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Queer, Pregnant, & Parenting- July, August, & September 2013! - Page 10

post #181 of 222

I'm so sorry, Amy!  That sounds so difficult.  Take good care of each other.  I had an earlier loss and we kept going and have a beautiful baby boy now so things can get much better.  :Hug

post #182 of 222

I'm so sorry, Jam... Hugs to you and your DP. :candle

post #183 of 222
Take good care of each other, Jam. Big hugs.
post #184 of 222
I'm so sorry, Amy. Miscarriage is so hard. hug.gif
post #185 of 222

jam I am really, really to sorry to hear your news. I hope that because you were able to get pregnant so easily when you're ready to try again it will be just as quick.

 

AFM ultrasound today. Good news -ONE LITTLE HEARTBEAT!!!! There was a second mass next to the first so think it's the second blast that stopped developing. He's very cautious so having to have another ultrasound in 2 weeks as he thought it was a little big but I think he was doing his maths wrong as to how pregnant I was. The bad news though is that he strongly advises against me flying to Oz this week because of my ovary problem. I'm at high risk of DVT and even though he's given me blood thinner to take I'm seriously considering whether it's worth risking my health to go. Otherwise we'd try to do a trip in Europe somewhere. The problem is I don't know if he's being too conservative or I need to heed his warning! Anyone with any mediical knowledge have any suggestion? xx

post #186 of 222

So, so sorry Jam. :(

post #187 of 222

Wow, it's quiet here... But hey, Liz! Congrats on the (one!) heartbeat! Excellent news! We've still got the pic from that first (7 week) u/s up on our fridge, even though it doesn't look like anything recognizable, just cuz it was so amazing to see the little blob and hear the heart. I'm guessing you're in continental Europe somewhere right now, instead of Oz? I don't know anything about flying while pregnant, except that it's too late for me to take a quick jaunt to Toronto like I wanted to last week... I do recall, however, that carmen flew from the west coast of Canada over to Japan midway through her recent pregnancy, so you could try asking her! She's active in the Queer Parents thread.

 

I'm 33 weeks, and feeling... Good. Mostly. I can't get over how slow I am these days! It just takes me what feels like ages to get through my daily goals... Which I'm sure is great practice, overall, in patience and adaptability, LOL. I understand now why those of you who were due before me, or who'd done this before, were recommending doing so much baby prep in the second trimester, even though it felt so early! Because while I still can do all that cleaning/organizing/purging/cooking/sewing/etc, it takes me longer now than it did earlier on.

 

Hypnobabies is going well, though my favourite part is the non-hypnosis Joyful Pregnancy affirmations audio track: I put it on and repeat everything it says, over and over, in funny voices, while I do stuff around the house. My dog thinks I'm nuts. The course text is fine, but the expectations for my Birth Partner, ie. DP, are hilariously extensive. We've decided that she simply *must* develop telepathy, asap, in order to fulfill her duties. :eyesroll Still, I'm hoping it'll be useful.

 

How are you all? What's going on in life, and in pregnancy?

post #188 of 222

granite, i can NOT believe you are 33 weeks. WHERE DOES THE TIME GO??? did you heed any of our warnings about second trimester prep? the other thing about the 3rd trimester is that you never know if you will be one of those people who just goes early. i was planning on going to 38 weeks (twins) and they decided to come at (almost) 37. i can tell you about our bathroom remodel that didn't get finished before they were born and the birth plan i took to the hospital in "draft" form. 

 

jam, im so sorry for your loss. i have faith you will be back over here soon. take care of yourselves. 

 

SPHINXY! How are you doing?

