Found out that my pregnancy is over yesterday, as we traveled across the country at what should have been 10 weeks on the nose. Left MN in the morning, started spotting, went into a hospital to get checked out, and everything looks similar to last time, just slightly more developed. We decided to try and drive as far as we could (trading while I felt good), and luckily got home without passing anything on the road. Thinking the process will really start today not that I'm rested and home. I'm not even sure how I'm feeling - the same crushing sadness, fear that I'll never have children since this is the second time, confused because I am an absurdly healthy/health conscious person, angry and blaming my childhood for causing potential health problems/fertility problems, angry that people that don't want a baby seem to have them so easily, angry that people pay to have babies like mine taken out because they don't want them, and that someone like me who goes to births as an apprentice midwife, is a babysitter, and wants 4+ babies has now gone through this loss twice. I'm worried about my mental health but not really sure what to do about it other than take it one day at a time, keep eating and sleeping, and somehow put these pieces back together again.
Thanks for the time we did have ladies <3 I'm going to head over to the loss boards eventually and see if there are any good ideas - hoping progesterone or something simple is the key, although then I'll almost feel worse that I didn't have that info these times. Ugh.
(I did have a miscarriage/bleeding dream around 6 weeks, but weirder is that my mom dreamt I was pregnant the cycle we conceived, and she had a bleeding dream Monday night - creepy!)