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July Chat

post #1 of 62
Thread Starter 

I think it's time for a chat thread!  I can't believe we haven't had one yet.  How's everybody doing?


I just had a crazy weekend.  DH is out of town for a week and I work an on-call job a couple days a week.  DH takes care of DS when I get called out.  We recruited a friend for this weekend.  My workload is usually not huge.  In a 48 hour on-call period, I might work 8 hours.  So it wasn't supposed to be a huge favor.  Well, I had a lot of work this weekend!  I was gone all day Saturday and until 7 pm Sunday.  My friend had to sleep over Saturday night.  I feel so bad!  I originally was going to do something to make it up to her.  A gift certificate for dinner or coffee or art supplies or something.  But now I feel like I should just pay her outright since she was working her butt off all weekend.


Luckily, I normally work on Mondays so DS went to childcare today.  I took a 3.5 hour, very much needed nap! 

post #2 of 62

I was pretty excited about last week! I had my last prenatal visit with my OB and my first with my midwife! SO excited to be fully over to my midwife! I just love her. And we got some super exciting news too! My husband's sister (who has been a close friend of mine since we were 7 yrs) came over to dinner and we finally told his family that we are pregnant. She returns with the news that she is too! And  our EDDs are only 8 days apart! I think that is really neat! joy.gif I was worried that she may be bummed since this is her first, but she is just as excited as I am about it!  Another huge blessing happened as well. My sis-in-law and I were both nervous to announce to her other sister because she is not able to have children of her own and I know she hurts every time someone announces that they are pregnant. So we ended up telling her the same day (hoping to just get it all over and done with.) Her husband called me the next day saying how excited they are for us but how bummed she had been all day..... but then at 10 pm that night they got a call and their very first placement of a foster child! God was really looking out for her and His timing is perfect, let me tell you! 


Ok sorry for going on like that! Just wanted to share! 



Cwill- Oh man I hate when things like that happen. You tell someone, "Oh it usually only takes this long so I will be back shortly." Then it ends up taking twice as long as normal. Good thing you were able to take a nap and catch up a bit! 

post #3 of 62

that is really cool :) the same thing happened to me when we announced to my newly married sis and BIL who came into town from across the country for a visit. We told them and I joked that I was hoping for a "double reveal" my sister turned bright red and said "I can't hide it now, we just found out!" so we are due about 3 weeks apart. My 7th and her 1st. We'll never get to see each other, but it's still pretty cool luxlove.gif


I also have two co-workers who have recently been through two miscarriages in a row and have no children so obviously that's scary and then I have to face them and tell them I'm having #7. greensad.gif It just makes me feel so guilty.


I still have 3 more weeks until my next appointment with my OB. They schedule them 4 weeks out and then I reschedule them for 3 weeks later. We'll see how long I can get away with that...LOL Even though I'm low intervention and loathe office visits, I admit I am excited for the next appointment as we'll have an U/S and find out if my husband's right for the 7th time and it is a girl. I have a strong feeling it is too, but it's always fun to find out (we've never been able to wait until birth...spoil sports that we are.)


Other than that just trying to enjoy this period of relatively normal feeling before I get huge and heartburn and all that fun stuff. Right now the humidity in Michigan is killing me. Ugh.

post #4 of 62

tspencer - That is so brilliant! It's such amazing and beautiful timing for all of you. joy.gif


Cwill - That is a really rough weekend. I am sure your friend really appreciates your consideration, and I reiterate that it's great you got to get a little sleep. Hope the rest of the week is quiet for you. Well, as quiet as it can be with a "little man" in the house. orngbiggrin.gif


  I am trying to figure out why "Bugsy" (the bump's nickname, christened by DD1) wants me to get up at 4 am every morning lately. Then I am exhausted later, but can't seem to nap even though DH makes it possible for me to lie down. I am feeling quite yucky too with nausea and headaches, and of course have to eat when I wake up, all of which is very annoying.  I am only throwing up about once every couple of days though, which is really good.

post #5 of 62

mcimom- I felt so bad because my sister-in-law (that cannot have children) and I, had really been bonding through my two miscarriages (in a row.)  But don't feel guilty about having another. I'm sure it won't be easy for your co-workers, I know how hard it was for me to be around other pregnant women through my losses, but I was still happy for others. Maybe not bursting with joy for them lol but still happy. My other sister-in-law (my husband is one of seven) had her 8th about a year ago. So with her we are always like, "Well he/she is almost a year old now it's about time Leah announces shes pregnant again."  winky.gif And that is cool that you are pregnant with your sis! Actually I am pregnant along with 3 of my sisters-in-law, but one is already overdue and the other is due in 6 weeks. So yea more than half of the family is expecting at this time!


