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When will you break the news??

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 

We waited until I got through my first trimester before telling anyone other than close family that I was pregnant with my first.  I am feeling a bit more anxious to tell people this time, but not sure that it is a good idea. 

 

When are you planning on telling people that you are expecting in February?

Your parents? Close Friends?  Boss?  Co-Workers?

 

Thanks, everyone!  belly.gif

post #2 of 22

Hi I am pregnant with baby #2 as well. I am due at the end of February. I have told my mom, dad, sister, and brother. Last time I called my close family around week 6 I think. I didn't announce to anyone else until I was like 20 weeks. I think most people wait until about 12 weeks. I am having trouble deciding who I want to tell and when this time. I assume I will start showing earlier (last time I didn't show at all until about week 19) this time, so I feel like I will have to tell more people earlier. Why is it so hard? I swear it is the most awkward thing for me to say "I'm pregnant" I don't like a lot of attention or questions so it is a tricky one for me.

post #3 of 22

FACEBOOK is REALLY complicating things for me.  My last baby is now 3, so I was at this point almost 4 years ago and Facebook has just become so much bigger in my world.  I use it for marketing of my business and blog like crazy.  I'm a wedding photographer.  I am really nervous someone will get wind of this and then publicly say something to me on Facebook and clients will find out before I'm ready to explain it them.  This pregnancy is actually very well timed and should NOT interfere with ANY of my upcoming weddings, but I don't want brides finding out the wrong way. My last wedding for this year will have me at less than 6 months and the first one after is at about 10 weeks.  They are a group of people I don't actually SEE and would PREFER to wait until 20 weeks... but like I said, I don't want them figuring it out through the grapevine and panicking!  

 

Plus, I am Facebook friends with my father, who I have a very tenuous relationship with, but him finding out Facebook isn't cool.  And then there are other family members who just really drive me up the wall and I'd rather they NEVER found out! Haha!

 

And then let's complicate this even further as I am carrying my 4th and... well... I'm sitting in maternity shorts right now.  Keeping this belly under wraps in the summer... not going to happen.

 

OH, and I'm IN a wedding 3 weeks after my due date as a brides maide.  I really don't know how to handle that!  It's my BIL getting married.  My husband is the best man.  Not sure how my soon to be sister-in-law is going to handle this.

 

There are people I'd prefer to tell sooner rather than later.  But really the way the world works these days it's just SO complicated.  I'm coming up on 7 weeks, I guess I should make some decisions SOON!

post #4 of 22
I'm only 6 weeks and have told everyone. I am not a very private person, and know that even should something happen I would not carry that secret alone either. I have never waited to tell, this is my fifth.

I find it interesting when people wait a long time- that takes a lot of willpower!

I appreciate everyone's well wishes and prayers for me at this early stage in the same way that I would need their support should something bad happen.
post #5 of 22

My first pregnancy we told both our families at 6 weeks with a big surprise cake and made a big deal out of it.  Then I told friends and other family, and posted on facebook that week too.  Then I had a miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks.  I had said the typically "if I miscarry, I'll want people to know so they can be supportive and I don't have to act weird".  Boy was I wrong.  It made it 10 times harder, and I could easily have selectively told people that needed to know, rather than having to untell people and get told "congratulations" out at the store or out to lunch with friends.  It was absolutely horrible.  This time, I'm not telling anyone except the people physically closest (in case I have obvious symptoms, which I really haven't).  I am almost 9 weeks, and praying to every deity that I get through a few more and can feel like I am out of the woods.  I think I'll tell people a) when I am "showing" which will be a while since I'm chubby or preferably not until I feel movement.

post #6 of 22

I am 8 1/2 weeks now and have basically told everyone. I would have liked to wait longer to tell at work but I have been such a wreck (sitting around and eating constantly) that I feel I need to give an accounting of why I'm behaving strangely. We had the first-trimester ultrasound on Wednesday and having seen a baby with a heartbeat I know the miscarriage rate is less than 1% and that feels okay for me to tell. But we already told our friends and family because I totally can't sit on news like that. We waited a little longer with our first daughter, but not much. 

