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Potty training issues

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 

My ds is 3 and a 1/3 yrs old. He is great at peeing in the toilet but he STILL won't poop in anything but his diaper!!! I posted about this like three months ago- and with a LOT of coaxing we managed like two times to get him to poop in the toilet=- then not since then!


I am not sure what to do.


I just ordered a couple kids pooping books (everybody poops or whatever that is called).


Ds is in underwear allday, perfect at peeing in the toilet or outside. But he always asks for a diaper to poop. Still!


He is so smart and talks perfectly and can figure out really complicated things- but still wants to poop in his diaper. We put a diaper on him to sleep still- and often times he poops in it in the morning.

We have tried all the different potties and the regular toilet and the seats that go on the regular toilet.


I think he feels like maybe the toilet is dirty (even though I clean it a few times a week and it isn't that dirty!) but he mentions that sometimes when he is peeing in the toilet.


We (dh and I) tired rewards, we tried encouragement, we tried to be firm-- nothing. Now we are currently backing off as it is exhausting- and just letting him poop in his diaper.


The other day, in the evening time, he said he had to poop- anddh and I kept trying to encourage him to poop in the potty- and we held out for like a few hours or whatever with not putting a diaper on him- but he wouldn't do it- then finally I just felt bad for him so I put a diaper on him and he pooped right away.


The irony is that I read all about Elimination Communication when I was pregnant and was sure I  would have a fully potty trained kid by 2. We didn't do so well with the EC.


I am happy he is peeing in the toilet fully and can be in underwear all day. But I am not sure what to do about the pooping! I posted a similar thread before but as he gets older I am even more concerned that I am just missing some essential way to get him to poop on the potty.


What should I do?? Should I be firm and not put a diaper on him? I don't want him to start withholding poop, he has never done that and I fear that would create an unhealthy situation.


When he poops he likes to do it standing up with a diaper on. So it is awkward for him when we tell him to sit on the potty.


He is so smart and aware and understands the concept- he just doesn't like to do it.


I need some concrete suggestions, please, from people who have had a three yr old poop in the potty resister-- what finally got your kid to poop in the potty? He likes to play when he is pooping -like do a puzzle or something to relax himself. We have tried bringing books or toys in the bathroom, sitting next to him, giving him space- all of it. Nothing is working yet and I really would like to get over this hurdle. thanks

post #2 of 29

Following!  lurk.gif

My youngest will  be three in August and he isnt even peeing in the potty yet!  To make matters worse - he is huge for his age - over 60 lbs 41" tall (although the height helps!)  so wrestling him into size 6 diapers for the last year is leaving me exhausted!   Because he was so big, i started 'training' him at about 18 months - at that point, he was about 40 lbs - he was to big /tall for the little potty - the potty seat was not really better - but he would sit on it, we read stories, sang songs - he never once went ....we kept him naked for hours and he would just hold it - at that age he lacked communication skills to ask for a diaper - and sometimes i noticed i would put one on him and then it would take him nearly an hour to go -

Since it seemed like he was intentionally witholding we just plain stopped - started again not too long ago - or tried to - now he refuses to sit on the potty at all - he is tall enough to stand in front of it to pee - he will stand there for about 30 seconds - maybe once or twice a week.  He is still very good at not going on the floor - but he will NOT go in the potty.

We havent tried bribing him - but he seems like he wouldnt understand the concept -  He is the baby and the first child i have been able to stay home with - to say he has been 'doted on' is an understatement! 

He likes videos and loves books - i bought a few but always looking for good recommendations -= anyone find cloth made a big difference?  I used to make my own for him and i could go back to it.  At this point i was afraid the cloth diaper would be too similar to underwear  - although i am shocked every day that i can still get those disposables on him!

post #3 of 29
Thread Starter 

I've been thinking about my issue a lot and talking to some ppl and I think I am gonna just continue to lay off the pressure and be mellow about it!

post #4 of 29
Originally Posted by Snapdragon View Post

I've been thinking about my issue a lot and talking to some ppl and I think I am gonna just continue to lay off the pressure and be mellow about it!


That's what I would do, honestly.  If you don't have a pressing need for him to go on the potty (i.e. school), I would really try the mellow approach.

post #5 of 29

My 4.5 yo son is only very recently fully potty trained. He is very intense in personality, and we are very laid back parents, so we let him set the pace. What finally helped was peer support (not pressure.) We eat dinner as a large family at my mom's every day with my sister and her seven kids. The bathroom is off limits for playing as it has become a problem before and it's in high demand. My sister's kids are not allowed to go in together because they cause trouble. But I allowed one child at a time to accompany my son to help him whenever he was interested. Apparently it was so fun that he wanted to do it all the time. He soon began wearing underwear over there every day, and not long after ditched diapers completely. I truly feel like I had almost nothing to do with it. It wasn't ideal having him train so late, but his personality demanded it. He probably would have trained earlier if he hadn't regressed after the births of both of his younger brothers. He held onto diapers for poop the longest, but when I showed him how to use family cloth, that was so exciting that he decided he wanted to poop on the potty. He also does a great job of keeping himself clean. I'm so relieved. Plus, his younger brother wants to jump on board too, and he's not even 2!

post #6 of 29
Thread Starter 

But, if I DID want to move it along- what can I do? I literally don't know what to do to get him to poop in the potty. He totally GETS it he just doesn't WANT to Right now we are backing off. He asks for a diaper to poop and dh and I say, please try on the toilet/potty and ds says NO!!!! I don't WANT TO!!!! etc so we say, okay and we put a diaper on hi,.