 

we are trucking along. our twins are 1 month old. they are amazing, gaining weight and getting fat cheeks and changing all the time. somehow, against every odd and every fiber of good sense in my body, we are surviving. breastfeeding twins is a tremendous undertaking. i have no idea how i will do this for a YEAR or longer, but i just put one foot in front of the other. breastfeeding is easier than pregnancy in one regard - i drink a beer or a glass of wine a few times a week, which i don't feel weird about during breastfeeding, but i did feel weird about while pregnant. i can't tell you how much this has improved my life and tolerance/ability for providing for two people beyond my own self. maybe it's tacky to talk about this on the internet or whatever, but oh man, i love you, beer. even when two pterodacyls are screaming about my boobs every 2 hours of the day. i am also trying to pump as much as i can, both to keep up supply for twins and build up a freezer stash. it is time consuming. i hope when they get older, i can organize regular life activities around feeding schedules a little more easily.

post #189 of 222
Thank you for asking, MRS&MRS! So good to hear from you - I really woke up this morning looking for someone to commiserate with. I have tried to heed your warnings but you know some of it just doesn't sink in until you're IN IT. And holy cow - 36 weeks is when this train officially derailed. I mean, it was ramping up for sure when my sleep started getting shitty again around 34 weeks, and I was finding that I could usually get good enough sleep every other night because I would be so exhausted after getting bad sleep one night that I would sleep the next, but never back to back. But then at 36 weeks... The bowel movements. It's way TMI to go into details, but SERIOUSLY. I hit 36 weeks and sh*t got WEIRD. I'm so uncomfortable. And the hormones! I've had two full blown crying spell temper tantrums over the last five days. My maternity clothes are getting so snug that one of my coworkers (who had a baby herself two years ago) asked if I had gone past my due date yet! Ha, I wish! I feel guilty sometimes wishing that he would come early, because I know it's healthier for them to stay in at least until 37 weeks, but I am SO DONE. Lots of people keep telling me and DW to enjoy these last few days together, or telling me to enjoy those last kicks (which makes me BAWL), but it's really hard to get all sentimental about this end of pregnancy stage when I'm exhausted and weepy and my insides sound like a volcano that's about to erupt! So yes, I am with you on the "one foot in front of the other" philosophy, that has been my mantra lately, too! Thank goodness I got so much of the baby prep done already. The last big thing is to trade in DW's tiny sedan for something more family friendly, we already picked out the new car just have to actually pick it up on Wed night, right before we go to a baby shower being thrown for us by my coworkers. So everything should be "ready" when I hit 37 weeks on Thurs! I'm not as confident that my projects at work are in good enough shape for me to go on leave yet, but I've really had to learn to let that go. I will do what I can, and what will be will be.
Your ode to beer made me laugh! I am very much looking forward to the occasional red wine. I have been abstaining completely during pregnancy as well, but once this kiddo comes out and my digestive tract returns from the witness protection program, I'm going to let myself indulge in half a glass a few times a week. Congrats on getting to one month!!

Granite! Sorry if that rant scared you. Glad you are still feeling mostly good, just keep on chugging along!

Edited to Add: Lizbian, the prenatal yoga is awesome. One of the few things helping me stay sane lately. Lots of good suggestions for finding comfort in the body, plus "birth prep". I had been going to a regular gentle yoga class weekly before the prenatal series started, but the constant modifications were getting to be too much for me. I CANNOT imagine doing Pilates during pregnancy. I tried that a couple times before I was pregnant and it puts so much strain on the abdomen. Maybe it would be OK for someone who was really experienced with it and knew how to modify, but no way would I be doing Pilates now.
Edited by Sphinxy - 9/15/13 at 4:59am
post #190 of 222

sphinxy, 36 weeks? you are in the home stretch. keep your eye on the prize! all of your discomfort and inconveniences are temporary. you will soon have a whole new host of discomforts and inconveniences that you cannot (and should not try to) imagine at this point. it's so exciting! you're going to have a baby so soon! or maybe not so soon but hey, no one stays pregnant forever! 

post #191 of 222
sphiny I will second that; pushing yourself to get those projects done... I was planning to have them at 38 weeks, but they came on their own at 34... I didn't get my two work projects done because I kept putting it off and looking up various baby stuff instead of doing my work. Also, our living room remodel to add in a nursery, did NOT get completed before they arrived. It JUST now got done, TODAY. I had to leave it all up to my (very slow) dad while I was going to the hospital everyday and then while I was taking care of them at home. Wish I had gotten things done sooner!

