My daughter is 7 years old. She has been diagnosed with AS, ADHD and possible ODD. I really need some suggestions here..
I DD was diagnosed with AS and ADHD not too long before I became pregnant with my DS. DD was very happy about having a little brother on the way and was very excited. When I started 'showing', DD ( who has always been a handful..or two) began to hit, kick and through things at my stomach. I would always talk with her about how this hurts mommy and could really hurt her little brother. She would normally trick me in order to hurt my stomach by asking me for a hug or kiss and then proceed to hit/kick me. This was upsetting for me and my DH and it was very hard to be around her or even hug/kiss her out of fear or her hurting me. This is mentioned to her Ped who suggested putting her on meds to help even out her moods ( she would go from being angry to happy to sad very quickly and would often cry for no apparent reason ) which I turned down.
After DS was born, she would attempt to dump him out of his swing, pull him from my arms and so on. When he was a bit older ( just starting to sit up for a few minutes on his own ) she ran him over with her little ride on scooty car, through it across the room and started crying and said " he shouldve moved!!" even though she had the entire living room area to 'drive' in.
She was always given plenty of attention from myself, her grandparents and my DS and we worked hard to always include her in everything. She would go from holding DS to give him kisses ( with our help ) to bouncing a ball off of his head and then laughing when he cried. We have always been very consistent with our discipline and always followed through- but she still continued to act this way.
To try to make this a bit shorter- she went to live with her GPs for awhile because she was a danger to DS. I couldnt do ANYTHING without her screaming, crying, or trying to hurt me or her LB. I simply couldnt handle this on top of dealing with PPD and other heath issues
There was a point where we tried the meds that her ped perscribed to her, and they did help with her moods. She was taken off of the meds after awhile because her ped wanted her to work on learning how to control her emotions a bit on her own, not to mention the meds made her very sleepy. That was quite awhile back...
Now, she is 7 and very smart, funny and excels in school and is a pretty happy little girl for the most part. But no matter WHAT I do or say, she speaks so hatefully to her LB. He is a very sweet little boy and loves and looks up to his big sister. But she acts like she hates him. If he tries to hug her, she pushes him away most of the time. If he draws/ makes something, she points out whats 'wrong' with it. The arguing is CONSTANT. We cant take family trips together because she acts this way, we dont go out to dinner as a family..or do anything..because she will start and argument with DS or go out of her way to say something hurtful, even though hes being very kind. She has told him to hit her before, so that she could lie and see him get into trouble. They can RARELY play in the same room together for longer than 5 minutes without her hurting his feelings, or taking over and controling everything he does and plays with.
This hurts his feelings and he will often cry and say " Mama, I love my sissy..but I dont think she loves me." And of course, this breaks my heart. Next month DD will be headed into 2nd grade the gifted program, and DS will be headed into pre-k and Im very worry about how she will treat him on the bus rided to and from school or if shes look out for him. She doesnt seem to care much about him at all and has even told me that she wishes he would leave.
Other family members have observed them playing together and always make remarks on how rude, hateful and bossy she is with him.
We have all talked to her many times about this. She is a bossy child in general and tends to not have many friends at school because of her controling/ bossy nature, but shes always THE worst when is comes to DS. We have tried giving them time apart by letting DD visit her GPs for a weekend, and it doesnt help at all. DS will tell me how much he misses his sissy while shes aways and when she walks through the door it feels like everyone has to walk on egg shells/ distract her to keep her from starting an argument with DS.
This is a big issue for our family. I feel like her behaviour controls what we can/ cant do together and when we can/cant do it. Its affecting DS and I know that DD will have even worse issues if we dont find a way to get this behaviour to stop because no one will want to be her friend.
What would you do? The GPs kept both of the kiddos last night for a family party, and their GF called to discuss her hateful behaviour with me. He suggested talking to a social worker and asking them to watch them interact. He said that hes worried about DS emotional state and even asked if DD needed to come back a live with them for awhile! DD is does not hit DS or hurt him physically in any way- its just how to speaks to him..no matter how many times you correct her or she see how it effects him/ us, she still continues. Though I am concerned with her over all behaviour- their interactions is my biggest concern.
What would you do/ suggest?
This is really becoming an even bigger issue. This is something that we where hoping she would 'grow out of', but she isnt and this concerns me because DS is now old enough to actually understand her bossiness and the hateful things shes says- and take them to heart. Im tried of seeing him get treated like crap by her.
PS: Sorry if I sound a bit stressed- I feel at my ropes end with this situation and Im very worried for both of my LOs. THANK YOU so very much in advance for your advice.