He is meeting every other milestone magnificently- I am just not sure how to move this along! Any tips?

post #7 of 29

I am in the middle of potty training my 26 mth old and I hear you! My son ran and hid from me in a tube at the playground today when he started pooping so that I was unable to get him out and take him to the bathroom! I am pregnant so there was no way I was able to quickly squeeze in there after him!  I am sorry it is so frustrating for you! (I'm with you!!!)


Maybe the next hurdle should be working on getting him out of diapers/pull ups at night time so that he realizes there is no more 'back up' place to poop. If its only underwear all the time, he will eventually have an accident in his undies (the best thing that could happen would be that you catch him getting ready to have an accident in his undies) and run him to the bathroom quickly to finish. You might have to clean up some poopy underwear for awhile but it would be worth it to be totally potty trained!  If he would start refusing to go and holding it, you could try apple juice or prune juice so that you're pretty much guaranteed to get a chance to practice running to the bathroom?


And maybe a jar of his favorite candy or treat sitting right on the bathroom counter so there's instant gratification for going #2 on the potty!

post #8 of 29

I know this is gross, but....


If "dirty" is a problem, would he go in a bowl? Like a white paper/cardboard disposable bowl that you throw away? I'm cringing just suggesting it, b/c I don't use disposable ANYTHING but if it's a dirty/reuse problem for him, maybe that's the way to go? ECers use all kinds of bowls, buckets, pails, whatever to catch pee and poop from their babies before they're big enough to sit on the potty. Since he likes to do it standing, you could have him go outside and poop out there, then once he's comfortable doing that, you could slip a bowl under him while he's going to catch it, and let him see how nicely that works... Then from there you can help him transition to the potty. He might have fun emptying it into the big potty and flushing it down. (We say "goodbye" to EVERY drop of pee and poop in our house... :| )

post #9 of 29

I might consider asking him to sit on the big toilet while he is going in his diaper. That seems like a good compromise that will move him in the direction of using the toilet.  Or, if you are cloth (or not, you could switch), you could do the whole flushable liner thing, which he could empty into the toilet, he could wipe himself and flush and everything.


I have managed to "trick" my DCs into using the big toilet by just putting them on there "just for a second" and then kind of busying myself around the bathroom. If they go, great, otherwise, I just thank them for sitting there. Maybe you could trick your DS to sit on the toilet while you get the diaper - the first time, just go quickly get it. Then maybe take a bit longer and remind him quickly that he can go on the toilet if he can't wait.  


Sort of like, "Oh, you have to poop? Ok, the toilet is right there. I'm going to set you down on the toilet real quick and go find the diapers." 


One more thought...  Is it possible that your DC needs to go in a intervals and fears needing to go back to the toilet a few times?  My DC goes like that and I could see it getting stressful for a kid who is already a bit overwhelmed. Maybe remind him that he can try and go back as many times as he wants. Play close to the toilet. 


Maybe even make running to the toilet a exaggerated game so he knows he can get there for the urge. 


Ok, those are my thoughts. Good luck! 

post #10 of 29
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the suggestion! He is3 yrs and 5 months and STILL pooping in his diaper :( much to my dismay!


I just got him a "motorcycle potty" today- he likes to ride pretend motorcycles-- and he is riding around it. But not pooping in it.


I thought I would lay a diaper down on it open so he could poop on the open diaper but he wouldn't do it.


I have tired to get him to poop in his diaper in the bathroom but he won't.




I try telling him all his friends poop in the toilet- no go.


He just wants to poop in his diaper! ugh!!!! He is great at peeing- and now is on a very clear pooping schedule (of his own design) in which he poops in the morning a lot and a little at night just before bed. Somehow he developed that pattern. It is good because he starts preschool in a month and if he is not potty trained by then at least he will likely poop in the diaper before school. So he can be in underwear at school ( he is just there in the morning 3 days a week). HIs preschool teacher said it was okay. and not to pressure him.


sigh-- he is able to hold his poop till he gets a diaper on-- he keeps saying, I will poop in the toilet/potty pretty soon- just let me poop in a diaper.


ugh. I am getting tired of changing poopy diapers!!

identiyty crises mom-- I do like some of your suggestions! I could try to put him on the big toilet while he is pooping in his diaper-- I will try that tomorrow!!!

