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Is there a group for mamas doing pregnancy over 40?

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 

I just wondered. I am 41 and about 12 weeks pregnant #3. I am dealing with a different set of emotions, reactions, etc., and wondered if there was a group her for the over 40 mamas? (If I am just daft or blind and haven't found it, please point me in the right direction. Thank you. orngbiggrin.gif )

post #2 of 27

I'm still searching but I did find this thread.....http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1379906/anyone-here-over-40/20

post #3 of 27

It is not easy finding a social community of pregnant women age 40 and older and I don't know why.  Women are beginning to start their families in the late 30's and early 40's. 

 

Back in the day, so to speak, the average age of marriage was 18 and the average age of first pregnancy was 20 to 25.  I was 22 when I got married and had my first child at age 26, second at age 28 and third at age 43!!!  I am now age 58. 

 

I would love to hear from women my age with young children.  I know they are out there.

post #4 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazymother View Post

It is not easy finding a social community of pregnant women age 40 and older and I don't know why.  Women are beginning to start their families in the late 30's and early 40's. 

 

Back in the day, so to speak, the average age of marriage was 18 and the average age of first pregnancy was 20 to 25.  I was 22 when I got married and had my first child at age 26, second at age 28 and third at age 43!!!  I am now age 58. 

 

I would love to hear from women my age with young children.  I know they are out there.

I'm right there with you....age wise!! Support is good!

post #5 of 27

You could contact some of these members or post on this thread

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1382291/pregnant-over-40

post #6 of 27

Hey you should just start a thread....I will join if I get pregnant in a couple of weeks...we are trying through IVF!!!!! I think this is a much needed thread to support mamas and I feel a lot of us still feel ashamed because we are older. I hav a 2 year old. Anyway, I need to go to bed and hope I am not rambling but if I am..congrats and I'm leaving now...lol!

post #7 of 27
Thread Starter 

It's lovely to "meet" you ladies anyway. smile.gif I had #1 when I was 25, #2 at 37 and I'm 41 now and either 11 wks 4 days, or 12 wks 4 days. (I got a little confused this weekend and am not sure now. lol) 

  One thing I am dealing with is the negative feedback (especially from my MIL) about danger of Downs, etc., and I really need some positive reinforcement right now. I am trying not to worry, but relax, get through all of the nausea, reflux and heartburn and take it one day at a time. 

post #8 of 27

wave.gif  I am 41 (will be 42 in 2 months) and 36 weeks pregnant with #2.   I had DS when I was 38
 

post #9 of 27

hi, am not pregnant now but had my children at 35, 37 and 43.

my youngest turned 6 recently ... and i'll turn 50 next week.

personnally, i'm not sure that being pregnant when older means a different set of emotions ... a MIL who his a pain in the neck ... would be irritating anyway, whatever age one would be !

post #10 of 27

The other day an acquaintance asked how our common friend (who now lives in France) is doing. I said "well she just had a baby" and she replied"wow she's pretty old" no joke.. and I gulped and said" We'll we are the same age and I'm trying to get pregnant again" In our society there is judgement about being an older mom and I also feel there is shame when one is an older mom. Sometimes I struggle with the shame.  anyone else?

post #11 of 27

not shame, irritation and anger in the face of RUDE people (= including a female cousin of mine, and we are only one month apart in age, and yes, we are both French !!! ... mind you, British MIL and her husband were VERY rude TOO just after i miscarried aged 42 .....)

 

said cousin, upon hearing that i was pregnant for the second time at the "ripe" age of 37, proceeded to ask me (not in a joking way AT ALL, very seriously ...) "aren't you a bit old to have a child ?" (since she had had her two children in her late twentie)

 

she's part of this cohort of people who imagine that if you do something they didn't get round to doing, THEREFORE you are "NOT normal"

 

i used to be rather quiet ...but nowadays, i sometimes cannot help blurting out ...."is that supposed to be polite  (in your country/language) ?"

post #12 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyKittysMew View Post

It's lovely to "meet" you ladies anyway. smile.gif I had #1 when I was 25, #2 at 37 and I'm 41 now and either 11 wks 4 days, or 12 wks 4 days. (I got a little confused this weekend and am not sure now. lol) 

  One thing I am dealing with is the negative feedback (especially from my MIL) about danger of Downs, etc., and I really need some positive reinforcement right now. I am trying not to worry, but relax, get through all of the nausea, reflux and heartburn and take it one day at a time. 