mrs^2 -I am with ya on the breastfeeding thing. I have two seagulls screaming at my boobs every 3 hours. And they would seriously be on the breast for 24 hours straight if I let them. If they fall asleep latched on, they will pacify themselves every so often in their sleep. If I take them off when it seems like they have stopped their nutritive sucking, they wake up and are MAD that they aren't latched on anymore.. Also, it is SO hard to get them both happy together. I get one nice and asleep, lay him down, go to get the other one nice and asleep, and before i finish with the second one, the first one wakes up and is not happy.. Last night, I went back and forth for 3 hours. I eventually gave up on sleeping in my bedroom with DSp, hoping they might sleep a longer stretch at night, and just pulled them both in bed with me in their nursery. I now have a very bad ache/pulling in my neck amd shoulder from sleeping in an awkward position frozen in one place to not roll on them during the night. A twin bed is NOT a good bed to cosleep with twins, despite the name....
post #192 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by esenbee2 View Post

A twin bed is NOT a good bed to cosleep with twins, despite the name....

LOL, esenbee! Too funny... But oh, am sending you so many many hugs... I'm sorry it's so hard. We too have a "nursery" that has a bed, where I expect to sleep with baby most of the time... Though luckily this one's a queen, not a twin. It takes up almost the whole room, but I'm getting the impression that more bed space is better than less. How are things for your DD and DSp?

 

No, mrsandmrs, I did *not* heed your advice re: getting stuff done in the 2nd tri... I was so busy going to school, and figured I'd wait until I had time off after my course was done. :eyesroll  I'm sorry that bathroom remodel didn't get finished! When I first found out I was pregnant, I had a long hormonal crying session over how DP & I couldn't be parents because we still don't have baseboards from when our apartment was renovated 3 years ago... And so DP spent this past weekend cutting and installing baseboards, which made me so stupidly happy. I'm sure my punk rawk reputation has taken a huge beating, but I don't care.

 

And all you lovely folks aren't the only ones warning me: Of my three closest recently-pregnant friends, one gave birth at 35 weeks and the other at 36! Aiiiie!

 

Sphinxy, no worries, your rant didn't scare me... It's nice to know where I'm headed! I actually felt hormonally/physically worse in the second tri than I do now, it's just the slowness and tiredness that are really getting to me. One foot, then the next, good mantra...

 

I told DP that I'm drinking beer whenever I want after the baby's out. She's been paranoid about me having any alcohol while preggo, so I figure I ought to prep her now...

post #193 of 222
Thank you so much for the support, everyone! "No one stays pregnant forever" - can't tell you how many times I've repeated that to myself since reading your post mrs&mrs, thanks!

It's about 3am here on the east coast, and I maybe got almost 5 hours of sleep. Hopefully I'll get a little more before I'm up for good. Big day, big milestone. It's our last day of potential prematurity. It's also going to be a loooong day - back-to-back meetings at work starting at 8am (bleh), followed by picking up DW's new car, followed by baby shower from my coworkers. All good stuff just tiring, and I know I won't be able to prop up my poor swollen feet for most of it. I hope I can just keep breathing and enjoy it.

Have a great day everyone!

Eta- granite, just know that when I read your thing about crying over baseboards, my first reaction was , "oh, yeah, totally makes sense." The things I have cried over... Most notably was probably the large curtain rod in our living room that took DW about an hour to hang and when it was done it was... Not right. And convincing her that it needed to be redone in order to frame the windows properly was not easy, but suddenly SO IMPORTANT.
post #194 of 222

good morning, all.  thank you for the welcome a while back.  i was extremely worried during my first trimester, and it helped staying away from online pregnancy stuff.  now that i'm nearly 18 weeks, i'm much more calm, and i'm starting to read along again.  i'm going to try picking up here, and being a part of this group.  i'm sort of wondering whether a lot of interaction is happening on the facebook page instead, though, because this space seems a lot different than it had before.  i don't do facebook, so i'm not looking to join that space--i'm just trying to figure out the dynamic here.

