Riding Out The Storm

[PM]

Yesterday my dd had an unexpected "fit." She had donned her new plastic hula skirt and was begging for some dancing music. We had a bit of difficulty choosing the music and finally decided on some swingin' jazz. But as the music played dd became increasingly upset. Suddenly she was wailing "I can't dance. I can't dance." Dh and I were perplexed. We tried to coax her, tried to praise her dancing skills, offered to help, offered to dance to show her, offered to dance with her. No! For one hour she wailed and wailed, completely distraught, in total despair. "Do you understand?" I asked dh. "Do you know what's going on?" He asked back. "Maybe it's one of her former identities acting out. Maybe she was a dancer who broke her leg." After a while, I said, "No, we've got to figure out what's really behind this." We never did.

Eventually she retreated to her bedroom. Minutes later we heard the sound of the legos tub crashing from the top shelf. Then legos being flung wildly against walls, floor and window. About 10 minutes later silence reigned.

Dd returned to the kitchen. For a few moments she dinked around rather sheepishly, and then said, "Maman, I want you to go look in my room." "I'm afraid to look!" said I, thinking she had simply thrown her legos all over the floor. "Come see!" insisted dd.

"Oh my!" I exclaimed. My dd had destroyed her bedroom! Every single book, every single toy, every cushion, every bedsheet, her table and chairs, EVERYTHING formed a mountain so high I could barely see the far wall!

"Well, let's pick it up together." "You pick it up!" replied my dd. "Ah no! We'll do it together." "Ok." And as she hummed happily along, she carefully put away each book and each toy as I straightened the chairs, desk and bed.

The storm had passed. And we still have no idea what the problem was!

[Kerrie]

I'm impressed that you just kind of let her run the show. I'm not sure that I would have had the willpower to leave DD alone knowing that she was upset. Your DD clearly needed to work it out and then came to you when she was ready.

[lotusmom]

Wow...Very intense. letting her ride with it was amazing of you.
Both my kids have done similar things, especially ds for no apparent reason. With my kids, I think it is usually when they are developing and growing. A friends of mine told me, "wow something beautiful is going on" Yes a bit on the overly possitive side, but I used that as my mantra. Since these things have usually hit in waves. And all of a sudden you will see her having changed, and able to express more, and growing up. I think so much goes on inside that they just really need to let go of all that emotion. :
I think sometimes adult want explination and rational for all, and with kids, it just happens.
You might want to try teaching her different breathing to help her get through it. Otherwise, enjoy the beauty of the storm, and the peace that comes after.
m

[steff]

WOW
Godbless your patience. I would have definitley wanted to get to the bottom of it, during the dancing part. You have taught me something for sure, with this story. How old is your dd?

"wow something beautiful is going on" Yes a bit on the overly possitive side,

:LOL You think. I want to be like that though. I think thats great to think like that and from now on I am going to remember that. Thanks.

Steff

[PM]

Thanks everyone!

She just turned 4 last week.

Later I asked, "Are you still sad?"

She answered, completely perplexed, "About what?" She had totally left it behind, having been able to express it to the end.

One of the things I was asking myself back in Jan/Feb was, "If I could change something about the way I parented my toddler what would it be?" And I answered, "I wouldn't have spent half the time I did trying to get to the bottom of everything!" I now see that aspect of my parenting as a form of control (I have control issues stemming from a very chaotic childhood). I don't have to control/understand all her emotions.