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How and when did you decide to start potty training?

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 

So DD is 17 months, and I remember seeing a video online awhile ago about potty training at 18 months using the bare bum method. I'm interested in this, but not sure how to decide if this is a good time to start. When DD was 12 months, I would put her on her potty after a nap and she would pee happily.  Since 14 months, she has not peed on the potty at all, and not for me not trying. In the last month she has taken an interest in the toilet in general. Specifically, she watches me pee, then points to the toilet paper, then all but pushes me out of the way to say bye to the pee while I flush. I would take this as *one* sign of toilet training readiness, but she actively fights me if I try to put her on her potty with back-arching, tantrum-y glory.  I've spent up to a half an hour with her on her potty after her waking from a nap and I know she has to pee and she just won't do it.  She held it until I put the diaper and and predictably soaked it. So, tell me, how and when did you decide it was time to start, and how did you go about it??

post #2 of 18

My son was almost 3 and I decided I was sick of diapers so we tried it....and it failed miserably...mainly because I was so gung-ho and ridiculously high-pressure about it. Kids pick up on that. I am sure it would've worked if I had been relaxed...but I found I couldn't be at that time so we dropped it, and will try again after our upcoming vacation. I also had all sorts of fixed beliefs about how it should be done, and I realize now there is no one right way to do it, and every child is vastly different in this.

 

I think 17 months sounds too young, and I definitely would not push for it at this time. Just keep potty awareness high, keep offering her the toilet but if she's not interested drop it immediately. You can also get some books to read with her about it. Just keep it there, but not in the forefront and not with any pressure at all. You have plenty of time! I know some kids have trained that young, but it is very rare. If you or she feels stressed about it, don't do it. If you feel you ca do it easily and relaxed, then maybe go for it. But the minute it becomes stressful, drop it. She's only 17 months old.
 

post #3 of 18

DS would hold his pee all night at an early age and then pee it all out when he woke for the day. And then his have a massive poop for the day ten minutes later. Potty training wasn't really on my radar but no diaper on Earth could hold it. So at 2 DH would rush him to the potty as soon as woke up. They'd read stories until he was done. Training pants within a month during the day. Underpants all day and night by 2.5 .

 

With DD, we started at 17m and she was done by 2, night and day.

 

DS will be the same.

 

Getting potty training out of the way before the powerfest and control issues of 2 and 3 is AWESOME. My daughter was so empowered and proud of herself and it was hugely important source of positive control for her. Plus, a lot more hygenic.

 

I highly, highly recommend the book Diaper Free Before Three. It just focuses on gently, systematic connections between potty and how your body is feeling.

 

I think is is honestly absurd to say that 17 months is too young to potty learn when probably 90% of the adults on these boards were training then and the vast majority were done by 2. It wasn't rare and the only reason it is less common now is because parents don't initiate it for who-knows-what reason. There is nothing natural or AP about late toliet training. In fact, can anyone be surprised that it takes a kid, at age 3, awhile to learn when he has been diapers for litterly twice as long as an 18m old? The kid has been trained...to use a diaper.

post #4 of 18
Thread Starter 

Yes my DD most often holds her pee during sleep also, if only I could get her to sit on the potty when she wakes.  I will keep trying, I think if she would just do it one time she will change her attitude about it.  I definitely would prefer that she train by two for the exact reasons you mention Judi. It's doubtful she'll wean by 2 so we can at least have potty training behind us! And you're exactly right, we were all trained by 2 so I don't know why we wait longer now...

post #5 of 18
I think we must have started at 16 months or so. It was really just a shot in the dark. I figured if she was big enough to toddle around, sit on the potty, and say "pee pee," then we could give it a try. In these early days I would just have her bottomless for short stretches and take the potty with us from room to room. If she started to go, I'd stick the potty under her bum. She was out of daytime diapers by 2, although it took her until age 3 to really get it for herself. It's funny, she actually did better in the 18 - 24 month range than most of age 2.
post #6 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by element2012 View Post

So DD is 17 months, and I remember seeing a video online awhile ago about potty training at 18 months using the bare bum method. I'm interested in this, but not sure how to decide if this is a good time to start. When DD was 12 months, I would put her on her potty after a nap and she would pee happily.  Since 14 months, she has not peed on the potty at all, and not for me not trying. In the last month she has taken an interest in the toilet in general. Specifically, she watches me pee, then points to the toilet paper, then all but pushes me out of the way to say bye to the pee while I flush. I would take this as *one* sign of toilet training readiness, but she actively fights me if I try to put her on her potty with back-arching, tantrum-y glory.  I've spent up to a half an hour with her on her potty after her waking from a nap and I know she has to pee and she just won't do it.  She held it until I put the diaper and and predictably soaked it. So, tell me, how and when did you decide it was time to start, and how did you go about it??

