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What do other moms do with their kids that you can't stand doing with yours? - Page 3

post #41 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by GISDiva View Post

I'm trying really hard to make my kid into a responsible adult, so I want him to put his laundry away, etc.  But Oh. My. God.  I love him, but he's such a scatterbrain and it takes him a gajillion hours to fold three shirts.  He knows how to do it and can do it, he just gets distracted by a million things.  So doing chores side-by-side with him is something I really, really struggle with, even though I want him to learn that running a house takes a bit of work.

mama he is just 5 years old. he still has a LOT of time to learn.

 

i think children that age ARE scatterbrained. and when they hit puberty OMG even worse. hormones do a number on their memory.

 

i did not insist with chores too much with dd doing them side by side. that would have driven me CRAZY.

 

instead i give her a day to do her 'chores' which she kinda liked doing. starting the laundry and then putting them away. 

 

doing the dishes. setting the table. 

 

i was never involved in her chores. 

 

however i was involved in the cooking. dd loves the independence of cooking and has been cooking full but simple dinners since she was 5. even now she does it. i'd be there for guidance and cutting stuff she struggled with like onions. 

 

i dont use chores as a sign of responsible adult. i dont expect dd to do stuff. but i make a request since we are a single family and she does have the right to say no. however she never says no but chooses a different time. 

 

dd instead shows me responsiblity by following boundaries. she calls me if she is going to be late coming home from playdate. or coming home from school. 

 

now that she is 10 i verbalize how much i hate doing housework but i like a clean house so i do it. i want her to learn its not a pleasant experience for me either but it has to be done. 

post #42 of 66

Love this thread. I like doing things with my kids, but not playing. I don't like playing pretend or playing on the ground with them... sometimes board games are ok, but often I get antsy and want to get up and do something. I like camping and hiking and ice skating with them, but can't stand the pool (germ phobias). And I love reading to them, but really don't like watching movies with them (this may get better as they get older though?). And while I love the idea of cooking with them, the reality is not so fun and I tend to avoid it!

 

And last but not least... I really detest birthday parties. The work and consumerism is too much and although I always marveled at the creative do-it-yourself ideas in Mothering Mag, they always involved way more work than I was willing to invest. DD1 turns 10 next month and I told her that reaching the double digits means no more birthday parties. A fun activity is a fine substitute IMO.

post #43 of 66
Funny, I realized today how much I love watching my DD do the type of play that I hate doing with her. I could watch her play for hours, as a fly in the wall.
post #44 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmamalizzy View Post

Funny, I realized today how much I love watching my DD do the type of play that I hate doing with her. I could watch her play for hours, as a fly in the wall.

I enjoy watching, and listening, too.  I love hearing them play when they do not realize I can hear. 

 

I realized after reading all these posts how many things I do not do with my children.  Partly because I do not want to and partly because having twins makes my involvement unnecessary.  They have always been content playing with each other and rarely asked me to join much of their play.

post #45 of 66
I have a son and cannot stand hide and seek, tag, or building forts. Guess what he like to do:)
I like to build with the blocks he has (Citibloks) it's kind of meditative. I like to read with him and to him, I like teaching anything academic.
post #46 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by One Art View Post

 

And last but not least... I really detest birthday parties. The work and consumerism is too much and although I always marveled at the creative do-it-yourself ideas in Mothering Mag, they always involved way more work than I was willing to invest. DD1 turns 10 next month and I told her that reaching the double digits means no more birthday parties. A fun activity is a fine substitute IMO.

 

Me too! I can't stand it and neither can DH. We avoided giving one for DD for years and then we finally decided a SMALL get together at the park with friends and a cake was a good compromise. However she sees all her friends parents who can go so over the top and I just don't know why or how they do it. Blech.We always request (beg!) people to NOT bring gifts as my girls have so much stuff as it is, we have small house, and grandparents always over do it for birthdays but people usually bring something anyway. It's a nice thought but it's just more I have to clean, sort and organize.

post #47 of 66

Playdates. It's a good thing my younger kids generally get along and that there's a lot of them to entertain each other, because if they were solely dependent on my ability to schedule and arrange a "playdate" for them, wherein I put on my Stepford Smile and make nice with intolerably irritating adults that invade my home and direct my and their children how to play, they would be up crap creek without a paddle. I do really well entertaining older kids by themselves though.

