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Where did my support network go?

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

I'm proud to be breastfeeding my gorgeous 14 month old boy.  We've been through some difficult challenges lately, but now that we've figured out the problem breastfeeding is a joy again!

 

Once he turned 12 months the questions began..."when are you going to wean him?".  From most people this doesn't bother me, from my mom and DH it does.  My mom bf'd me for 1 year and believes anything longer is more for the mom than the baby.  And now my DH is in on it too, saying that everything will get so much easier after he weans.

 

So I'm not sure how to approach this.  So far I've just been saying that we'll night wean him once his teeth are through and think about the rest later.  I'm quite happy to tell my mom to back off, but not too sure about DH.  He was so wonderfully supportive for the first year, but now we're in uncharted waters (dd weaned soon after 1) but I'm not ready to wean my baby yet. Has anybody else experienced this with their partner before?  

 

Thanks for any input

post #2 of 10

I think the hope is always that if you change something, things will be easier, but the question is will they really be easier?  What does your husband see happening once your baby is weaned?

post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 

So true...I think his main concern at the moment is ds' night waking and my exhaustion, which is fair enough I suppose.  Secondly is probably a bit more freedom, but I know that will come as DS gets older anyway and have explained to him.

 

I'm not sure about night weaning...I'm not all convinced it's going to solve the waking at night problems!  But I guess that's probably a topic for another post.  Thanks for listening Viola :)

post #4 of 10
Hi Viola, your post really resonates with me.

Luckily for me, my mum hasn't blatantly expressed her feelings but I do sense them in her comments. I think for my mum, she feels perhaps slightly embarrassed or maybe it's just total isolation as none of her friend's breastfed nor have their daughters past a couole of months. And in fact, my mum's two closest friends are actually totally uninformed and anti-Breastfeeding in their attitude. (Common in Ireland)

I've been able to infuence my husband by showing him lots of articles about different cultures and reading more my self. My son wakes constantly at night and that means that I really don't get quality 1to1 time with my DH, but I didn't want to even broach night weaning until I knew my son understood "boobies are going to sleep". I was able to convince my DH of this too. Now my son is 19 months and he does understand what "going to sleep" means so sometime very soon I'm going to try weaning him from 8pm until 1am/2am. I'm more ready now. I think my son will be too. I'll be telling him "boobies are gone to sleep" while rocking him I imagine. I'm dreading it, but i'm more ready. It's amazing what a difference 6 months makes to a child. I hope my experience is some help to you.

Also I really recommend you search the mothering site articles for the "Breastfeeding beyond infancy" podcast. You'll really appreciate the information and support it gives!

Good luck! :-)
post #5 of 10

Sometimes it's helpful to be firm with parents. Tell your mom "I'm committed to nursing until 2" or something like that. Maybe she'll shut up for another year? Doubtful, but worth a try.

post #6 of 10

Breastfeeding after 1 year was difficult for me in terms of support. Many people disaprove and they let you know. MY doctor didn't like it but my babies doctor was good with it and so since MY doc wasn't a baby or child doctor in any way, I didn't give his opinion any more credance than non-medical people.

 

You should probably try to find a group of extended bf moms, through LLL or the internet or whatever. If possible, some that you can meet with in person! When you have problems you can not complain let alone get advice! Like when my son sunk his ever lovin teeth right into my nipple. Automatically everyone says, "Time to wean!" SO not helpful!!! People really can't understand why you would continue to nurse after getting bit because in their head, that's when they think they would quit! (Just like everyone says they will leave a bf or spouse if they ever hit or cheated but then they don't because it's more complex than that, but that's a bit off topic)

 

And believe me, when that happened to me, I was traumatized. I didn't want to quit nursing but I was terrified to nurse! Try explaining that and getting helpful advice from someone who thinks 6 months is long enough to nurse! Even my best friend just did not understand or approve. (Also didn't think he should have his binky for as long as he did.)

 

So just for yourself, I hope you can find some kindred souls to be your new support group during this time!!! :) Good luck!

post #7 of 10
Thread Starter 

Thank you everyone for your replies!  It helps so much to have support through this forum.  

 

Have had a good talk to DH and the main reason he wanted me to wean was to make things easier for myself.  I realise now that I don't really talk about all the positives of bf, I just tend to whine when it gets frustrating/painful etc.  I sometimes forget that he has no idea what the bond between a mother and her bf baby feels like.  So I spoke to him about how I love it, how good it is for our son and how easy it is to get him back to sleep at night.  I now feel like I have his full support again joy.gif he even suggested we don't need to rush into night weaning (I think I actually scared him when I said half the night time parenting would be his responsibility!!).

 

As for mom, I'm just going to avoid the topic!  :)  It doesn't affect her in any way whatsoever so we'll leave it be...

 

Will go and check out the podcast now, thanks again :)

post #8 of 10

That happened to me too. My mother and some friends actually were appalled that I was still nursing my daughter when she was walking (She walked at 9.5 months). My husband was mostly supportive until after a year, and then it got to be like when is this going to end for him. I explained that my daughter would wean when she was ready and gave him some information from the WHO that recommends breastfeeding until 2 years, which seemed to help. Eventually my daughter lost interest, but I still gave her breastmilk in a sippy until she was 2.

post #9 of 10
Weirdly my family became more supportive and accepting! Even my grandmother.
I do nurse in front of them though and talk openly about benefits, studies and how society changed the view on breastfeeding. I even talk about the norm in primal times (up to 6 yrs!).
I am not sure how much you share with your family but that helped!

As far as my husband goes - he is very supportive. But a year ago he felt it might be okay to wean our lo at 2, I said "no, child led weaning it is", and that was that. He adjusted and does not want me to stop anytime soon smile.gif
post #10 of 10
:-)
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