Mykitty- Hope you start being able to sleep more and feel better soon!! Sadly I'm still sick at 13 1/2 weeks so I'm thinking its going to last for the long run. 

post #6 of 62
Thread Starter 

That's so cool that you guys have family to be pregnant with.  I have a few friends due within the next weeks/months, but I don't know anyone due this winter.  Although, we have told very few friends at this point so it could be that other people are waiting to announce too.  I know a few people who were at least considering another.  My SIL is very excited because DS, her son and this new LO will all have birthdays so close together.  She wants to have a mega-party every year where we get together somewhere to celebrate.  Could be fun! 


I also have a couple friends who took the news of our pregnancy kind of hard.  My husband told our friend (the one who watched DS this weekend) and said it looked like she had been punched in the gut  greensad.gif.  She's happy for us now, but she's been wanting a kid for a long time and is in a relationship now with someone who absolutely does not want one.  I think she is starting to feel strongly enough about it that she's considering taking matters into her own hands/risking her relationship through adoption or a donor, but it would be a very hard decision either way.  The guy is the best guy she's ever been with since I've known her, but I don't think he's going to budge.

I had my second OB visit last week and heard the heartbeat again!  One more boring (pointless?) visit and then the 20 week scan.  luxlove.gif  I am not low tech, but I'm having a hard time deciding whether to do the quad screen.  I'm leaning toward not and I didn't last time, but ... it's not that I feel like my OB is encouraging me too, but he really wants me to think about it ... which makes me feel like he thinks I should ... which I don't think is actually the case, I think he just wants me to seriously look into it so I make an informed decision.  LOL.  I'm trying to figure out what I would do with a high risk result.  I wouldn't terminate the pregnancy, for sure.  I would still hesitate on an amnio because of the risk of miscarriage (and I don't want to lose the pregnancy).  So, where does that leave me?  In general, I like as much information as possible, but the quad screen results are so unreliable ...  Ugh.  Decisions, decisions.

post #7 of 62

We turned down the quad screening with my DD and this one. I have been to the OB 3 different times and they were pushing it each time with this little one. I have told them no over and over. Must be something in it for them. Personally the results wouldn't make a difference to me. I'm not going to love my child any less if my child has a disability. And the tests aren't a 100%. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having it done. Just for me personally I don't see the point. I had a friend who was told her son was going to have all these problems and may not even make it. They were trying to talk her into just aborting him. Thankfully she didn't and guess what?!?! Her son is perfect. Didn't have any of the problems they "caught." He is an adorable 5 yr old now. We decided not to even have the 20 week scan. We did with DD but because we wanted to know her sex. This one we want the surprise so we decided to skip it! Just do whatever you and your husband feel comfortable with. Don't let your OB make you feel like you have to do anything you don't want to do or don't feel comfortable with. I actually just watched a documentary yesterday that I found insightful if you are interested. It isn't on the quad screen exactly but just some of the stuff doctors push that aren't always in you and baby's best interest and the difference between homebirth/birthing centers and hospitals! It is called The Business of Being Born. My sister-in-law had me watch it. It's in Netflix if you happen to have that. orngbiggrin.gif There is a second one too but I haven't watched that one yet. 

post #8 of 62
Hi Mamas,

I also turned down the screening, here in Australia they do an NT scan and (mother) blood test combo, but I knew that I wouldn't terminate whatever the result, so we decided we didn't need the stress of testing. It's such an emotional area of pregnancy!

If the NT and bloods come back as a high risk (which is isn't accurate) they recommend the other invasive tests, which again might not be accurate. Also consider your age and family tree as factors for testing or not testing.

