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Family Planning

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 

i'm wondering how everyone is thinking about / handling the question of Family Planning. my OB brought this up at our last visit, what kind of contraception we would want after this baby is born and how many children we would want altogether and when we would want our next one. 

 

we haven't really thought about it. i could go back to the mini pill, it has worked for me with no problem. however, it kind of feels weird to be going back to contraception after having had a baby.. talked to DF about it afterwards and he said he wouldn't know why we would wait to have another child. 

 

we think we'd want about 3 children, if possible. this one's our first.

 

how is everybody else feeling about this? how about you mamas who already have children? how long did you wait after your first one till you were TTC again? and the new mamas, do you know what you're gonna do after you've had your first?

post #2 of 20

I've known for a few months now that I want to go on the Paraguard IUD. We were using Natural Family Planning for the past few years to prevent and to conceive but this pregnancy ended up being a surprise. Somehow I miscalculated my ovulation and well..here I am. I personally don't like the idea of hormonal birth control, so after looking at all the non-HBC options I like the copper IUD option best. 

 

I am not one of these women who enjoy pregnancy. I don't want anymore kids....at least not so close together. I still don't know FOR SURE if I want one more or not. We were planning on TTC this fall and then have a Spring 2014 baby but that's obviously not happening.  If I were DEAD POSITIVE on wanting no more I would look into getting the permanent birth control, Essure but since I'm still wishy washy I'll go with the IUD which is good for 10 years. 

 

I was EBF my daughter about 9 months before my period came back, it was all over the place but with NFP I was able to know when I was ovulating. For whatever reason in December I dropped the ball and got pregnant when my daughter was 17/18 months old. 

post #3 of 20

We're planning one more for sure since we are adamant that we don't want an only child but we're undecided whether 2 or 3 is a good endpoint. I think the agreement now is to "get to two and decide from there".
I'll probably go back on the pill afterwards. I don't have the dedication to do any kind of cycle tracking and we both hate condoms. My husband has agreed to get a vasectomy whenever we're done having babies.

post #4 of 20

I am planning on getting a copper IUD after having this baby.  Anyone know how soon you can get one after having a baby?

 

This pregnancy was unplanned.  My partner and I had discussed having kids, but pretty abstractly and thinking 2 or 3 years down the line.  And on the contraceptive front we were just being plain careless.  But after discussions with him and a lot of personal reflection, I decided I wanted to have this baby and we are very excited about becoming parents.

 

When I mention another baby to DP, he looks at me like I'm crazy and says we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves and should see how we do with one first.  I've always had a bit of a bias against only children and imagined myself having at least 2, no more than 3.  And honestly, knowing it's a boy doesn't disappoint me, but I would love to have a mother-daughter relationship one day.  But, my partner and I are both sure that we would want to wait a little bit and feel like we are on better financial ground before having a second.  So that means making damn sure that the second one is planned.  Which is why the copper IUD seems like a good option to me, though sometimes I feel like it will be a waste of its 10-year staying power if I might just get it taken out after a couple years.

post #5 of 20
We'll either be doing a diaphragm or condoms.

My oldest was a surprise when I was 20. I then experienced secondary infertility and had to use Fertility meds in order to conceive my three younger children. Birth control wasn't anything I've thought about for quite some time, so this pregnancy was a shock for sure. It's occurred to me that the fertility issues I had were more an issue with XH or me and XH combined, so because of that, I'm freaked out at the idea of being surprised with another surprise pregnancy too soon after this baby.

I can't do hormonal BC, and since we possibly would like to have one more child, neither of us are wanting to do anything permanent yet. If we do have another or decide we're done, DF will probably get a vasectomy, because I'm afraid of getting my tubes tied because of possible hormonal implications. Plus, it's a less expensive and invasive procedure for him.
post #6 of 20
DH is willing, thank the stars, to do the big V. I just had this chat w my OB, who recommended a couple of people in her same office building. I'm glad we have names, because I cannot see DH really doing the research on this one.

I'm so grateful he is willing. This bebé is DEFINITELY our last.
Edited by cmu204 - 7/12/13 at 6:28am
post #7 of 20
I never planned on having any children. I got divorced and met my DB and that all changed pretty quick lol. We don't know if we want more than one yet, money issues and I really don't like actually being pregnant need to be considered. Also my age is against me, so if we do decide we want more we gotta do it quick, so it would be soon after this one.
post #8 of 20
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Ana View Post

I was EBF my daughter about 9 months before my period came back, it was all over the place but with NFP I was able to know when I was ovulating. For whatever reason in December I dropped the ball and got pregnant when my daughter was 17/18 months old. 

