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You Need To Control Your Child!! - Page 2

post #21 of 28

If you noticed your daughter bump into the woman and didn't say sorry and talk to your daughter about it, then I can't blame the woman's husband for being upset. They were expecting an immediate apology from you and a verbal lesson/redirection from you to your daughter. They felt like you were telling them they were being unreasonable when you said "she's only 3". 

 

We used to split up too, mostly in restaurants. I would take the babies outside when they cried, but if they were too upset, my husband would get the food to go instead and we would leave. 

 

There is a metal bar between the grocery lines at our favorite grocery store. My daughter starts hanging on the bars the moment I start to unload the cart. Every time, I have to tell her to stop. I still have to let my daughter know not to treat the grocery store like a playground, even though it is too tempting for her to take my advice just yet.

 

I once saw a toddler teetering on her butt on the back ledge of a high chair at a restaurant with tile floors. I couldn't stand it any longer and I went up to the family and told one of them quietly that the child looked like she was going to fall. I could tell they felt judged... They sat her back down and whispered to each other...someone then glanced over at our table and didn't say a word. If a stranger called my attention to something like this, I would probably be a bit embarrassed, but I would also say "THANK YOU!"

 

I live in an area that is hot and humid almost all year round. I was in the grocery store once and my daughter didn't have her flip flops on (they always fell off when she was in the cart, so I would take them off once I sat her in there). An "older" woman said it was stupid of me to not have shoes on her feet. I've had older folks tell me my kids weren't dressed warm enough either!  I laugh now, but I know I was pretty ticked at the time! 

post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmarroq View Post

If you noticed your daughter bump into the woman and didn't say sorry and talk to your daughter about it, then I can't blame the woman's husband for being upset. They were expecting an immediate apology from you and a verbal lesson/redirection from you to your daughter. They felt like you were telling them they were being unreasonable when you said "she's only 3". 

 

 

I kind of disagree and I think the man overreacted. Three year olds are not always of an age where they can control their impulses for long periods and I feel public places and our culture in general needs to do more to be child AND elderly friendly.  If this happened in any number of other countries the other adults in the room would have merely placed their hands on the child's head and said something nice and the parents would never dream of having to apologize.  People are just more accustomed to being crowded and dealing with kids in public in other countries.  

post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

I kind of disagree and I think the man overreacted. Three year olds are not always of an age where they can control their impulses for long periods and I feel public places and our culture in general needs to do more to be child AND elderly friendly.  If this happened in any number of other countries the other adults in the room would have merely placed their hands on the child's head and said something nice and the parents would never dream of having to apologize.  People are just more accustomed to being crowded and dealing with kids in public in other countries.  

I agree with the PP that it would have been appropriate to apologize immediately after the girl bumped into the woman. Not doing that shows a complete disregard for people's personal space, which I'm sure is something that helped fuel the fire for his reaction. Yeah, it was a tight space but we still need to be conscious of personal space. A toddler climbing and playing should at least be told to be aware of other people.

I hear ya about how people in a lot of other countries are more relaxed in public spaces. They dont take every bump and shove personally. However, sometimes the same cultures allow kids to get smacked in public by their parents. No one says anything because its not seen as a big deal.
post #24 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by pickle18 View Post

 

Honestly, I don't think he was appraising your parenting so much as communicating his own need.  It's extra sad when you consider that he probably feels hopelessly out of control about his wife's illness in general, and struggling to protect her in whatever tiny way he can.

Good points.

post #25 of 28
I think older folks forget just how energetic young kids can be. We were at dinner the other day with in-laws, SIL and her kids. While we were waiting for the check, DS was getting bored and fidgety and playing in the seat. MIL said we needed to control him better. I told DS that he needed to sit back down in his seat. MIL wasn't even sitting next to him. I brushed off the comment since I didn't want to get into an argument with her. Her child tolerance is not very high anyway.
I do remember when I was growing up, my grandpa would constantly yell at me and my cousins to sit still and be quiet. My dad would comment back and say we were just being kids and what do you expect. Grandpa was the type who could sit for hours in a chair and not move.
post #26 of 28

It sounds like she was acting like a normal toddler, but some places just aren't toddler friendly.

I know I get grumpy/frustrated when I'm in a crowded room dealing with a potentially stressful situation (like a trip to the SS office might require), so I'd just chalk up his behavior to being ina bad mood and worrying about his wife. I think moving was the best thing to do in that situation.

post #27 of 28

AH, I just remembered a time when I was grumpy in public because of a toddler.  I was moving across the country and had my two month old son and very sick elderly cat with me in the airport, waiting at the checkout counter.  A young boy no more than three came over and started poking at the cage and playing with my son's carseat.  After asking the boy gently not to do that and his mom made no motion, I think I said something like "You need to control your child!".  The mom sounded German or something, and obviously was just surprised and flustered by my response.

 

I was extremely uncomfortable having my son in an airport with all those germs at that age; I was just passing ut of the germophobe period I went through and he was probably a bit old for that.

 

I did not have the patience at that time to ask more politely, and it was sooo similar to the OP's story.  I feel that the mom was inattentive and should not have let her son poke around an animal cage she knew nothing about but that's beside the point.

post #28 of 28

When DD (16 months) is crying or screaming in public, DH will say "Make her stop!" I usually respond with "I don't have a magic button that makes her stop!" And he'll say "yeah you do, its your boob!" 

He doesn't have a lot of kid familiar friends so he gets super nervous about loud and/or obnoxious kid in public. 

 

I also find that older people are not used to being around toddlers. DH's grandma was so annoyed that DD at 12 months ate with her hands. She HATED it! Well, she's too young for silverware but hates being spoon/fork feed, so her clean hands work perfectly. What do you want her to do, lick her tray? (Which she does if her food is especially delicious.) 

 

OP, I think you handled it fine. What should she have done, let her kid play in the parking lot? Geez.

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