Edited by A&A - 7/24/13 at 2:44pm
Well, lesbians wouldn't be the only ones to make use of a dental dam. Straight people should be using them too. Certainly you could could educate her on them without specifying girl/guy or girl/girl.
DD 16 and I often talk in reference to her friends and that makes the conversation a little more comfortable. She has some friends who are sexually active (straight and gay) and we talk about the importance of consent, importance of protection, emotional aspect, all that. I have talked to my DD about how gay and lesbian individuals have historically been more lax about protection because babies weren't an issue but certainly, the 80's/90's brought forth the importance of safe sex for ALL. That's a good approach too.
such a good question -- and I'm responding just I'll be subscribed to the thread. Our book on sex/birth control/etc is really focused more on puberty aged kids, and while it is very frank, I feel like we are ready for something more adult and more detailed about protection.
There are lots of things we teach our kids without direct experience. I talk to my kids about drug use though I've never tried it myself. I talked to them about smoking and I never smoked. There are several forms of birth control and protection I haven't tried or simply didn't exist before I got married but I don't feel unqualified to talk to my kids about it. I mean, how detailed were you planning on going?
Keep in mind too that she's heading off to college. If she's living in the dorms, often the Residential Assistants give lectures on it. They tend to be more detailed!
I think the more information the better. We have talked about dental dams in the past although I've never used one and my dd has never used one. Dams can be used for both heterosexual and homosexual sex and I think when we do the sex talk it's just something else to talk about. I think the main thing to stress is being safe and how she can come to you with any questions she has. You want to educate her about sex and let her know that with the right person sex can be a wonderful experience.
gloves are multipurpose, easier to get and cheaper, in my experience -- having been a broke ass college student and a queer woman. and anyone of whatever sexuality/gender can use a dental dam (or a glove cut open). they can be used for oral-anal sex as well as oral-vaginal sex.
I wouldn't worry about getting her a book specifically aimed at teens if she's going to be heading off to college.
My mother got me Our Bodies, Ourselves when I was heading to college. It includes just about anything you can think of. I only wish she'd gotten it for me a few years sooner - not because I was sexually active then (and I doubt it would have changed that), but just because it addresses so many questions that I never would have asked anyone.
Changing Bodies, Changing Lives is the teen version, and does cover same-sex issues.
I would look to a site called "Good Vibrations". It's a shop in San Francisco and is progressive and positive about sex. They have a book. I agree that a college aged person can probably just have a regular book and that safe-sex is something that can be discussed in general terms without the need for sexuality-specific details.