 

EBF? NFP?

 

anyone have a rough timeline, if you do want another child? 

 

it's kind of strange to me that you would be immediately fertile again after just having given birth. nature is weird sometimes.

 

has anyone of the not-so-new moms gone without contraception after birth and just left it up to "fate" when the next one would come around? i feel most like doing this, although it took us only a month to conceive this child, so it might just happen right away again and i'm not sure if i shouldn't plan for a little break in between to get used to being a parent and all. 

 

i'm also considering my career / professional development. my plan right now is to go back to grad school when this baby is a year old.. so if i got pregnant right away again, those plans might go out the window and i'm not sure that would be in my best interest. on the other hand, i'm 31 now (#1 due on my 32nd BD) so i'm wondering how much time we do have in between babies if we actually want 3 of them altogether.

 

DF's mom had two kids pretty close to each other, waited until they were toddlers, and then went back to grad school. considering that option too but i'm already so antsy about my career it might just not work for me. 

post #9 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilmamita View Post

I am planning on getting a copper IUD after having this baby.  Anyone know how soon you can get one after having a baby?

 

This pregnancy was unplanned.  My partner and I had discussed having kids, but pretty abstractly and thinking 2 or 3 years down the line.  And on the contraceptive front we were just being plain careless.  But after discussions with him and a lot of personal reflection, I decided I wanted to have this baby and we are very excited about becoming parents.

 

When I mention another baby to DP, he looks at me like I'm crazy and says we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves and should see how we do with one first.  I've always had a bit of a bias against only children and imagined myself having at least 2, no more than 3.  And honestly, knowing it's a boy doesn't disappoint me, but I would love to have a mother-daughter relationship one day.  But, my partner and I are both sure that we would want to wait a little bit and feel like we are on better financial ground before having a second.  So that means making damn sure that the second one is planned.  Which is why the copper IUD seems like a good option to me, though sometimes I feel like it will be a waste of its 10-year staying power if I might just get it taken out after a couple years.

 

I'm pretty positive 6 weeks post partum it can be done. Paraguard's website might be more specific or you can talk to your dr, but I'm almost positive I have read 6 weeks. 

post #10 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by vc2013 View Post

 

how is everybody else feeling about this? how about you mamas who already have children? how long did you wait after your first one till you were TTC again? and the new mamas, do you know what you're gonna do after you've had your first?

I got a copper IUD (Paraguard) when DS was 7 weeks old. Painless, simple, had normal periods and then waited til DS was 2.5 to remove it. Took 1.5 years TTC this baby, but who knows why? I got pregnant with DS about 7 cycles after removing my first IUD (a Mirena). 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilmamita View Post

I am planning on getting a copper IUD after having this baby.  Anyone know how soon you can get one after having a baby?

You can get a copper IUD at your 6 week postpartum checkup.  I've also seen them placed at the end of a cesarean birth, but there is a much greater risk of expulsion while the uterus is still actively involuting to regular size/position, so it's rare a provider would agree to this. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by vc2013 View Post

 

EBF? NFP?

 

anyone have a rough timeline, if you do want another child? 

 

it's kind of strange to me that you would be immediately fertile again after just having given birth. nature is weird sometimes.

 

has anyone of the not-so-new moms gone without contraception after birth and just left it up to "fate" when the next one would come around? i feel most like doing this, although it took us only a month to conceive this child, so it might just happen right away again and i'm not sure if i shouldn't plan for a little break in between to get used to being a parent and all. 

EBF=exclusive breast feeding (usually has a contraceptive effect if breastfeeding around the clock without supplements or foods)  NFP=natural family planning (cycle awareness, "charting")

Nature is weird sometimes! My SIL was pregnant again at her 6 week PP visit after her first child was born!  Yikes.  