post #7 of 22

We told our kids and our parents right away, followed by close friends and the rest of our family. (and really, if my kids know, they share the news about the pregnancy with pretty much anyone!)  I am pregnant with our fourth - and there isn't a lot of hiding it, even at this early stage!  I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks in January and we had also told our kids, family and friends right away about that pregnancy.  For me, it was a blessing that we had announced it early, even though things didn't work out.  Not only did I have a miscarriage and was dealing with the grief/loss of baby (and it took my body 2 1/2 weeks to naturally let go of baby after I found out that baby was no longer viable) , I had hemorrhaged significantly and the physical healing process was really slow and long.  I was so grateful that my dear sister mamas knew that I was pregnant and  were there for me when things didn't go as expected, supporting me with their wise words and gentle ears, bringing meals to our family, having our children over for playdates, etc.  I also do not regret telling my children right away, as they were able to grasp why mama was upset and had a better understanding of what was going on when the miscarriage began - and though it was a very difficult, sad situation, beautiful things came out of journeying through that loss together as a family.  When we found out we lost the baby, we set up an altar for the baby, with ultrasound pictures, candles, special pictures/items that the kids made to celebrate the little one that had come and gone.  We lit the candles every day until my miscarriage was complete.  We cried, we hugged, we sat silently, we talked about loss and grief, we celebrated all that we were grateful for...in the light of those candles and in the light of our loss.  So, for me, sharing the news early on is important.  I love sharing in the excitement of my pregnancy from the beginning.  With our last pregnancy experience, I found a lot of strength and support in my healing process, and if an unfortunate loss happened again, I know that I will be thankful to have the support.  And oh my, are we ever sending out positive energy and thoughts, hoping for the very best this time!! 

 

Though I share my pregnancies early on, I can understand why others wait until later in their pregnancies to share.  There are so many factors to take into account and in the end, I think that the best time to share is whenever it feels right to you - whether that be early on or later on!         

post #8 of 22

mama sarah, your story about sharing early is beautiful! 

 

I have told select coworkers because I travel for work and if anything happened to me, and I couldn't speak for myself, I need someone to tell medical personnel what's up.

 

I have told my a few adult family members but no children yet. However, I think the kids are on to me! They are all already saying stuff about me being pregnant Sheepish.gif

 

Facebook announcement will probably be around 20 weeks.
 

post #9 of 22

Yes mama Sarah, beautifully put.  It really gives me hope that some women are realizing the important of support after loss, and are doing a good job of it.

If I had gotten an ounce of support I would be ready to share early again too, unfortunately it was just me and my partner (doing all the same things, alter, reflection, meditation, burial, that made it still feel sacred), even though we reached out for help from family and friends in town.  People just avoided me, didn't mention it again, avoided our home, and left my partner to pick up all the household duties on his own, including packing to move across the country 3 weeks later, on top of caring for his bereaved partner.  Honestly, I've had a really hard try trying to forgive people for the ways they did/didn't act and have been using not telling them as a way to show them that they are no longer part of our inner circle because of it.  Sharing my story, and showing support to other loss mamas is really important to me, and I hope we can all collectively shift the way we support to something more healthy and beautiful :)  I'm going to have to work all through that and shed that victim mentality first though! 

post #10 of 22

I've told my best friends and my bio-mom (I was adopted), they all live in other states so there isn't a risk of everyone finding out through the grapevine.  I'm back in the area that I grew up in, and gossip spreads like wildfire here, so I'm holding off telling anyone in this state until I start showing. When I do, I'll make sure I tell everyone that wouldn't want to hear about it on facebeook within a few hours.  Hopefully I can put it off until August - 12 wks.  

 

My SIL and bro have been ttc for over a year, I'm hoping that she'll get pg before I show so that it's not hard on her. This wasn't really planned (but is very much welcomed!) and we're not even moving in with my bf and his son until aug.

 

His family will be thrilled, so that's exciting :) My family, eh.

post #11 of 22
We told my in-laws at 6 weeks because we were staying with them for a week and there was no way I could hide my morning sickness. Their reaction was a bit underwhelming compared to when we announced my first pregnancy...I think it's partially because they were feeling cautious because it was so early. My MIL had a miscarriage at 5 months with her second pregnancy, so while she's supportive, she's also aware that things can go wrong. Which is why I'm confident that should we experience a loss, I would have her complete support and understanding.