 

Ditto for going to the park. Intolerable!

 

I have no patience at all for organized team sports either. I may drive a van but you can guarantee that you will not find me hanging out on the sidelines, coaching, pushing, or running interference in soccer, baseball, softball, hockey, volleyball, tennis, etc. Anything with a ball, really. Hate it. I support my kids wholeheartedly in doing those sports, but I'm not the type to push them into it or get real involved beyond going to the game and being supportive.

post #48 of 66

My 3 year old can hide for a really long time, always the same spot so that sometimes buys us time to finish a task while we count VERY slowly.

 

I can't stand wrestling, rolling around in a bug pile kind of pile, which my husband is expert at, and my daughter loves.  He is also really good at making anything into a puppet/character and she eats that up.  I'm better at specific activities - cooking, reading - and thankfully she loves those, too.  I'm also better at squeezing into her tent for "parties" with the stuffed animals.

post #49 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

mama he is just 5 years old. he still has a LOT of time to learn.

 

Oh, I know.  And I fully realize that if it drives me crazy, I need to find a different way of doing things.  I think the worst part is I know he can do it, because you should see how fast he helps clean up while at school!  The best kind of peer pressure, I guess...I need one of his friends to come home and do laundry with us!  orngtongue.gif

post #50 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by vermontgirl View Post

This may not be the most popular answer, but I really don't play with my kids. I can't play with cars or legos, I hate playing dolls...dressup I can maybe tolerate for short periods of time. I do spend time with my children doing things that we all enjoy like cooking together, coloring together, reading together, board games, walking, sports...when it comes to playing with toys I just tell them that playing with toys is their job and that I am not into it. I think it is appropriate for them to understand that what is fun for one person isn't fun for another and that sometimes I have grownup things to do. I came to this conclusion when my oldest child was two and wanted me to play with cars. I used to sit on the floor running them along the floor and I hated it! In his world something wonderfully imaginitive was happening when he ran the car along the floor, but in my world nothing was. I eventually just stopped pretending and told them no thanks!


Totally me. I was thinking "Huh. Maybe I do suck a bit as a mom" when reading this thread...I have never played pretend with my kids..Maybe once. Maybe.

post #51 of 66
Pretend play, birthday parties, noisy toys, play groups, most "kiddie" stuff really...I just don't get into it. I'm rather introverted and prefer outdoor activities, so I don't do much group stuff.
post #52 of 66

Hidden pictures puzzles.  Reminded of this today.  My eyes get crossed and my brain gets muddles and kerfuddled.  Hate them.  DD2 loves them, and we get Hidden Pictures Playground. Can hardly wait until that series finishes.  Gah!

post #53 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by GISDiva View Post

Oh, I know.  And I fully realize that if it drives me crazy, I need to find a different way of doing things.  I think the worst part is I know he can do it, because you should see how fast he helps clean up while at school!  The best kind of peer pressure, I guess...I need one of his friends to come home and do laundry with us!  orngtongue.gif

ugh u have no idea how worse this gets when they get older.

 

all dd needs is one friend in the neighborhood we moved back into. all the kids are gone. and dd is 

 

bored

 

bored

 

BORED!!!!

 

unfortunately one of her summer camps is BORING, the other one is okay.

 

most of her other friends are on vacation. 

 

she is too bored to do her chores. yet when she has to go to a friends, she zips thru the chores that are incomplete. 

 

now that she is bored her memory is shot. 

 

she is the kind of child for whom everything is boring until she tries it and actually enjoys herself. she is the kid who i have to drag screaming and kicking to go on a hike, she wants to stay in the car, but the moment we start the hike she takes off enjoying herself and complains we are too slow. 

post #54 of 66
I'm not much good at playing, especially pretend. I'd rather play a game or read together. But I'm loving this book, which is really helpful for framing the importance of play, acknowledging that adults struggle with it, and illustrating how powerful it is for solving zillions of problems if we can learn to do it. Author is a child psychologist and play therapist. Anyway, as someone who kind of groans when dd says; "mama, want to play with me?" I find it really helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345442865/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
post #55 of 66

A question for those of you that don't do 'play', or pretend play anyway - what do your LO's do? How do they deal with you not doing it?