I did feel that there was a business model applied to the tests, which became more expensive as you get further along; I had a hard time off the ultrasound receptionist for not booking my NT scan and asking me why I wasn't doing it.

Always remember you have a choice and you can trust your instincts either way; I have many friends who took the tests for their peace of mind, so that's another perspective, some people just need to see results on paper and that's ok too.

X Imogen
post #9 of 62
Thread Starter 

I think most people (when given the choice) end up turning down the quad because they don't want the stress of a false-positive.  I don't think that would stress me out.  I understand that screening should cast a wide net so you catch as many cases as possible.  And you would simply use that information to determine whether you wanted further, more invasive, more expensive testing.  But it actually sounds like the sensitivity is quite low - around 80% for both DS and spina bifida.  That is, there is a very high rate of false negatives as well.  So it misses 20% of cases.  That seems ridiculous to me.  You're not catching that many cases at all! 


My OB will respect my decision no matter what.  The first time around I just said no way and he said, cool.  This time when he asked if I was interested in the screen, I wondered if I had been naive the first time around and if I had taken an ignorance-is-bliss approach.  That's why he was encouraging me to look into it.  I just slightly interpret his encouragement as an endorsement of the test, which is probably good because it made me think through it even more - wondering what the possible benefits could be.  The only thing that would change with a positive result is that I might try to find support groups or do a little more research prior to birth to be prepared.  But since the information is so crummy and I would be very unlikely to get an amnio anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it.

I saw the Business of Being Born, tspencer!  With my first, I started out at a birth center and the midwife recommended it to me.  It was interesting!  What I found, though, is that it wasn't super relevant to the doctors or the hospital here.  Perhaps if I had been high risk in any way or if things had not been textbook-perfect during labor, I would have had a different experience.  But early on, I talked to my OB and talked to a bunch of L&D nurses about hospital policy and I've been confident that the way they do their thing is the way I want them to do their thing, so it's a good match!   

post #10 of 62

Oh that is good that your OB listens! I guess I was just speaking out about mine asking me every time I stepped into the office and then giving a disapproving look. Lol They didn't give me a hard time when I was pregnant with my DD. Oh well! I hope you didn't think I was saying there is anything wrong with using an OB and going to the hospital! I had my DD in the hospital with an epidural but just didn't have a great experience, not a terrible one either, but just didn't like how I had no control over anything (They just kind of did whatever sometimes without even asking) and I had a bad reaction to the epidural. So I looked for different options with this one. shy.gif

post #11 of 62

I've had a emotional month but am powering through it. Just tons of stress. Our city flooded really really badly and we were under a state of emergency for weeks. Luckily we were ok where we live in the city but others were not so lucky. My parents were only a few houses outside the evacuated zone, so their power and utilities were cut and it was a harrowing couple of days watching the rivers keep rising and spilling over the dams. There is a town just south of us that is still completely devastated and underwater.  DH went out to help evacuate people and was out using his expertise to help make it safe for people but it will be a long long time before everything is back to normal. The tension is getting to him and me. Work has not been as plentiful as it usually is at this time of year due to mismanagement at the company he works for so we are STILL catching up on bills from the winter. I'm worrying about putting aside money to get us through the winter when we are barely getting everything paid ATM. We had to cancel our vacation because I can't justify spending money on it when we need to save. I had to get a tooth pulled last week which a huge ordeal for me so I was miserable and DH was not being very supportive. I am finally feeling better from my really bad MS, so I am getting back on my feet. I am picking up the pieces of my house which unfortunately means a HUGE amount of cleaning because DHs idea of a clean house is vacuum once every 2 weeks and all the dirty laundry in a pile on the living room floor and only picking up garbage and bottles once every two weeks or if someone is coming over. I was starting to feel like I lived in a hoarders house, but I couldn't clean due to the fact that any bending over made me throw up for hours after wards. My sons attachment to us suffered during all this so his behavior changed drastically for the worse. We are working on rebuilding the attachment and he is much happier boy these days. I got a TEXT from my mother in the middle of my midwife appointment that my grandfather had died (Seriously, why did she think a TEXT was the appropriate means of informing me of this!) He has been sick for about 10 years and has suffered so many strokes that he hasn't been really there for years. I am glad that he is out of pain now and no longer trapped in his body.