I'm a bit older than you, and having my 3rd...and she's perfectly fine.  Of course there is higher chance statistically of Downs, etc...but it's not a given that the baby will have something wrong with them.  I have 2 other healthy kiddos, with the first being born when I was 37.  I can't say our families were thrilled when they found out..but more because they're all 2 kid families...I don't really care.  I never thought I'd have a 3rd, but here I am.  The first trimester really kicked my butt too...happy to be done with that!

post #13 of 27

I'm not sure I understand about the "shame" of being older.  I chose to have kids once I was financially stable and had the kind of lifestyle that made kids easier to raise.  I'm happy that my "old" body is healthy enough to create and grow a healthy baby.  I'm not sure what there is to feel shame about...but I don't really depend on a lot of people, or on their opinions (not that there have been a lot of negative opinions or anything).  Dunno...I have a lot of friends in NY who are just starting their families in their late 30s and carrying on into their 40s and I it doesn't seem weird at all to me. I suppose if I was 50, then that would be a little unusual...but not unheard of.  I joke about being a geriatric mom...ha!

post #14 of 27
I'd like to know too. I'm 40, will be 41 at delivery with first.

I'll keep a lookout for threads in here. But it would be nice to chat with ladies of "advanced maternal age" as my doctor's office put it in a that folder of info you get on your first visit

I feel ZERO shame, in fact, I'm proud I waited to start a family. I put myself first and got a solid education and focused in my career so I would have a legacy to pass into my child. My entire family is thrilled--husband and I have been together for 16 years. We decided to live and really get to know one another before bringing a child into the mix. I also find that there are more women like me so I won't be the only "old" mom at the PTA when the time comes.

I celebrate my age and I won't allow anyone to poo-poo on my party.
post #15 of 27

Well, maybe one of us should just start a 40's pregnant  and lovin it thread....anyone? If there is another thread out there..which I have looked:it's old and archived and we should just do a current one.

I love hearing all of your perspectives. I feel shame...I guess that is real for me and it is important for me to acknowledge those feelings and move past them. Part of it is staying in the present and not thinking about being 60 years old when I hav e 20 year old son..will he be ashamed?It's in the future and I cannot change it.

Maybe chatting with you all will help me to move past it. I did not meet the love of my life until I was 35...what can I say. And mothering my son is the best gift anyone has ever given me and I hope to add to my family soon.

So if anyone of you decide to start a thread come back here and post the link so we can all move over there.......blahblah.gif

 

I Like:

lmkl said" I'm happy that my "old" body is healthy enough to create and grow a healthy baby".  More power to us!!!

Katobi said"I celebrate my age and I won't allow anyone to poo-poo on my party."  Yea, I feel charged!!!

 somegirl99 said"I am 41 (will be 42 in 2 months) and 36 weeks pregnant with #2" Awesome!!

post #16 of 27

I am not yet 40, but I am 39. We tried for 5 years and ended up using donor embryos to finally get pregnant - so I feel like I still qualify in an "over 40" thread even though I am not 40 yet. We live in the south, where most of our friends had kids really young. All of my close friends have kids in college or high school. I am dreading announcing my pregnancy because I know people will talk.

 

The embryos were not as old as me (so to speak), so I don't really have any "advanced maternal age" issues.

 

 There is a bit of shame for me too (like tracy said). I am trying to not feel it, but it is most definetely there, especially since we used donor embryos. Part of the time I am happy that I lived the life I did in my 30s and 20s, got a great education (Ph.D), and job, and partied my butt off for a really long time Sheepish.gif. But part of me feels a lot of shame after dealing with infertility for so long and finally being pregnant at 39. I am still working through all of this. Infertility takes time to recover from.

post #17 of 27

Just to add:

 

lmkl - you said that you don't understand the shame in being older. I don't think I would have understood either, being in NY. I lived in Chicago for many years and people being pregnant in their late 30s and 40s was normal and expected. Now that I live in the deep south, the story is different. There is definetely shame in it in many parts of the country. I was kinda shocked by it when I first moved down to the south. Sitting in the doc office waiting room with grandmothers who are younger than me (with their 14 year old pregnant daughters - a pregnancy that they are very happy of), brings shame.

post #18 of 27

Thanks RCR for the validation. I was thinking in the shower that most of the shame I feel is not from people  don't know but mostly my close friends and family....who are all from the south and /or have conservative thought. Yep,Thanks for sharing your experience. I feel less alone. And yet inspired by your experience of infertility for so many years and now.....you are pregnant with a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope I am next.

post #19 of 27

Tracy - yea, what is it with the south? I am not originally from here, and I am often puzzled by how different things are than in the midwest (where I am from). I really hope you are next too!
 

post #20 of 27
42 and my fourth child is due in August. Far from feeling shame, I am quite proud and tell/remind people all the time that I am 42 and feeeling FINE!!! I even joke that when I was a child, I didn't think you could have babies at 42. I feel like a super woman!!! Perhaps I have never noticed a negative response (we live in Florida) because I beat them all to the punch with big smiles and excitement??

Congrats everyone!
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