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Is this CIO?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

I am a very gentle mommy and do not believe it CIO at all, just want to start by saying that.

I have a 13 month old son, who has been very difficult to get to bed at night (latley). He gets overtired it seems. This is what has been happening...I watch for his tired cues and then I take him in to nurse him to sleep. What happens is, he nurses and then gets massively recharged and is wired. Its so strange to me. I can tell he is so tired though. So i keep trying to get him to sleep...lay and nurse, tula carrier and nurse, rock and nurse, stand and sway and nurse his 24 pound heavy body. none of this works. I need a break and ask daddy to come in and hold him for a few minutes. For 5 full minutes, he screams for me in his daddy's arms. he is madly in love with daddy and never cries in his arms except in this situation. After about 5 mins of me taking a break, I go in and take over, he falls right to sleep within in minutes of nursing. I feel like it is forcing him to cry, but I don't know what else to do. I've come out with him and let him play and he just acts like a tired wired baby. after awhile of this tired and wired baby, I go back in with him and it is the same thing over again. He nurses and then recharges. I guess, I am wondering if this is mean to do to him. If he is in loving daddy arms and is screaming for me, am I harming his little self in any way? I know sleep begets sleep and I have tried early bed times and it doesn't help at all. It just mean I try to get him to sleep for an extra hour or 2 versus just one solid hour. I know this is all a phase and it will pass, but I am at a loss of what to do. This 5 minute daddy cry session actually really works, but I don't want to do it if it is not fair  to my little guy. Daddy is fully onboard with holding him during ths crying period. We want to tell ourselves this is helping his overtired little self. He also sleeps in bed with us, so he is snuggled close all night long and all needs are responded to all day. He never ever cries. He is the happiest little guy-- hecould play with a crumb for 15 mins. That is how laid back he is. Does this sound terrible for him? I tell myself it makes me a better mommy because I am not getting as frazzled and frusterated at bedtime. 

post #2 of 8

I think you're probably good. If he's resisting sleep, passing him back and forth seems like a sensible plan.

post #3 of 8
We have twins and have to do this and it is miserable but weirdly yes sometimes a cry with daddy does the trick because then when I get them back they go right to sleep. But it just is horrible to pass off my tired baby when u know they want me. For us though we have to do it or one twin keeps the other up.
post #4 of 8

Your son is in his father's arms, it's not CIO.  Sometimes kids need a good cry before they can wind down, my daughter was like that sometimes.  I see no harm in it.

post #5 of 8

I second that it doesn't sound harmful to me. Babies with colic cry nonstop and the advice given is to just be there with them. If it helps, this is how I get my almost 2yo to sleep: I lie down in bed with him in our locked room and nurse him. The room is dark and has a fan on and is babyproofed. If he is being wild, I just let him do what he wants. Usually, he looks out the window a few times, tries to get out of the door a few times, and eventually gives up and lies down with me and sleeps. I guess he just catches the sleep from me. It usually takes about 15-20 minutes, but occasionally takes as long as an hour. I just consider a good chance for me to rest, too.

post #6 of 8
If he is overtired and gets that second wind, maybe start the bed time process earlier and try to catch it before he is visibly tired/ rubbing eyes etc? Many kids seem wired when they are overtired and an earlier bedtime can prevent them from ever getting their second wind.

But no it's not mean to let Dad have a few minutes even if bub is upset, he is crying knowing you will come back to him! We do it too sometimes even if its just so I can brush my teeth before going back to DD, im firmly anti-CIO and she cries if DH goes to her in the night but over time he has figured out how to calm her by playing quietly, playing guitar or showing her pictures of dogs on the iPad haha until I come back.
post #7 of 8
My DD went through a phase where I always had to make her cry if I wanted her to nap. She'd get upset, cry hard, go right to sleep. And that was with me there. There's definitely something about the release of crying that works sometimes. That said, I wonder if you're providing too much stimulation at bedtime through rocking, bouncing, etc.? I know my DD could only fall asleep with bouncing in infancy, but at some point the tables turned and that stuff kept her awake instead.
post #8 of 8
Thread Starter 

Thanks for all of this input. I feel better reading your replies. I know this forum would not let me get away with CIO. I also have a 4 year old who needs me to get her to bed, so it makes things a bit more complicated. My husband travels for work, adding even more complication.

I have tried to get him down earlier and oddly enough, it turns into a late nap for him, if it is before 7pm.

Tonight I went in and nursed him while standing and swaying side to side. This was very hard on me but it worked. I left the room physically exhausted. But at least he was asleep. 

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