On happy notes, I had a midwife appointment yesterday and baby looks great! I found out that my previous ultrasound showed that I had a cyst near my ovary AND a sub chronic hematoma, so that explains the bleeding. My garden is looking good this year, I think we will actually get some peppers, tomatoes and lots of beets. I am back to being able to stand cooking again, which makes me VERY happy and improves my families mood. Our bills are ALMOST all paid off so I can start buying stuff I want (I have my eye on a Wondermill Junior so I can make fresh whole wheat flour and sunflower butter) My dad got a great espresso machine with a frother from a garage sale, I love it, I can have starbucks quality drinks at home.  I'm loving having a real backyard this year with a healthy eco system, we have so many birds, squirrels (Which are a trial some days) and bees and even dragonflies. due to the fact we have so many of the them we also have almost NO mosquitoes unlike pretty much everyone else in the city. The city has restarted recycling pick up, it was shut down during the flood and clean up. 

post #12 of 62

Wow. That is a tough month! I have a friend in Alberta and though she wasn't in the flood zone, she was near it and had many friends/family affected too. That's been her FB feed for the past month, so scary!


I hear you about $$. I am the WOH parent and my husband stays home. Though he has a part time IT business of his own, it's not enough to make up for what we lack when I'll have to go out on maternity leave. We struggle to make ends meet as it is, the thought of January is just freaking me out. I have a good, stable job and benefits, but my leave is unpaid unless I have enough time saved up which I won't most likely so I'll probably have to go down to 60% pay for about 3 months. YIKES.

post #13 of 62
Thread Starter 

Wow, Euryale, that sounds so difficult.  I followed the flooding when it first happened.  It was amazing the amount of water.  I had no idea flooding of that scale was possible in Alberta.


I hear you too about money.  My contribution is very hit or miss and while I just had a great weekend, it was preceded by 3 weeks of nothing.  My husband's company seriously downgraded his insurance and he has a chronic health condition that we're now paying a lot more for.  So we're hurting for the next couple weeks. 


Anybody else craving a cocktail????  Just a little one?




ETA:  Oh, and tspencer I didn't think you were criticizing at all!  I was seriously thinking through what you said.  I have a tendency to take all comments quite seriously.  :)

Edited by cwill - 7/10/13 at 8:47pm
post #14 of 62
I could go for a rather full glass of ice cold Chardonnay right about now, you know, with condensation on the side....sigh
post #15 of 62

I am with you guys on the cocktail or glass of wine! I have even been tempted to just get sparkling juice or something lol At least I have the up side of knowing after I have the baby that a little beer helps my milk production. winky.gif

post #16 of 62

everything in moderation champagne.gif one glass is unlikely to do any harm, they just have to say NONE so that that 'they' can CYA and not deal with the people who are unable to exercise discretion.

post #17 of 62
Thread Starter 

Well, I may or may not have had a celebratory made-it-to-the 2nd trimester glass of wine last night.  Just a couple days early.  orngtongue.gif


But I could use some good thoughts to get me through the next few days.  I found out on Wednesday that I'm a carrier for a cystic fibrosis mutation.  I guess my midwife didn't test me the first time around?  Or my OB used a broader panel?  I don't know, but I'm kind of shocked and not sure where to go from here.  The next step would be to have DH tested to see if he's a carrier.  I haven't looked into pricing at all to see if we can afford it or if his insurance will cover it.  He's not interested in getting tested.  He's not really interested in seeing a genetic counselor either.  But he is willing to let me make the call.  (So generous...)


So again, I find myself wondering what I would do with the information.  If DH were positive, we would have to decide if we wanted an amnio.  If the amnio came back positive for CF we would do very little.  We wouldn't terminate.  But perhaps we would prepare and meet with doctors beforehand.  Try to acquire extra support from family and friends.  OTOH, I think if we had a LO with CF, those things would fall into place fairly quickly and now that I know it's a possibility, it wouldn't be the shock it would have been otherwise.  OTotherOH, a significant part of my brain is acting like this baby has CF already.  I've been doing research to see what it entails.  I've woken up in the middle of the night the last 3 nights feeling absolutely sick and in a panic.  So maybe DH getting a negative result will help me let go of those fears.  Or maybe they will fade on their own with time...

post #18 of 62
Originally Posted by tspencer519 View Post

but then at 10 pm that night they got a call and their very first placement of a foster child! God was really looking out for her and His timing is perfect, let me tell you!  