Did you somehow get my child?! Because this is us to a tee!!  She used the potty quite a few times from 12-14mos, both poop and pee, without any fear or concerns.  I started then bc she was always at my feet when I went to the bathroom so I figured I'd get her sittting and talking about it.  Sometime around 15mos she started to dislike the potty - and any toilet.  I always made it fun, we have special potty books, and she was capable at that age of telling me pee or poop, right as she was going.  But the phobia, omg.....I have no idea if something happened while my FIL was watching her and trying to get her on the potty or if it's just the fact she's in a fear period, but you would swear we were killing her!  I've never held her on it, but what she will do if naked, or while in the tub is jump up and tell me "mommy, poop coming" (she's reverted to calling everything poop).  I try to get her near a potty, and see if she wants to do it herself, nope! She cries, crosses her legs, and let me tell you has some seriously good bladder control because she holds and holds and asks for a diaper and immediately soaks it.  If she does pee on the floor, it takes a looooong time holding for it to come to that, and she's not phased by the pee down the leg sensation, just tells me "mommy, pee pee, wet" and walks away, a trail of pee footprints in her wake.  My biggest issue now is that she does wet at night, fairly heavily, and even with the insert, her super awesome hold everything cloth diapers are keeping her wet and she's had a horrid rash turned blisters. I can't even blame it on the diapers bc I have disposables for traveling and those too cause problems overnight.  I was potty trained by 2 (bc my sister was born when I was 2.5 and my mother ensured I was out of diaper before that time) and I feel like physically DD is capable of doing this (clearly she can hold it while awake) and out of necessity to clear up her rash I really want to get this done sooner rather than later.  Like others mentioned I do not want to be starting this when power struggles are in full swing.  She's super independent as it is!  So suffice to say I have no pointers bc our kiddos are like potty twins and I will be watching this thread lol. 

 

I do know that pressure is bad.  I've got a friend attempting to potty train her 2.5yr old before a trip to Disney next month and she's not the least bit AP or GD in her methodology so poor baby has been punished more for accidents than I care to think about :-(

post #7 of 18
Interesting thoughts.

Mine are on the other side. I am child led in many of my parenting choices and potty learning was no different.

We had potties available from 12 months + and we never hid in the bathroom. They were welcome to come join. After a few failed weekend attempts, too much stress on me and more laundry than I cared for I let go of the power struggle.

Why? Because *I* didn't want to be trained and I didn't want accidents.

There are children who can handle this at 18 months and there are children who can't handle it until 5 or later.

But the majority of the young children I see "trained" aren't really. It the parent who is, accidents galore and always having to carry around extra clothes.

That wasn't working for us. So I gave up control, I let both my kids lead potty learning and both were ready for it at 3 years and 4 months. Only a handful of accidents between the two and once they were ready that was it. They took themselves, I never had to wake them to take them. We could go out and feel confidant that they could hold it until we got to a potty. There was no stress.

If we have another I will do the same. Have potties available and let them decide. Whether that be 18 months or 48 months they will train when ready.
post #8 of 18

Daughter just turned 2 a couple weeks ago. She knows what the potty is for but is not really interested in it. In my due date club the kids run the gamut from basically daytime trained to really not interested, and of course they are all about the same age. I might try encouraging it more in a few months because I would like her to be trained before the next one is born, but I agree the idea of "parent training" doesn't sound like fun, so unless I can get her to buy in there is not much point. She's so darn smart, I know she can do it! But she doesn't want to. 

post #9 of 18
Thread Starter 

Sassy, here is the video I saw ages ago about potty training at 16 months: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwjYDmH1m3E

 

The gist is to do the naked thing and teach her what she's doing.  I think I may do the bare bum thing for a day or two and see how far we can get. No pressure, but my instinct tells me she's ready to learn and I don't want to miss an opportunity.

post #10 of 18

Very cute videos, seems to be what I've sort of done although not as consistent bc I'm very reluctant to relinquish things like this to my FIL during the day bc he just doesn't follow my directions!  He took DD to get ice cream a few weeks back - she's been dairy intolerant from day one and he's known that but just took it upon himself to get her some then of course he leaves and I have to deal with the cranky kid with stomach pains and massive blowouts.  So clearly I can't trust him to follow potty instructions, and I know he would choose to hold her on there which I don't do.  He did comment this morning how she's still too young and my comment back was I know my daughter, I was trained by 2, she's shown more than one reason she's ready I just need to work on the potty phobia, WHICH brings me to my next point, she's sitting on the potty right now (playing with a tape measure) and has peed in there 3x so far since I got home at 130pm!  Has been stark naked the whole time, slept that way, remained dry through her hour nap even after nursing down.  Got up and just missed but put up a good effort, spent over an hour out in the backyard where she did pee in the grass once. 