My mother, however gets so carried away and makes everything about her being a grandmother, and i have a difficult relationship with her, so we've been holding off telling her and my side of the family until we knew that the pregnancy was viable. Now that I've had my first prenatal appointment, we plan to give the news this Sunday at my brother's birthday dinner. We plan on giving my brother a card from our son that says "Dear Uncle A, My mama tells me you are the best big brother anyone can ask for. I hope you'll give me some tips, because I'm going to be a big brother, too!"

Our closest friends have already been told over the past few weeks, and I'll be announcing on Facebook after we tell my family. Last time, we waited til I was 12 weeks to make a public announcement because I was working and my coworkers were on FB.
post #12 of 22
Margo Nelson, I loved how you said...

"Sharing my story, and showing support to other loss mamas is really important to me, and I hope we can all collectively shift the way we support to something more healthy and

a beautiful perspective and vision to have...
post #13 of 22

Think of sharing with the kiddos, my parents, and in-laws on the 4th of July.  It'll be our 4th baby.  Sort of perfect in a way.  :)  I'm 7 weeks.  That'll be about it for a few more weeks.  Hoping to skate through the extended family party on Saturday without being noticed.  I need to wear my flowy dress.  LOL!  Because yes, my body has changed already.  

post #14 of 22

We did share yesterday on the 4th.  We shared our 4th on the 4th.  Just with grandparents, my BIL and his fiance.  And we told the kids before everyone arrived.  It went over so well.  I'm so pleased.  My kids are thrilled.  My 7 year old son is already watching out for me telling me to rest and such.  I love them.  :D 

post #15 of 22

A lot of people know, but they don't know that I know that they know (?!) my mum is Bolivian and there are no secrets in massive Bolivian families. I know she's told most people, but I don't mind, and actually I don't really like breaking the news because I'm not very good at being the centre of attention.
 

I think we're going to start telling people now, I"m 10 weeks today and there was a definite baby heartbeat found via doppler (which I've promised myself I would only use once at 10 weeks, and then not again), so feeling positive enough. I'm not really that good at sharing my feelings, and I wouldn't want people knowing if something sad happens, but that's just me.

 

post #16 of 22

I haven't told anyone! I am 8 1/2 weeks along and due in mid-February. Last time I made it to 6 weeks and then told immediate family. This time I just want it to be private. I had to tell my acupuncturist and the people at the insurance company, but no one else knows, not even my 3 year old! I will be with my family in a few weeks and am hoping I can keep it private until it is totally obvious by looking at me. I am not ready for everyone else's viewpoints and opinions yet...I guess I feel like once I tell everyone, it isn't just mine anymore, it becomes something to all of them...I DEFINITELY didn't feel this way last time around (though I did notice the energy changed when I told everyone...)
 

post #17 of 22

Since suffering a miscarriage a couple months ago at 6 weeks along, I should have probably been more cautious about NOT telling people this time around but for some reason couldn't keep my mouth shut! A lot of it for me is that DH and I are pretty social and regularly go to parties, dinners and happy hours out with friends and I have never been one to pass up a cocktail. So the second one of my girlfriends or even guyfriends notices me turning down wine they immediately ask if I'm prego and the cat is kind of out of the bag :) Before our u/s I told my mom and sister, my cousin and three friends. After our u/s at 6w3d we told DH's parents. 

 

Maybe I feel like the more people I tell the more real it is and the more chance I'll have of everything working out ok? Crazy, I know. 

post #18 of 22

I had a m/c before my first child and was so cautious about not telling til after 12 weeks with my first two.  With #3 I was less so.  And with this one, I posted on fb at 4weeks! LOL

post #19 of 22

We are getting married just after I hit 12 weeks, so we're waiting until after all the wedding craziness to tell our families - plus our first midwife appointment will be that week, so we'll get to hear the heartbeat before telling, too. I've had three m/cs previously, so we want to make sure this baby is here to stay before we announce.
Our pastor, my best friend, my sister (who's also pregnant) and a friend who "had a feeling" know. Nobody else!  It's been hard to keep it quiet, but we live in a small town where news travels fast, and we don't want our parents hearing it from someone else first.

 

We're giving our parents cute picture frames to "announce"- a Noah's Ark themed frame with a slot for a photo each month of the baby's first year. Then we'll let them take care of announcing to everyone else from there!

post #20 of 22

It's amazing how many people figured it out already.  But, then again... I've been rumored to be pregnant for a year!  Seriously!  Flips me out!  I love that my kiddos know now.  They are so happy and ask the best questions.  And they take care of me too.  I'm blessed!

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