This is sooooo awesome! love it



As for me, other than the fact that my breasts are getting huge and my belly button is poking out under the stretch of my belly, I seriously don't feel pregnant.  This is still making me a bit paranoid and feeling disconnected from the pregnancy.  I half feel like I can't buy things (even though I have been) because what if it doesn't happen?  I had a great first apt, strong heartbeat and baby was moving all over the place, doing little backflips in my belly, but its hard to hang onto that for weeks in between without feeling or knowing anything that assures me everything is ok.


I have another appointment, this time with my midwife group, this Friday afternoon and I'm really looking forward to it.


So, what have you all bought so far?  Thankfully I kept pretty much everything from pregnancy with DS so I don't think I need a whole lot right now.  However, I can't help looking at woven wraps and cloth diapers, and have thus purchased several things this week (oh man!).  I stocked my newborn and small pocket diaper stash and I bought a new woven wrap.  Not like I don't have enough that have been just sitting around unused since DS grew out of them, but what can I say? hehehe.  I did de-stash my wraps quite a bit during my time thinking no more babies would be coming, sold I think 3 wraps to mamas I met online (diaperswapper) through my years of trying to conceive.  Then last night I went to the mall "just to look" at maternity stuff and ended up finding several things on clearance at H&M including a winter wool jacket (didn't need a winter maternity coat last time) and two tops for really really cheap.  So I guess it's feeling more real by the day, and I can definitely feel my uterus expanding and cramping throughout the weeks, so I guess that's something to hang my hat on!


Still nobody knows.... eek.  I honestly have no idea how to tell my family about this, and at the same time, I truly cannot hide it much longer.  Already my son has asked me TWICE if I have a baby in my tummy.  He never asked me this before I got pregnant, so it's weird, like he has an intuition about it.  He is going to be absolutely ecstatic when I tell him.

post #19 of 62

cwill, I am also a carrier for the CF mutation. I had genetic counseling with my daughter, and her dad tested negative. We are unsure if my husband, (my dd's stepfather,) will take the test. We do not think it would change anything we are doing at this point. My brother had CF, and then my parents had three healthy children including myself. If both you and your partner are carriers, there would be a 1 in 4 chance statistically of this baby having CF, (my family just happened to be the statistic.) Sending you positive thoughts. If you ever do want to talk about it, I am all ears.

post #20 of 62
Cwill, my niece had CF and we lived with such a knowledge of this disease growing up that I asked to be tested for it with my first child. Weirdly enough, I was told I was not a carrier then and went on to have my son and daughter. With this current pregnancy, suddenly I get told I am a carrier of the most common mutation! HUH?
I went through a few weeks of panic waiting for my husband's results (he went in next day and got tested so we would have peace of mind or be able to prepare). He is not a carrier. Big relief for us. Totally worth getting the test so you can know in my opinion.
We had two losses last year and I am over 40 so for those reasons plus my constant nerves of worry (last loss was a chromosomal defect), I asked and got blood drawn for the new non invasive fetal DNA panel test maternit21. Got results today which reinforced what the fetal specialist saw last week in our ultrasound: all is well and no defects/chromosomal abnormalities! Also found out this is a girl.
We all have smiles on our faces today and can finally relax and enjoy this pregnancy.
I understand the point of not wanting tests if you would do nothing different but in the cases of say a heart defect, knowing about it before can save the baby's life. We have two sets of friends whose children both have same heart defect. These babies required them to change their birth plans to a hospital equipped to take baby into immediate surgery. Just another viewpoint....knowledge is power and knowing your baby might need specialized care can be helpful and also finding out all is well can be such a huge relief if you are stressing out. I was giving myself high blood pressure over this all. Feel so much better.
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