I could also try to put him on the toilet while I get the diapers but he is pretty opinionated and may not comply!

post #11 of 29
Does he like to watch TV? Maybe next time he asks for a diaper to poop ask him to sit on the potty for just a minute. Turn the TV on and he might zone out and relax enough to poop.
post #12 of 29
Originally Posted by Snapdragon View Post

sigh-- he is able to hold his poop till he gets a diaper on-- he keeps saying, I will poop in the toilet/potty pretty soon- just let me poop in a diaper.


Aw...what a love!!  Yes, maybe back-off as your instincts are telling you.  After all, he WILL stop using diapers sometime soon (in the grand scheme of things).  

post #13 of 29
Thread Starter 

I know- it is funny because he is so smart- he totally gets it-- I wonder if he feels like a diaper is cleaner than the toilet like it contains the poop? He doesn't really watch tv. He actually likes to stand up and do puzzles at the low table while pooping in his diaper. Like he likes to relax in that way I guess. I tried giving him various toys and distractions on the toilet but he just won't do it! MEanwhile peeing he is 100% perfect- no accidents ever. We still put a diaper on him for sleep just in case and then when he needs to poop. I hope maybe by starting preschool the peer influence will help him. He is really into copying other people right now- especially his dad! But not with the pooping. We try- Dad poops on the toilet, you can too! But no go! Frustrating!

post #14 of 29
Been there mama. I tried everything! We tried cutting holes in the bottom to make a "magic diaper" to see if that would help- made sure he only got to have his diaper if he was in the bathroom next to the potty, tired offering a favorite reward, lots of stuff. Finally shortly after 4th birthday (after prepping him everyday for several months) we just used the last "daytime diaper" - he still had night wetting so we couldn't take all away. He cried a little about it the first day, but the next day and there after was fine. This I have learned is very typical for my son and his learning style. He is 9 now and in many ways we consider him our baby bird- we know he is able to fly and ultimately we just need to nudge him out I the nest. He has shown the same unwillingness to practice or be a beginner at something- he expects himself to have mastery- so he resists. We need to push him more than our other son, but we have learned from him that it is what he needs from us. Good luck!
post #15 of 29
Thread Starter 

Slight progress- last night and today he tried for a good while to sit on the big toilet and poop- no success yet but at least he is willing to try!

post #16 of 29
Originally Posted by Snapdragon View Post

Slight progress- last night and today he tried for a good while to sit on the big toilet and poop- no success yet but at least he is willing to try!

Great!!  Maybe remind him that it's easiest to go as soon as he has the urge (which may be why he likes the diaper). Maybe ask him if he can try to sit on the potty again when he gets the urge but reassure him that if he needs he can have the diaper after a try on the toilet. It sounds like he's so close! Yay! 

post #17 of 29

My three year old is slow to learn as well. Some days, he's fantastic- telling us he needs to go (usually pee), even when we are out and about. Other days, he goes in his diaper and when we ask, "Why did you do that? Just tell us and we'll take you to the potty!" he replies, "Because I WANTED TO (go in my diaper)." Sigh.

If he is pantsless, he will go in the potty. But if he is wearing a diaper, chances are he will forget, choose to go in them, or something.

We have tried incentives (he got some My Little Ponys, a trip to the dinosaur exhibit at the zoo, etc.), but still we are in limbo. Any suggestions?

post #18 of 29
Thread Starter 

 little by little as he gets bigger I think he is getting it. I think it just feels uncomfortable for him. At least he is willing to try now. wrote an update but it felt like tmi so deleted it!

Edited by Snapdragon - 8/12/13 at 2:34pm
post #19 of 29
Thread Starter 

Random pooping in the potty success today!


Ds had been trying for a couple of days and willing to sit on the toilet and try but it was long times and nothing was happening and it led to two days of not pooping. Then we backed off for two days and did diapers again.


Then today he was playing at his grandma's house (with dh there and not me) and was just in underwear,( and clothes- I just mean no diaper- he never wears a diaper anymore in the day) playing outside- and dh says ds said I have to poop- so they went into the toilet and ds pooped in it! yay!


Ds has been asking to wear underwear to bed rather than a diaper- and even though we put a diaper on him at night for pee accidents we had been sort of using it as a thing- when you poop in the toilet you can wear underwear to bed-- so tonight he said- now I can wear underwear to bed! I guess he feels excited about that-! Hope the mattress stays dry- I felt like I had to follow through with what we said! So we'll see how he does with pooping in the potty from here on out but this is a good step.

post #20 of 29

Yay for gentle potty training!!  Here's to night time success! At this point, if I were you, I would be tempted to just say that the diapers are done and that "he can do this!" and just deal with any set-backs or accidents as part of the process of not wearing diapers. Good luck, mama! 

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