 

mrsandmrs--your comment about drinking some beer or wine while breastfeeding made me so happy.  my dp and i were out for japanese last night, at a place where i always order wine, and it was sad sitting on my side with a carafe of water rather than wine.  for the first 15 weeks or so, wine and coffee smelled completely rancid to me...but now it smells and tastes so good (i had a sip)!  and, breastfeeding twins for an extended period does sound like a tremendous undertaking.  

 

granite--i laughed and laughed about your punk rawk rep.  i bet it recovers just fine.  what other preparatory things are you doing now that you wish you had done earlier (or would have been faster earlier, i guess)?  my dp and i are purposefully waiting until early january to do the bit of baby adjustment we have planned, but mostly for monetary reasons.  it's not really all that much anyway...just taking apart our brick and plank shelves, and bracketing them to another wall, and finding/buying/building an extra book/storage shelf.  our biggest issue, that we're trying to solve without doing anything expensive or bougie, is blocking off the railing around our upstairs loft (where our bed is).  the loft opens onto the downstairs living area, and the railing all the way around is made from poles and wire.  

 

sphinxy--good luck waiting for your baby to be born.  what kind of birth are you hoping for?

 

my dp and i are surprisingly leaning toward having a 20ish week ultrasound and finding out the babe's sex.  we never thought we'd do either of these things, but we are both really excited to see the fetus' profile, and watch him/her move around.  for a long time, we planned to choose one name for the baby regardless of sex--the name has changed over time, but one, androgynous name was always a requirement for naming.  we had one toward the beginning of the pregnancy, but as time passed, i was liking it less and less.  then we came up with a name that we would love to use for a bio boy child, but wouldn't choose for a girl.  so, at this point, we have expanded our rule to consider all names, regardless of whether we deem them androgynous enough.  additionally, my politics keep me from referring to the fetus as anything other than "the fetus" (never baby), and i'm starting to feel like saying fetus all the time is hindering bonding on some level.  which, leads us to the ultrasound, finding out the probable sex, and starting to call the fetus by a name.

 

for those of you who didn't find out the sex, what do you call your fetus?  have you had a similar bonding issue?  do you have a guess about the sex?  what are your reasons for not finding out?

 

hello to everyone i missed.  it is starting to feel particularly fall-y in the pacific northwest, and i hope the same is true for you all.

post #195 of 222
Hi breadandcoffee! I'm not active on the Facebook group so I can't comment on how busy they are over there, but I can say that this group tends to ebb and flow, sometimes really active and sometimes not as much.

I think I can relate a bit to your politics and name debate. I didn't have specific feelings about the word fetus I guess but it was really hard for me to bond before we reached the point of true viability and I got uncomfortable when people would call me "mom" or get overly invested in the "baby" at what felt like too early in the pregnancy. I also had a really hard time with everyone who seemed invested in knowing the sex. I didn't care about the sex so much as I didn't want a tech or doc to know more about my potential baby than I did, and we had already decided on getting the 20 wk u/s so we went ahead and found out. It was great to know something more about "him" around the same time that my belly was showing and I was feeling movements - it did help us bond more - but it took me a couple days to be comfortable even calling him a "him". I had this idea that we would call him a "bio male", and try to resist gendered pronouns but eventually we just decided that this was not realistic for us and the world we live in. We chose a gendered name, and now call him "him". We will continue with this until he can tell us to do otherwise, knowing that our household will always be a safe space for him and that though we are very sensitive to this issue, the likelihood that he is transgender is actually quite small.

We have planned to deliver in the "birthing center" at our local community hospital with a large midwifery practice in town. I would rather not use pain medication or interventions but I have purposefully chosen practitioners and a facility that align with my definition of "medically necessary," so my plan is to trust their recommendations and try to go with the flow. I would love for my mom and sister to join us in the room for the birth if they can make it in time, they live out of town. I'll probably use a tub for relaxation during labor but I'm not convinced I'd be comfortable actually delivering in it. We'll see!