Mine won't leave me alone.....wanting/needing (?) our interaction nearly all day long. It's pretty tiring. I try and be there for her all the time - and join in with all things...but realise perhaps this is a bit over the top of me, and that she needs to learn it can't be like that all the time. Very hard to say no though, even if there are grownup things that need to be done.

 

The only way I can get her to do something on her own is if I have to (or pretend to) be doing something....a chore of some kind usually (dishes, whatever). If I try and sit at the computer and work (proper work) - that's not happening....she won't let me.

post #56 of 66
I feel ya, Grover! I feel like allot my day is spent doing dishes, cooking, feeding, cleaning up food, washing the soiled clothes, rinse and repeat. I rarely find time to play unless we are out of the house. My son is nearly 5 and plays pretty well by himself for brief spurts. I feel I have had to train him (by not neglecting chores) over the past few years to be ok on his own. Our kids go to bed relatively late (9ish), and I can't stand letting everything pile up all day just to complete it after kids go to sleep. My night chores still amount to folding laundry, cleaning up dinner messes, loading dishwasher, prepping coffee maker, wiping down kitchen and dining area, sweeping, and rag mopping under table. It's not like I grab a bowl of ice cream and plop down on the couch as soon as their eyes shut, kwim? If I played all day and neglected work, I would be up miserably late ( and living in high filth until then). No thanks.

Try to remember to offer to let him help with chores so he won't feel I'm always too busy for him. I offer reading, puzzles, and other things that have a pretty specific end time, so I can go back to working. I grab snippets of Internet phone time occasionally, but keep the laptop put away. I also put on music for a dance break once or twice a day, where we all get rowdy and giggle a lot for a few minutes. When we go on outings, I'm all theirs. It still doesn't feel like it meets the desires (ESP for DS) for playing together, but it's as balanced as I can muster for now. We do build trains, Legos and blocks pretty frequently after nap, before I start dinner.

Wow! Typing all that out really helped me gain perspective on how much I DO actually engage through the day. That's a relief! Some days I come away feeling like I've practically spent the whole day focused mainly on DD (nearly 2), since she needs more watching for safety. That feels kinda bad, but she gets older every day. Both kids play together a bit through the day. We make it work. smile.gif
post #57 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grover View Post

A question for those of you that don't do 'play', or pretend play anyway - what do your LO's do? How do they deal with you not doing it?
Mine won't leave me alone.....wanting/needing (?) our interaction nearly all day long. It's pretty tiring. I try and be there for her all the time - and join in with all things...but realise perhaps this is a bit over the top of me, and that she needs to learn it can't be like that all the time. Very hard to say no though, even if there are grownup things that need to be done.

The only way I can get her to do something on her own is if I have to (or pretend to) be doing something....a chore of some kind usually (dishes, whatever). If I try and sit at the computer and work (proper work) - that's not happening....she won't let me.

I responded in another thread to you as well, but i thought i'd add more of my two cents to this comment.

If you don't come to terms with having to establish boundaries/say no then your daughter is going to have a very unrealistic outlook on relationships. Its not about give, give, give without any respect toward yourself. This is not what it means to be a mother. She is being trained to believe that she needs to cling and demand attention from people and this will most likely alienate friends as she grows up. If you were to stop, take some deep breaths, gather your thoughts, and then assess where you're at--do you truly want to play with her right now or do you need some time to get work done or do things for yourself? Check in throughout the day and then make it a priority to give her a firm no and try to redirect her to play by herself. This is not neglecting her, this is treating yourself like a human with needs, not a machine that keeps going and going and going. You are also teaching her proper boundaries and respect for other people's needs which she very much needs to learn in order to function well in the world.

If she protests about you saying no (which she almost for sure will do because she's not used to it) dont give in--the tantrum or crying will pass if you dont give in. If you stick to your word she will realize that you mean business, thus, she will be forced to figure out what to do. Do you see how this is good for her? No one in this world gets constant entertainment and interaction, and if they were to have that then they are going to have a very unrealistic, unhealthy view of thenselves and relationships. Its good for kids to learn how to entertain themselves--this creates a sense of autonomy and independence that's important for functioning and survival. She will also use different parts of her brain and learn different things than if she were to only play with you or someone else all the time. There are probably other benefits, i just cant do think of then atm. Just know that you are doing your daughter and yourself a great service by honoring your own needs and creating healthy boundaries. You could also create a schedule if thats easier for you in which you plan for certain blocks of time for interactive play, independent play, eating, cleaning, working, etc. Explaining the schedule and keeping it where she can see it will help immensely.
post #58 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrimordialMind View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grover View Post

A question for those of you that don't do 'play', or pretend play anyway - what do your LO's do? How do they deal with you not doing it?
Mine won't leave me alone.....wanting/needing (?) our interaction nearly all day long. It's pretty tiring. I try and be there for her all the time - and join in with all things...but realise perhaps this is a bit over the top of me, and that she needs to learn it can't be like that all the time. Very hard to say no though, even if there are grownup things that need to be done.