 

AFM, I don't have a plan yet. Since it took so long TTC this baby, I'm leaning toward doing NFP/cycle awareness/charting to avoid. We haven't shut the door to 3 kids, but we're with katalopolis in that we'll get to 2 and see how we feel.  It's really important to me to have a full year or more nursing this new baby without another pregnancy impacting things, but I don't want to wait too long (I'll be 36 this fall), especially if it may take another lengthy TTC period.  So, I'm not sure if another IUD is a great choice for me since we might have that tiny glimmer of a third kid.  But, I'm not doing hormonal birth control ever again, and we're not really responsible with barriers, so...shrug.gif

post #11 of 20
I am also totally against ever doing hormonal bc again, after years of the pill and a nightmare experience with the mirena IUD. I'm scared of the paragard because people I know IRL have had a hard time with it. I am interested in NFP, but I really, really do not want to have any more kids after this, and I'm afraid I might screw up, or get impulsive.

So we are probably going the vasectomy route. DP is willing, but I want to look into it a little more. I understand that men develop ani sperm antibodies after vasectomy, and they can even run a risk of autoimmune issues. I have been putting off doing any real research, but the time is drawing near! Gotta make some decisions.
post #12 of 20

I'll never use hormonal bc again. For avoidance and achievement of pregnancy so far in our marriage (5.5 years) we've charted and used condoms. We use condoms all the time until I can reliably chart after having a baby.  We basically use the Fertility Awareness Method.  Our first baby was a total surprise, we still don't know what happened with the timing, LOL, but our second and this baby were conceived the very month we started trying.

post #13 of 20

DH and I used condoms religiously from the start. I had gone off the pill years before that when I was in a previous relationship because it just killed my sex drive.

For now we'll go back to condoms. DH is pretty sure at this point that he only wants one but I don't think he's ready to have a vasectomy. Personally I could take or leave pregnancy but I'd love to have 2. In my dream scenario we would win the lottery and then we could just adopt without having to worry about the cost! winky.gif

post #14 of 20

Hormonal birth control is out of the question, since it basically killed my libido and it took me 6 months to get a period after it. We've been doing FAM (fertility awareness - basically charting fertility signs and using another contraception method during fertile times) for the last couple of years and were pretty happy with it, so we'll probably go back to that. The copper IUD sounds good, but we know we want at least another child in the next few years (not sure if 2 or 3 is our goal, but at least two relatively close together), and FAM wasn't really that much trouble.

post #15 of 20

There's no way I would use anything hormonal again. This is our last child, so my partner is apparently going to look into a vasectomy but I think he is concerned about possible side effects. It would help if he actually got round to looking into it in the first place though! Failing that it'll be condoms and NFP.

post #16 of 20

as lesbians, we have sort of the opposite kind of family planning to do. our donor for the twins went into "sibling inventory only" and he is no longer active. so we kind of have to decide now if we want to have more kids, how many, and plunk down thousands of bucks to ensure that we have those options in the future. both of us feel kind of like we might want to have one more and kind of like we might be done. i wish i knew if it would feel like someone is missing after the twins are born. i don't want to spend a fortune on frozen sperm we will never use, and i also really really don't want to live with the regret of not being able to try for one more. i have no idea what we are going to do. 

post #17 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by vc2013 View Post

 

EBF? NFP?

 

anyone have a rough timeline, if you do want another child? 

 

it's kind of strange to me that you would be immediately fertile again after just having given birth. nature is weird sometimes.

 

has anyone of the not-so-new moms gone without contraception after birth and just left it up to "fate" when the next one would come around? i feel most like doing this, although it took us only a month to conceive this child, so it might just happen right away again and i'm not sure if i shouldn't plan for a little break in between to get used to being a parent and all. 

 

i'm also considering my career / professional development. my plan right now is to go back to grad school when this baby is a year old.. so if i got pregnant right away again, those plans might go out the window and i'm not sure that would be in my best interest. on the other hand, i'm 31 now (#1 due on my 32nd BD) so i'm wondering how much time we do have in between babies if we actually want 3 of them altogether.

 

DF's mom had two kids pretty close to each other, waited until they were toddlers, and then went back to grad school. considering that option too but i'm already so antsy about my career it might just not work for me. 

 

If we do want a third I'd like to wait at least 3-5 years. I'll be in my early thirties by then. 

 

If a woman is exclusively breastfeeding (EBF), she should not be IMMEDIATELY pregnant as long as she doesn't supplement with formula, use pacifiers, or go more than (I think) 3 hours between feedings. I did all that and was fine until my DD was around 9ish months when I got my first period, which meant I ovulated sometime in my 8th month postpartum. At that point we had introduced a sippy cup and some solid foods, so I was no longer being used a pacifier and her sole source of food, even though she still nursed like crazy. From there my cycles were pretty irregular still for about four months and didn't become "regular" until last August. 