Good luck to you!
post #196 of 222
Hi bread&coffee ...
We didn't find out with our first child, and called the baby, "Baby." That worked for us because of our thoughts about personhood and when it starts, in our opinion. We never used the term "fetus." We called the baby "Sparkle" too, if I recall.
We did find out with our second child, and started calling him by male pronouns from that point.
With both kids, we waited until they were born before we named them. DP hurriedly chose the name for E (from our favourite three that we we considering) during a very perilous first few moments immediately after her birth, and then suggested that I have the final say on our second child's name.
After five weeks and a notice of an impending fine from Vital Statistics, she ultimately chose his name too, because I simply couldn't decide between our two top contenders.
It's only now, almost five years since our first child was born, that we have way more gender stuff coming up with regards to our oldest child.
We're a house where our girl-child has a buzz cut and our boy-child loves dresses more than his sister, and one parent is gender queer, so not surprising, really.
Ultimately, listen to your gut! You'll be relying on instinct a lot when you're in the throws of parenting, so might as well start now, eh?
post #197 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sphinxy View Post


We chose a gendered name, and now call him "him". We will continue with this until he can tell us to do otherwise, knowing that our household will always be a safe space for him and that though we are very sensitive to this issue, the likelihood that he is transgender is actually quite small.

This. Absolutely. Well said!
post #198 of 222

sphinxy-my dp and i also knew we'd find out the sex if we ended up having a 20 week ultrasound for the same reason--because it seemed odd to have someone else know more information about our potential baby than we did.  my fertility acupuncturist will also be able to tell sex from my pulses, but the last time i was there it was still too early.  at that point, her guess was that we were having a very masculine girl baby...which cracked me up.  we never intended to not call our child "he" or "she" in alignment with biological sex, we just had designs on having a first name that would have been used regardless.  thanks for sharing about yourself and bonding, it was helpful and interesting to read.

 

your birthing-center-within-the-hospital birth plan sounds really good, and it always seems like the most important thing is to be in alignment with your practitioners.  i appreciate the way you sound so flexible about exactly what everything ends up looking like.  where are you now?  37 weeks?  you're getting so close to meeting your babe!  

 

starling&diesel-naming is such a huge responsibility--i totally get not being able to choose between two names you're equally into.  my dp came up with both of our middle name options (which come from 50's painter namesakes) and i especially love them because they were chosen by her.  how lovely to have two children named by your dp.  and, i do believe in listening to my/our gut when it comes to parenting, although i'm a little mind-blown about how important it feels in my gut to see this eventual babe's profile when she's only half-grown.  on the other hand, i don't want to abandon all of my ideas about the type of parent i want to be, and how i want to live with our child once he's actually here.  i'm striving for some combination of gut and idealistic daydream.

 

i am a sometimes-teacher, and i have seen how difficult it is to avoid gender stuff once children are nearing school age, regardless of whether or not they even attend brick and mortar school.  my dp and i are going to be able to split time caring for our child until she/he goes to school, and i'm really grateful we'll be able to immerse her in our world and values for an extended time.  we live in a place where there is a large population of long-haired boys and men and buzz-cut-sporting girls and women, and so there are lots of examples of ways one can choose to dress and look.  my main hope is for our child to learn how and why she makes choices, and to be able to cope with all of the societal expectations that will be coming his way for his entire lifetime.

 

afm-i'm headed back to my midwife for an appointment tomorrow morning, and i have to finish tracking everything i eat on a chart to take with me.  charting has been really helpful for making sure i'm eating enough protein, but otherwise it feels a lot like having an intense eating disorder. right now i'm doing work in a building at the university, and there is a table of pastries for a program orientation staring at me.  the chocolate muffin looks incredible.  in an attempt to not be a thief, i'm drinking my pregnancy tea, eating my almonds and apple slices, and drooling.

post #199 of 222
I'm 20 weeks and our ultrasound is on Thursday! I was dying to know with ds, but this one is mostly for others who want to know. Ds is coming with us and is hoping for a brother. I would have sworn it was a boy until the last few weeks but now I'm having girl thoughts. Hmm! Either way, we are excited to see some baby parts since dp couldn't come to the 12 week ultrasound.
post #200 of 222
W didn't find out for either kiddo. Although we too wanted to avoid all the expectations, labels, etc etc....to be honest we mostly just LOVED the surprise! It was really cool to not know and let our curiosity grow smile.gif
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