This whole motherhood gig is quite unfair. Now I'm not speaking about you mamas that have lots of help from your *wonderful* husbands and lots of help from your family and friends. I'm talking about us mamas that have husbands with long hours or that don't help. That don't have family or friends lending a hand. Or money to hire help or often get babysitters and enjoy time away. I'm speaking about us moms (and some dads) that are in the trenches engaging in daily warfare against any army of kids that outnumber us. While we are being bombed by bills, cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, homeschooling, sickness, poop and pee!
For a long time, OK since I became a mom. I have give up everything that was important to me. I was OK with this for a long time. Though I have always resented my husband for always holding onto things he finds important and interesting. Sometimes my anger is intense, sometimes I just accept that he is a selfish butt hole! We all have things about us that aren't pretty.
This has been a really tough year on us and I am starting to fell the stain. Long story short, Murphy has visited us countless times. We are broke, tired and stressed to the max. I'm expecting baby #4 in September and would give just about anything for a break before she comes!!! My key word right now is *DEPLETED* I give my all everyday to my family and I'm starting to get really upset that no one helps or cares about all the things I do. My kids whine complain and cry about cleaning. They don't do anything unless I tell them to do it and even then it's a battle. I have to yell or cry to actually get them to help out. They also seem to do the quickest and sloppiest job they can so that they can get back to playing asap. My husband works long hours. 9-10-11pm 6 days a week. But he spends every second of his free time looking and doing things he's interested in. I spend every second of my free time focusing on my family and all the things I need to do to keep us going.
So I'm feeling like if no cares if the house is clean or anything gets done around here then why should I? The kids don't care if their toys are spread in a disastrous mess through the house, why should I? They complain about helping put away the laundry and don't want to do it, so why should I have to do it? No one ever wants to help with the dishes and despite being shown a million times how to do everything right, they still do it incorrectly. Why should I have to do them and keep fixing their mistakes? The kids don't want to do any school work, so why should I spend my time making lesson plans and teaching? My husband is perfectly content to sit in the scum mess when he is home without doing anything so why should I constantly be cleaning? The worst part is how SPECIAL I make everyone's birthdays and holidays. I put SO MUCH THOUGH and EFFORT into honoring them because I love them so much. Yet on my birthday or mother's day I'm surprised to get a homemade card or some stupid gift from my husband that I don't like because he put no though or effort into it.
I am so ANGRY no one notices everything I continuously do. No one is grateful. No one helps on their own free will. I feel like they just expect me to do everything for them. The really sad part is I have and still do, do everything for them!!! I don't know how to stop, but frankly I'm fed up. I want uncoerced help. I want appreciation. I want a thoughtful family that sees I'm pregnant, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, in pain and comes to my rescue helping me, caring about me!