 

I have heard of women getting pregnant like one month postpartum, however I don't know if they were nursing or formula feeding, how often, using a pacifier, all that jazz so I honestly don't know how common that is. Most everything I have seen in natural communities and in families that use Natural Family Planning (NFP)  is that they can track their ovulation and avoid pregnancy fairly easily once they get an understanding of what the ovulation signs are. If it's something you want to do I would recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Also if you have a Catholic Church in your community you can go to the church office and ask if they have any Natural Family Planning class. the CC is a big supporter of NFP and I know when we were taking our "marriage classes" they gave us a run down on NFP and if we wanted to take a full class they were offering one. 

 

For me I'm a pretty fertile myrtle, I've been pregnant three times. The first was a total accident and I terminated, I'm not looking for a pro-life/pro-choice debate, just stating a fact and sharing my story. The second time I got pregnant my husband and I were using natural family planning for about a year to avoid pregnancy and the MONTH we decided to try and get pregnant we did. This pregnancy wasn't planned so once again I got pregnant easily. Even though NFP worked for us for quite awhile I just don't trust myself as much anymore, after this little surprise so BC is my best option. I also feel bad that my daughter's nursing relationship was cut short. She's handled weaning just fine but I know she misses it and wasn't totally ready to stop. I don't wanna do that to another nurser. 

 

So yeah...over share but that's pretty much all teh ancedotal and learned knowledge i have on NFP and my personal story. :D

post #18 of 20
I am completely on the fence about whether or not we will try for a third. Being pregnant is not my favorite thing at all. But, if I feel like there is someone missing after this one then I would be willing to do it again. I refuse to do hormonal bc ever again. I am allergic to most anyways and the one I was able to use after dd made me crazy. Depressed. No sex drive. Mood swings. Weight gain. I had a mirena Iud placed at my 6 week post partum appt and ended up having it removed 3 months later. I hated it. Bled the whole time and it ended up turning in and causing pain. So I went on the pill and was a basket case. We got pregnant when dd was 17 months. It was planned, but ideally we were going to wait until August 2013 to start trying. But because I have abnormal cervical cells that change from minor displaysia to Pre cancerous pretty quickly we decided to jump the gun. So, if we decide we want a third we'd most likely have to do it within 2 years after this one because the more procedures I have done on my cervix to keep the cells in check the higher the risk of cervical incompetence I have. It luckily hasn't been an issue this time so I'm more confident now that if we really want a third we should be able to have one. Dh is content with 2 though, so I guess we'll see. I am planning to do NFP for prevention this time and if after 2 years we decide we are done dh will get a vasectomy or I might just get a hysterectomy so I don't have to deal with cervix issue anymore.
post #19 of 20
Our family doctor teaches NFP using the Creighton Method. From what she's told me about it there's no temp charting, but basically just checking cervical fluid along with other signs. Ideally, this is what I would go with, but probably not until this baby is at least a year. Pregnancy can be pretty hard on me-especially early-and I don't want to still be dealing with an infant or even younger toddler and pregnant. That's why I'm afraid to mess around after the baby with BC. Once we decided that it'd be ok if I were to get pregnant and stopped preventing it was only 3 months until I was pregnant. Again, after dealing with fertility issues for a decade-I was gobsmacked! When I mentioned to my mom and sister that we weren't using anything to prevent anymore and then eventually I'd probably seek out meds again they both made comments like what if it was my XH with the issues-not me. I'm thinking they were right. But because I have weird cycles, I assumed it was me. DF likes to think its really that he has super sperm.

He absolutely wants one more. I'm nervous. The older I get the harder pregnancy has been. In another 3 years I'll be 35, and that's about as old as I'd like to be pregnant, so we will see. After each kid I have reached the point where it always seemed like a kid was missing. They'd all be right there but I would feel like wait, where's the other one. That's when we would generally start talking about and trying for Another baby. So I'm interested to see if that happens again, because I've had more thoughts of being done this time than previously, but I've also been more worn out this time.
post #20 of 20
Thread Starter 

NFP sounds like a good way to go actually since we do want at least one more child. i just would have to get the timing straight. if i plan on going back to school in a year, i might do the pill for a year first. i think DF wouldn't want to wait at all, but i have to take my career aspirations into account too. i don't want to end up a SAHM against my will or intentions.

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