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Dealing with the Post Partum Family Help Moms/MILs/What have you

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
My mom is here. She arrived on Monday after taking my dd to Walt Disney World and now she is here until July 31st. I am going nuts! This isn't a whining thread though, because I know she wants to help; unfortunately she is disrupting the family rhythm so much even my 5 year old dd is asking for her to leave. I think dh and I need to have a frank discussion with her about what she would like to do while she is here and what we need her, as a long term house guest, to help us with. Of course, I would hope that after the baby arrives she will be of more help but I am not sure. Here are some ideas and I would love to hear some suggestions from all of you considering your own situations.

1) Our family is in a very tight financial situation so having her here isn't as much of a help as a burden. Ways she could help:

-Asking before she does laundry since a full load is more efficient than the multiple small loads she is doing constantly.
-The same goes with the dishwasher; stop putting clean dishes in
-Stop lowering the temp on the thermostat. We can get her a fan if she is too hot; why cool the entire house?
-If she says she wants to make dinner, please actually do it since we don't have money to keep eating out.
-Please help out with the grocery costs when she can.

2) I am so stressed out trying to keep her and dd entertained! Ways she could help:

-Take dd to the park and read or crochet there while dd plays
-Be self entertaining; I made sure she brought along a lot of projects but she isn't doing them! Mostly she just watches me work. Ugh.
-Go to the pool, take dd even!
-Take a walk
-Try to keep to a consistent daily rhythm. My mom usually sleeps until 10 or 11 am then often naps in the afternoon and then is up until super late at night! This is SO hard on my dd because she shares a room with her.
-When we go places to entertain her it would be nice for her to be more independent. Like today we visited a cute little park in a great little town with lots of shops and I encouraged her beforehand to check them out while I watched dd play; nope she just stayed with me the whole time and then I felt bad for her because it was really awkward with my mommy friends.

3) I was planning on having a homebirth but for various reasons having a hospital birth might be the most viable option. It seems even more attractive now that my mom is here and she keeps inserting herself into my birth plans. Ways she could help:

-Realize that she has not been invited to be at the birth; she asked if she could come to help with dd
-Respect that dh and I need our privacy (see the independence thing above!)
-Don't tell people about our birth plans; they are private
-Don't make this birth about you and what you want to happen or how you feel about choices dh and I make

Obviously this will need to be done with tact and kindness but the stress I have been feeling is not going to help me get this baby here, especially since I feel my nest has been invaded.
post #2 of 2

oh. my. goodness. My heart goes out to you! 

 

Gotta say this reads like a letter directly to your mom -- can you discuss these items with her or give her a letter with similar text? Sounds like you've thought this out and all the solutions you offer are viable. 

 

I also wonder what strengths your mom has that you can build on. She's doing a lot to drag you down... I understand... but what is she really good at that she could do more of? 

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