground rule no texting at the dinner table or after 10pm.  Although for me I may say no texting after 8pm, since her bedtime is 9pm during the week and after 8 is spent getting ready for bed anyway.

 

Thanks for all the advice!  I appreciate it.

post #6 of 6
I don't limit my daughter's phone use at all. She is 16 and I agree that it seems to be a lot worse at around age 14. She spends more time physically being with her friends these days than texting them.
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