The only way I can get her to do something on her own is if I have to (or pretend to) be doing something....a chore of some kind usually (dishes, whatever). If I try and sit at the computer and work (proper work) - that's not happening....she won't let me.

If she protests about you saying no (which she almost for sure will do because she's not used to it) dont give in--the tantrum or crying will pass if you dont give in. If you stick to your word she will realize that you mean business, thus, she will be forced to figure out what to do. Do you see how this is good for her? 

Unless she's like my daughter was at that age.  Yes, "No" would work, but oh brother you need to commit yourself to that "no"-- often the entire rest of the day was blown, and even if the tantrum ended before the day is over, I was wiped out.  Sometimes advice like this comes from parents who never had kids that persistent or had nerves of steel to face down a scenario like this.  I absolutely would not fault any mama who gives in too much to a stubborn child.  You are absolutely right about the things a child can learn by having to do things on their own, but holy moly!  It's easier said than done!

 

Grover, often I would tell the girls that I would sit and do one of my projects nearby, or do chores in the room that they are in, spend a bit of time setting up a game.  Computers are the worst.  I find that I can stitch or read and somehow they feel that that is better company.  If you can be nearby, if you can ask them"what is your doll's name?" or something without actually engaging in the play itself, then you can satisfy some of their need for company. 

 

So, being interested in their game is not the same as having to play it.  I rarely if ever am actually involved in the game, but they like showing off, bouncing ideas around, asking for assistance ("mom, I need string for harnesses!").  That's what I do.

post #59 of 66

I don't mind make-believe play, but I do have an issue with making dolls talk and stuff. For some reason even as a kid who enjoyed playing house and other pretend play, I would dress up my barbies and then... nothing! I remember being bored with a lot of sit on the floor play when my kids were little. Somebody said Play-doe and I HATE IT! Clay is ok, I just can't stand the smell of playdogh. It grosses me out and I hate having it touch the table or anything!!!! :)

 

My littlest one used to demand that I draw things for him and that got sort of frustrating sometimes. I like to draw but I don't like to do it on demand!!!!

 

I LOVED vollenteering in the preschool! I love going to the beach but I agree, I'd rather go kidless!!! I love singing with the little kids cuz nobody else wants to hear me sing!!! :)

 

I also always liked going to birthday parties with them... I guess I have a lot of kid in me. But I do of course have things that I don't enjoy doing... and they always demand those things a lot!!! lol.

 

I always used to feel so bad for not enjoying getting on the floor and playing with my bigs when they were little. I know we did some stuff but other stuff was sooo boring, lol. Glad to know I'm not the only one! My youngest always wanted to cook and since I didn't I mostly spent a lot of time chasing him out of the kitchen. But I still let him do some stuff. He was always very independent- he'd walk right by me and run his own bath and get in etc. Which was good because bath time always bored me too!!! (The bathroom was through the bedroom so I could easily keep an eye on him).

 

I am a big reader so a lot of times I just liked to read and have them play near me- "parellel play" lol.

post #60 of 66

Oh and I'm not really into sports so I don't enjoy running around outside much!!! I'm much more of an indoors person. And REALLY BAD MAMMA- I didn't like teaching them to ride bikes!!! Not gonna run behind you and hold your seat for hours, ugg just no! They all learned, either with someone else's help or under their own steam. My daughter taught herself how to swim! Not because I didn't want to or anything but simply because she insisted on being in the deep end of the pool from the first time she met it!

 

So I'm not big on flying kites, sledding, or making snowmen because I hate the cold and snow! Once in a blue moon if the mood strikes me I might get into a fun snowball fight, but it's gonna be pretty rare. As to kites, I really hate it when it's windy too!

 

I LOVE trick or treating though!!! :)

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