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When will you tell older siblings (or have you already?)

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 

I am debating about this. My boys are 10 and 8. We did not tell them the last time I was pregnant and m/c. I am toying with the idea of telling them after my u/s on the 25th. If all is well, I'll be 7 weeks. Both are definitely old enough to understand the idea that sometimes things don't work out (my oldest spent the end of last school year studying DNA- his choice!)... and I think it's perfectly healthy for them to understand loss and see how we approach it if I were to m/c again. I think my bigger concern is them blabbing to people we don't want to tell yet... my 8 y/o in particular. I'm especially hesitant for my ex (their dad) to know just yet. Very few people even knew we were trying and with my cardiac history there's always alot of questions, etc... I'm just not quite ready for that yet, until we know we have a sticky bean.

 

How are you handling it?

post #2 of 31
We were going to wait until before my first appt (around 11 weeks), but now I am leaning toward telling them sooner. I am so sick and tired, it seems like they deserve to know why... But they are both blabber mouths, so I'm not sure... My boys are 8&6.
post #3 of 31
Thread Starter 

Yeah, we're right on the cusp of being able to keep a secret. I am quite sure the 10 y/o could, but not the younger one...!
 

post #4 of 31

I'm itching to tell our son, and I think we'll have to relatively soon, but DH really wants to wait. Pretty sure DS wouldn't be able to keep it secret though, and I wouldn't even feel right asking him to keep it secret. So really, will probably tell him as well as most others around the 12 wk mark.

post #5 of 31
We've told my oldest. She's 13. My youngest is 3 yrs old. We'll probably tell her after Christmas. I just wonder if I tell her now if she'll think the baby is coming soon and we have such a long time to go.
post #6 of 31

My daughter, age six, walked into my bedroom as I came out of the bathroom with my test in my hand and tears rolling down my face.  She found out right away.  She told my son and at age three, he didn't get it.  The first trimester has been a time of great fatigue for me with my kids.  So I want them to know why I don't have as much energy and that they need to be gentle.
 

post #7 of 31

If the kids ask, we won't lie.  But we're not making a big announcement until we see evidence that things are in the right place.  And probably won't tell extended family unless it's obvious (like I'm puking buckets when we have visitors come in in August) until the first trimester is over.
 

post #8 of 31

We wanted to wait until later since i've had miscarriages as well but my eight year old figured it out, and was seriously offended that I was holding out on him. So we told. lol I did explain that potential loss was the reason we wanted to wait in the first place

post #9 of 31
I do feel a bit like I am being dishonest with my 12 year old since we talk about a lot, but I know he'll want to talk with his dad and step-mom about it, and I understand that, but I'm not ready for them to know. I feel like my husband and I are digesting enough right now w/o talking w/ others about it yet. So far I have been thinking 12 weeks, since that's when I told people I was pregnant last time, but that seems forever from now.
post #10 of 31

We told our older DS (age 5) last time at 12 weeks, when we thought it was okay for him to tell others (knew he wouldn't be able to keep a secret). He was very excited. Then, we had a loss, and he was very upset. He was old enough to understand, for the most part, that the baby was not healthy. I'm not sure what we'll do this time. We will probably wait a bit longer if we can...

post #11 of 31
So my 6 and 9 yo were snooping around my nightstand and found the test with the BFP way back in the drawer! Those snoopy gremlins. I just said it was the BFP from when I found out I was pg with my 6 yo. I think they bought it.

I'm not telling them until 12 weeks because 1. in case things don't stick (they love babies) and 2. I don't think they would keep it a secret- I'm not telling anyone else either until 12 weeks.
post #12 of 31
One of my 4 kids knows as of yesterday. Had to take him for an x ray and was outed when the tech asked if I may be pregnant!! So we talked about it and he is cool to keep the secret for awhile. He is almost 15, so I am not too worried about him slipping up.
post #13 of 31

I told my kids last week. This is my fourth child, and I am a small person, and I seriously already look like I'm 4 months pregnant. I popped RIGHT out. My kids started asking if I was pregnant when I was only 5 weeks. We haven't told DP's kids though, as they are on vacation with their mom. My kids are super excited.... DP's kids may not be:/ They a bit older and boys.... and one of them is not my biggest fan greensad.gif. So I'm really, really, really praying that when they get back next week, and DP tells them, that all will go well....praying.gif

post #14 of 31

Even before I got PG, if I ate a large and/or gas-producing meal, my 6 yo would pat my belly and say "baby". But yeah, I'm looking like I've just eaten a large meal all the time these days. I'm not sure if I'll make it to 12 weeks!

post #15 of 31
I'm 7 weeks right now, and we told the kids last week. I've suffered from hyperemesis with my last three pregnancies, so when I started getting pukey we decided to tell them. It's hard to keep it a secret when I'm puking all day long.
post #16 of 31
Definitely not until we are ready to tell everyone. Once I start showing....last time well before 12 weeks.
post #17 of 31

Told the kids yesterday (they were stunned/excited) and then extended family, letting the news filter out as it will after that.  We had our u/s, there's a heartbeat and everything's in the right place for now. 
 

post #18 of 31

Hmmm... so maybe I'm the *weird one* but I told my kids at the same time I told my husband. We have a tradition of telling everyone at the table about "our favorite part of the day" during dinner and when it was my turn, I pulled out the pregnancy test and said that my favorite moment was "right now! seeing your faces!" pandemonium erupted. To be honest, I knew hubby was gonna be kinda freaked out and by including everyone in the announcement it kinda took the pressure off him to "say the right thing". It made it about the family instead of about him and his reaction. My daughter who is nearly 9 screamed an ear piercing scream and then burst into tears of joy... she crawled into my lap and cried. My 7 year old expressed being happy and then went on about his business asking daddy to get out some miniatures to look at. my 3 year old was oblivious, but has since taken to yelling "hello baby!" at my stomach.
 

now, we have as a family experienced the loss of a baby... i miscarried about 4 years ago and it was devastating. Since then, I've given birth which was quite healing. My daughter understands that it *could* happen again, and is afraid of that happening, but we've talked about it. I don't see any point in keeping it secret. I'm likely to be sick and will need everyone's cooperation. We are a family and our entire family is affected by what's happening in my body. So, everyone gets to know.


Banana

post #19 of 31
Thread Starter 
Banana, I don't think that's weird. It's what works for you and your family. I think I would feel pretty similar if there weren't people in my life who I didn't want privvy to personal information.

I ended up telling them after my 7 week u/s as everything looked great. I'm glad I did, because two days later their bio dad dropped the bombshell on them that his latest gf (who he's only been with around 4 months) is due in Feb....I would have felt bad if my news was overshadowed by them already having that odd experience to relate a new sibling to...if that makes sense.
post #20 of 31
We ended up telling the kids when I was 7 weeks because I had been letting it slip to a few people here and there and the kids deserve to know first. We stressed how private it needs to be for now. I took video of us telling them that I will send to the grandparents in a few weeks to make our announcement. Since then my BIL stayed with us for a weekend and DS let something slip, but I just rolled with it and I don't think he would have noticed, except DH got all dramatic and made it obvious! We still didn't tell BIL though smile.gif. I just don't care so much this time.

I am NOT looking forward to all of the "was this a mistake" comments...almost everyone who knows so far has said that greensad.gif. When I look at our DDC and see how many of us have large age gaps between our last and this babe, I think we must not be that strange...but people feel privy to private info. I guess. Shrug.
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