So without going into too much detail.... My step daughter confided in me over a year ago that she was in love with my son. I was shocked, yet spoke with her very calmly about why it was not okay to pursue this kind of a relationship with her step brother, etc. etc.. She informed me that she didn't care, she was going to do whatever it took to make him fall in love with her. We discussed this with her therapist, who made light of it at first, and she talked to her about it. In addition, I talked to my son about it, and he told me that she was pursuing him, he didn't want anything to do with her and he would avoid her. I have checked in with him over time and he reported that she was leaving him alone. We thought things had resolved.
I was with my DS last night when he received a text from my step daughter asking if he was a virgin. I asked him for his ipod, and while he was logging in, he cleared everything from her. I was shocked, and knew right away that something was up. I went to my step daughter and asked for her ipod and saw everything for the past 6 months that has been going on between them. I am so grateful that I saw this when I did, because nothing has happened other than suggestions.
I am heartbroken and sickened. I have lost all trust in my son. The texts appear to be her pursuing him, however he tells her that it will have to be kept secret, and he'll have to act mean towards her so no one suspects. He was the one that initially made suggestions to her (according to her). I have spent years and years talking about appropriate behaviors, boundaries, telling the truth, etc.. My son is a really good kid and this makes me sick. I get that this can be common among step siblings, but we have set up an environment of love and respect for each other as a family. We have discussed this many times over the past year or so, and the rules and boundaries were very clear.
So what do we do? How do we handle this situation? Both my son and step daughter have a history of depression and SI so I don't want to live in fear of what they might do if this blows up, but I also feel there needs to be some consequences. Thanks for reading, and thanks for any insight!