 

Make that 4x in the potty bc she just did it again on her own! Woohoo!  Ok so I wasn't watching her and didn't see her pee until after she was dipping the tape measure in there, ha, just gonna wipe that off and toss back in DH's toolbox whistling.gifI need to stock up on animal crackers now, and I was telling DH to stop showing her helicopter videos on you tube (yes, major tomboy here) unlesss DD is sitting on the can or has just done something in there so it's another way to reward her. Although my primary goal today was to dry out her bum rash and that's made good progress too! Prob won't accomplish too much this weekend, at least not tomorroww since I was planning a trip to the zoo for am and we've got a wedding at night so my parents will watch her for that.  But I'm super psyched that I decided to give it a go today and was able to work on the potty phobia (for peeing at least) and it gives me hope that things can go much better than I was expecting! 

post #11 of 18

It depends on how you want to do it (traditional, EC, Cloth, etc). What works for some kids, doesn't work for others. In any case, I wouldn't be too high pressure about it. If they aren't ready, just let them be.

 

My son had developmental delays and he finally got it at about 3 1/2 for pee and  about 4 for poop. I think it helped that he went to school and saw other kids using the potty.

 

My daughter was preemie, didn't walk until about 19 mos and had some speech delays as well, but she had a much different personality than my son and I just knew she would get it earlier (plus girls tend to get it earlier). She was determined to do things for herself, where my son was determined to have mom do everything for him (first born+developmental delays).

 

I started cloth diapering my daughter most of the time when she was about 15 months. She couldn't even walk yet, and shortly after we stared cloth, she crawled over the the potty chair, pulled down her pants and sat on it and peed! Of course she didn't do it all the time, but I knew that I probably could have pursued it and got her to be more consistent. I didn't. She eventually got it at about age 3, for both pee and poop. 

post #12 of 18
My belief is that toileting is a skill like any other and best learned over time with lots of practice, chances to make mistakes and plenty of parental support in the beginning. I don't like the connotation of the parent being "trained" if the child isn't 100% proficient. I'm already potty trained, but I'm helping my toddler experience how nice it feels to be clean and dry by reminding her to go potty from time to time or simply taking her if she's giving me telltale signals (potty dance, crotch grab, etc). I'm assisting in her quest to master her bodily functions and supporting her emerging skills. For me cleaning up an occasional pee accident or keeping track of when she's likely to need the potty is so much easier than changing diapers on a reluctant toddler. I have a portable potty in the back of the car and carry two extra bottoms and underwear plus a small wetbag. It's traveling much lighter than 4-5 diapers plus the extra pants I needed before taking the plunge. I started giving potty opportunities around 11 months, backed off 2-3 times for a few days when she resisted, kept it very low key and went to undies about a month ago at 26 months. To me the aim isn't about how young can I keep her 100% diaper free but how smooth and natural I can make the transition from 100% diapers to 100% potty. We had very little resistance, zero fear and apart from illness no poopy diapers after 18 months. It works great for our family and I plan to do it all over again with baby #2.
post #13 of 18
My daughter showed a lot of the same signs of readiness as yours at 12 months, element2012. She was very interested in my bathroom behaviots, so I invited her in to watch and learn. Not long after, she seemed interested in trying herself, so we bought training underpants and a potty. She really took to it and would pee when put on the potty. We went diaper-free and she never peed on the floor. I thought for sure we were going to have her effortlessly trained by 18 months, things were going so well!

Until she had an unexpected poo one day while going pee on her potty. It was such a surprise to her and caught her so off guard that she flipped out and was scared of the potty! Not only that, she started refusing to poo in her diaper and started holding it til she made herself constipated! This went on far too long, and we backed way off the potty training.

