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Queer, Pregnant, & Parenting- July, August, & September 2013! - Page 9

post #161 of 222

Hi all,


With Lizbian's encouragement, I'm cautiously re-entering the Queer and Pregnant thread (I'm also queer and parenting; I have a 2.5 year old kid). I'm about 4 weeks pregnant, but got my first BFP at only about 9dpo, so I've known for about two long weeks. This is my THIRD one-hit-wonder (first IUI try, the others were ICI at home): I've gotten pregnant on the first try every time we've tried (!). I had a difficult loss in my first pregnancy, where we learned at 10 weeks that the fetus had a severe neural tube defect, and we chose to terminate at 13 weeks. Even though I've since had a successful pregnancy and an amazing thriving kid, that loss left me pretty cautious about first-trimester enthusiasm. I know there's always something to worry about, but I'm especially jinxy in these first weeks! So bear with me as I take it slow.


Anyway, here's my intro responses:


Name/Username? Beastie (some of you may know my real name from the MDC facebook group, but I don't use it here).

Who is in your family? Me, DP, DD, two dogs, and some fish. Also, not in our family but nevertheless relevant, we are in touch with 10 donor-sibling families, with about 15 kids all together that we know of.

What pronouns do you and your family members use? I use feminine pronouns (she/her), DP is trans and uses masculine pronouns (he/him), DD (Esther) uses feminine for now.

If you're pregnant, when are you due? Assuming a sticky, healthy, pregnancy, my due date will be around April 30. But E was born a week before her due date, and she was pretty fully cooked.

If you already have kids, tell us two interesting things about each of them. E is 2.5. She's super verbal and hilarious. Her favorite color is purple.

If you work outside the home (or inside the home at something other than parenting), what do you do? I'm an English professor; I love my job, but I'm sure you'll hear me complain about the sexism and microagression toward women in general and female parents in particular, especially in my position on the tenure clock.

What are your favorite things to do when you're not working/doing the grunt work of parenting?  Reading, gossiping, hanging out with my family, watching more bad television than I'd like to admit to...

post #162 of 222

yay Beastie!


I just realised I hadn't introduced myself for those who don't know me so here goes:



Name/Username? Liz

Who is in your family? Me, DW, three dogs & a cat

What pronouns do you and your family members use? We both use feminine pronouns (she/her),

If you're pregnant, when are you due? Hoping all goes well 23rd April but if we have twins, EDD is April fool's day.

If you already have kids, tell us two interesting things about each of them. only the dogs!

If you work outside the home (or inside the home at something other than parenting), what do you do? I'm a photographer (pets, corporate, landscape), author as well as teaching subject in a finance qualification (investments, portfolio management, law etc).

What are your favorite things to do when you're not working/doing the grunt work of parenting?  I don't have a lot of time outside of work with all my jobs but I pretty much spend most of my time getting my next book ready for publishing (first one was out 2nd August, second one due December 2013).  Also sport.

post #163 of 222
Homecoming is setup for TUESDAY!!!! They both have the feeding tube out of their nose and can eat whenever they feel hungry. Benjamin would have been able to come home tomorrow but he had a heart rate drop "episode." He must have just wanted to give his brother a chance to catch up with him because Levi was a day behind on the feeding progress.
post #164 of 222
Yay, esenbee! Go babies go!
post #165 of 222

Such great news, esenbee! Congrats! I love the brotherly commitment, too, LOL...


Welcome.gifbeastie! I can't figure out who you are on the FB group... Did you change your username? Or are you not listed on the name/username file we have over there?


