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Tiny Tirant?

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

I am the non-custodial parent of an 11 year old boy who lives in a different state. Due to circumstances, it's been a year since I've seen him and I have an upcoming visit with him soon. He has a tablet which he plays video games on and I asked if he was bringing it. His dad said he wasn't sure but that if he does there is a rule that no one can play with it except him. This is because he apparently is very posessive of it and flipped out because one of his cousins tossed it on the couch after using it.

 

I'm not really sure how I feel about all of this. For one I don't like my ex telling me what the rules are as if *I* also must comply with him. On the other hand, I don't exactly believe in "Forced" sharing for the most part. I always was taught you "had" to share but when I visited a preschool class one of my kids were in I realized that the teachers always had the kids ask to share and the original kid always had the option.

 

Now as an aside, I would like to point out that I hate to let anyone use my phone, I don't let kids play games on it (and I get a lot of requests) and I rarely let anyone use my laptop and when they do it's a guest account. So I understand, for me, electronics are personal belongings. I get that.

 

I just am not sure how I feel about this. What do  you think and what would you do if you were in this situation?

post #2 of 12

First of all, it's your choice whether or not he shares at your house.  If he doesn't want to share, perhaps he shouldn't bring it.  That being said, if you do want it at your house and don't want him to have to share, perhaps he can use it only when he's alone, in a certain room, where it's not making anyone else jealous? 

post #3 of 12
Why are you calling your son a tyrant?
post #4 of 12
I think that at 11 he should be allowed to have personal possessions he is in control of. That seems pretty normal to me. I hope you enjoy your visit with him!
post #5 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by kblackstone444 View Post

First of all, it's your choice whether or not he shares at your house.  If he doesn't want to share, perhaps he shouldn't bring it.  That being said, if you do want it at your house and don't want him to have to share, perhaps he can use it only when he's alone, in a certain room, where it's not making anyone else jealous? 

That sounds entirely reasonable.

With my kids, I had them put away "toys they don't want to share" for playdates and family visits. No special gadgets=no jealousy.
post #6 of 12

How old are the kids you would expect him to "share" with? 

 

However, if this were MY kid? I'd tell them that they'd be wise to leave anything they didn't want to share at home. Especially if the other kids believe that they have a right to "share" anything. 

post #7 of 12

It seems like you and his father are basically in agreement that the tablet is a personal belonging that your son doesn't have to share. much like your phone or laptop. The issue is that you resent the way the father told you about his rule. He was out of line speaking to you as though you must do things his way.

 

As the custodial parent in my family, my perception of my ex's relationship with the kids is that he's out of touch with the minutia of their lives... when there's a certain way of doing things that saves everyone a headache, it's really hard not to pass that information along. I've even had my kids request that I tell him things like they don't want him to make them share drinks he should buy 2, and they should take turns picking a song to play in the car. I told them that that's the sort of thing they're going to have to work out with him on their own, but maybe your ex felt that your son needed some help speaking up? He might just be trying to make his son's visit with his mom go a little more smoothly and unfortunately he chose the wrong words. 

post #8 of 12
Thread Starter 

Yes I think you hit the nail on the head.  Trust me this is just one instance where he has spoken to me like this. He's pretty convinced that he's the only one with a brain in the world. I just needed some outside perspectives to help me see the situation clearly. thank you all very much. :)

post #9 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by BAREF00TM0MMA View Post

Yes I think you hit the nail on the head.  Trust me this is just one instance where he has spoken to me like this. He's pretty convinced that he's the only one with a brain in the world. I just needed some outside perspectives to help me see the situation clearly. thank you all very much. :)


Maybe he is angry because he hasn't seen his mom in over a year?  I would be extending a lot of grace in this situation to him - he is, after all, the child.

post #10 of 12
Thread Starter 

No, it's not my son who spoke to me that way, it's his father.

post #11 of 12
Thread Starter 

And the reason that I haven't seen him in a year is because his dad moved out of state and has stalled, canceled and stonewalled visitation with one excuse after another. I finally said he could make visitation plans with me or I could go to the friend of the court on Monday and suddenly he decided to be a little more reasonable. 

post #12 of 12
I apologise then. Sorry for your troubles.
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