We have made subsequent potty training sttempts after dd turned 2.5, but nothing worked til she was ready. And it happened totally out of the blue too! A few days before the new baby was born she announced that babies wore diapers and she was a big girl, so she needed panties. She was 3 years 4 months old, and since that day she hasnt looked back. She even goes poo in the potty--recently out in a public toilet!--with no problems (but lots of fanfare!) Nothing really worked til SHE was ready.
post #14 of 18
Thread Starter 

Sassy, I think you can make really good progress in just a day or 2 of bare bum.  I have to work up the nerve to do this, my MIL will think I'm crazy for sure....

post #15 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by delightedbutterfly View Post

But the majority of the young children I see "trained" aren't really. It the parent who is, accidents galore and always having to carry around extra clothes.
 

 

Yes, this pretty much describes 24 - 36 months for us.  I referred to my DD as "out of diapers."  She certainly wasn't what I would have called "trained" until about 3, when she just clicked into it.  I don't think that every child would go through a middle period like this, but I personally preferred it over diapers, even with the accidents and whatnot.  Shrug.  To each his own, right?  I will note that, despite some moments of defiance, we did not have any major power struggles, and nor did I ever really feel like I was controlling my DD's elimination.  In that sense, I feel like the process can be kind of child-led, even if the child's not independently taking herself to the potty.

post #16 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by delightedbutterfly View Post

Interesting thoughts.

Mine are on the other side. I am child led in many of my parenting choices and potty learning was no different.

We had potties available from 12 months + and we never hid in the bathroom. They were welcome to come join. After a few failed weekend attempts, too much stress on me and more laundry than I cared for I let go of the power struggle.

Why? Because *I* didn't want to be trained and I didn't want accidents.

There are children who can handle this at 18 months and there are children who can't handle it until 5 or later.

But the majority of the young children I see "trained" aren't really. It the parent who is, accidents galore and always having to carry around extra clothes.

That wasn't working for us. So I gave up control, I let both my kids lead potty learning and both were ready for it at 3 years and 4 months. Only a handful of accidents between the two and once they were ready that was it. They took themselves, I never had to wake them to take them. We could go out and feel confidant that they could hold it until we got to a potty. There was no stress.

If we have another I will do the same. Have potties available and let them decide. Whether that be 18 months or 48 months they will train when ready.

I did the same.

My daughter had turned 2 when she decided to go nappy free.

She told me she needed to pee and poop sometime before her birthday, but I never pushed her at all. The potty had always been around, which she played in for months before deciding she would use it for what it was intended!

We used a sticker and wall chart reward system for anything potty related and within 3 weeks she was out of nappies completely, with just a handful of day time accidents. 

Definitely wait for however long it takes, and your child will let you know when they are ready x

post #17 of 18

DS is 22 months, and he decided he was ready. I really thought that it would be too early, until I started reading a few books, but he started asking to use the potty a LOT. I was too lazy most of the time to help him, between the onesies and the pants and the cloth diapers with multiple stuffers (he's a heavy wetter)... ugh. But he wouldn't stop asking, so I started him going bare-bottomed one night to see how he would do, and he loved the novelty of going on the little potty all by himself. That was about 3 weeks ago, and he's been in a diaper for outings only twice since then.

 

We do bring the potty with us wherever we go, I have a change of clothes for him, etc. He is definitely NOT "potty trained," but he is learning.

 

One book someone here recommended was "Oh Crap Potty Training" by Jami Glowacki. I found it to be really helpful (and irreverent, at times) b/c I was on the fence about pushing him to do this so early. I didn't want it to be a years-long process, and I didn't want to be stressed out and yelling about accidents all the time. He is doing surprisingly well, and even though he's only about 50/50 pooping on the potty vs. the floor/furniture, I can see that he's learning and I see no reason to prolong the process by making him wear diapers just b/c I don't want to clean up a mess. I really do think that you have to go cold turkey on the diapers during the day (sleep is a different issue) or it takes longer for them to "get it."

 

So we did a couple of days at home naked, and then just pants (no undies/pull-ups). We're on week 3 of going commando, and in another week or two we'll be shopping for big boy underwear for him to wear while we're out. I won't call it done til he's not using the car potty on every errand, but I, too, don't consider myself trained.

 

Saying the parents are trained b/c we carry a potty and a change of clothes is like saying parents who carry their kids or use a stroller are trained instead of letting their 11 month old walk everywhere. Just b/c a toddler has taken her first steps doesn't mean she's ready to walk through every parking lot or to every destination on her own two feet. Are the parents who carry her "trained?" 

post #18 of 18
Some babies/toddlers show interest early on but then are not emotionally/physically ready for actual potty training. My son was 17 months when he first got on the potty, but didn't train until he was almost 3. He wanted to, just wasn't ready yet.
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