Hey all you recent arrivals, and anyone else who hasn't yet, it'd be cool if you shared how you got your BFP! Soto started a thread on this a while ago, and it's a great resource for those trying to get knocked up:



How's the OHSS, Liz? Is there anything you can do to reduce it? Looking forward to that u/s... 3 weeks will just fly by!

post #166 of 222

thanks Granite - after 4 weeks it's finally going down slightly. All I can do is drink lots of water & apparently gatorade helps as well. The downside is that it makes you need to pee a lot!  Yesterday was the first day I didn't look like a balloon & today is a bit better still so hoping it's moving in the right direction. I'm worrying a bit about things (as I tend to do) so looking forward to the ultrasound to re-assure me. Also hoping the OHSS is fixed before I fly to Oz on 14th September otherwise there is significantly higher risk of DVT which is something I definitely don't want!


I'll update the thread that Soto started with my story.

post #167 of 222

Yay Essenbee! Happy homecoming day to your kiddos, and hooray for surviving this rough start!


Granite, thanks for the welcome. I haven't changed my name, and I should be on the username list on FB; I'm a pretty quiet member over there, usually. I can PM you my real name, if you'd like! And I will for sure add my stories to Soto's list.


Liz, glad you're feeling a little better. I hope the OHSS is all resolved before your trip, and replaced with a growing bump!

post #168 of 222
THEY'RE HOME!!! They seem to be so much happier than in the NICU. They are behaving like newborns now that we're home. When they were in the NICU, they're patterns were more erratic.

I am just in pure new baby bliss smile.gif

post #169 of 222
post #170 of 222

esenbee- that's fantastic news, well done you!!!! (and babies)

post #171 of 222
Esenbee--congrats! They are so cute together in that bassinet--and so tiny! Enjoy your long-awaited babymoon!
post #172 of 222
Thread Starter 

Esenbee- your boys are so adorable snuggled up together in the bassinet! Congrats on having them home!! Also, I love their names <3


Liz- I didn't know you were an author. That's rad! Where can we find your book?


Beastie- you have my dream vocation! I've been dreaming of becoming a professor (albeit of Women's Studies, not English) since I returned to school in 2007. Do you expect tenure soon? I've always wondered how that process works. 


Hi to everyone else! I got my gestational diabetes test results back today and all is clear- woohoo! Also my iron looks to be in the normal range, which is reassuring as well. HypnoBirthing is going really well! Last night's class was all about practical tools for partners to use while their wives/significant others are in labor. This is my favorite part so far. To think that I could just be allowed to completely relax and go into a zone within myself sounds so lovely. The opposite- having to be alert and in charge of what's going on gives me bad anxiety. Thankfully DW is completely on board. I think she's going to be the best birth partner ever. Already she's way more involved than the men in the class (we are the only same-sex couple). Additionally, the relaxation scripts that DW reads to me at night when she's out of town for work have done wonders for my anxiety levels. I don't fall asleep while she's reading, but within ten minutes of her finishing reading to me I can fall asleep and sleep through the night. I guess it doesn't hurt that she has a really sexy phone voice. lol :)

post #173 of 222

beastie - me too. It's almost 4 weeks now and still hanging around!


soto - just recently published. Here's the link if anyone's interested! It's a lesbian historical fiction book




great news about the test & sweet that DW is so on board. I'm interested to see how things go over here when we go to classes since there are very few lesbians in Guernsey & only one couple that I know of that's ever done what we're doing!!! Hopefully it'll be OK as most people seem to deal with it after their initial surprise.

post #174 of 222
Esenbee, those are some seriously cute kiddos! So happy for you to have them home.

I'm so grateful for the 3-day weekend, fatigue is really catching up with me these days. After two weeks of very pronounced movement, I wound up a the birthing center late yesterday afternoon for a non-stress test because baby had barely moved all day. Everything was fine, and the nurses were really wonderful and glad that I had called just in case. Preparations continue for our little guy's arrival. I'm getting a little nervous about whether I'll have all of my work projects wrapped up before my leave starts, but it is a good lesson in relinquishing control! Really looking forward to a 4-week prenatal yoga class that starts next weeek at my favorite studio.

Hope everyone else is doing well!
post #175 of 222
Thread Starter 
Hi Sphinxy! Glad to see you post. Isn't it funny how those lessons on relinquishing control keep popping up in pregnancy?! Hope you have fun at your upcoming prenatal yoga class!

Thanks for sharing that link to your book, Lizbian! It looks really interesting. I like to think about what the experiences of queer people might have been in former generations. Some might say it's troubling to "queer" historical figures, but I find it comforting to remember that there have always been people like us even if they weren't exactly like us. I'm thinking Ruth and Esther from the Bible, President Lincoln, etc. Using fiction to imagine those experiences makes it even more accessible, IMO.
post #176 of 222

Sphinxy not long for you to go now! I'd be interested to hear how the yoga is. I know pilates is big over here, particularly just after birth but yoga would also be beneficial, I'd have thought.


Thanks Soto. As you say, there have always been LGBT people throughout history, just often a little more closeted than we are now. It is VERY difficult, however to get much evidence of it because it was such a taboo subject, and not one discussed, much less written about! I've had good feedback so far, just need to get it out there a bit more as writing is something I love to do. My next project is writing a novel based in Guernsey (where I live) during the German Occupation in World War II. More mainstream, but still with a lesbian character!


I have an update ulstrasound next Tuesday so fingers crossed we get some good news then, and find out whether we're having one or two!

post #177 of 222
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone! I just got an email from Maia Midwifery (the practice founded by Stephanie Brill, author of The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth) saying that they are now offering fertility webinars. They are focused mostly on queer fertility services, which I thought y'all might like to know about. You can find more info here: http://maiamidwifery.com/webinars/

post #178 of 222

I hope everyone is doing well with the newborns and all of you pregnant folk are feeling good!  I just hit 18 weeks and am still feeling great.  I have a small, but spreading, bump that I mostly only feel when I'm laying on my back.  I already had some padding to begin with and I have a long torso, so I'm starting to think I won't ever look pregnant.  Oh well!  I started feeling the baby move about 1-2 weeks ago and it is really cool.  Some days there is little action, but other days, like today, it seems to be doing gymnastics all day.  I can't believe I'm so close to the halfway point and we'll have the anatomy scan later this month.  Life is moving quickly.  DS started kindergarten last week, and it turns out one of his classmates is going to become a big brother to triplets!  I talked to the other mom and based on our EDDs (I'm early Feb, she's late March), we are wondering if the babies will arrive around the same time.  Exciting stuff.  In even more exciting news, DP and I are getting hitched (civil unioned?) in November!  I would love to see NJ get marriage before then, but I'm not holding my breath.  I am just glad we have something we can do legally.  My DS was born when my ex and I lived in VA, which was scary.  I had no rights for the first year of his life, so I am happy DP won't have to go through that.  I'm also excited that I found a cute purple dress that has some belly room.  I'm crossing my fingers it still looks good in two months!

Congrats to the newly pregnant!  Keep on growing those babies! :)

post #179 of 222

Hello Everyone. I apologize for dropping off the grid for a while but unfortunately it’s been some very hard times in my home.


At our 7 week ultrasound appointment things went south. This was supposed to be the appointment where we “graduated” to our OB and were send on our way. Unfortunately the baby had stopped growing, the heart rate had slowed down and there appeared to be fluid that wasn’t there the week before. Needless to say we were heartbroken, devastated, angry, scared, you name it. We have had a few follow-up appointments since then and have continued to watch as the heart rate continued to slow down. We decided to try and let things happen naturally so I stopped my progesterone supplements and took it day by day.


Just this past weekend I started to get the first physical signs of my miscarriage. We will be going in again this Friday for another round of blood work and an ultrasound to see where things are.


I wish everyone the best of luck and I hope to join this group again soon. Thank you for the warm welcome and support during my short stay.



post #180 of 222
Amy, I'm so sorry! I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. Miscarriage is so tough for any woman, but it seems so much more difficult to comprehend when you had to go through fertility treatments to get pregnant in the first place. Please take care of yourself and try to be good to each other. I'm sure others will chime in with their experiences and advice if you would like it.
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