or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › What did you learn about birth that you wish someone had told you?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

What did you learn about birth that you wish someone had told you? - Page 2

post #21 of 132

I wish I would have researched more "what if's...."

 

I had a fantastic birth plan with no IVs, eat, drink, walk around during labor, no pain meds, go home 12 hours later... etc... 

 

Then when the time really came to have my baby my water broke, and six hours later I went to the hospital because I wasn't having contractions. Of course they started me on a cascade of interventions leading to a C-Sec. I'll never regret that because me and my baby are happy and healthy, but I wish I was more armed with information about "what if my water breaks and contractions don't start", etc. 

post #22 of 132

I wish I would have known that the entire birth event can be really really fast (even if it's your first time)! Like a lot of you, I was very well read and "prepared" for the birth and was expecting contractions to begin and then become closer together over time.  In actuality, the contractions came out of nowhere and were 30 seconds to 60 seconds apart from the beginning. It was totally wild!

 

I also wish that I would have known that the intense pressure that I felt was not some bout of violent diarrhea but maybe, just maybe my water needing to break.  (I almost threw in the towel on our home birth because I thought I was going to cover my husband in "you know what"!) Silly I know but I couldn't help it!

 

More than anything though, I wish I could scream from the rooftops that birth can be exhilarating, empowering and here is the kicker...we women were made to do it!  We weren't "made" to sit at desks all day or to stand on our feet cutting hair all day but we were made to birth babies.  That is the one truth that can help you through those contractions and keep you feeling strong!

post #23 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleCapucine View Post


That milk letdown can be toe-curlingly painful, so if the baby seems latched well and then two minutes in it hurts, it could well be just letdown.
 
Oh my gosh. I forgot how much the letdown used to hurt. This passed for me and there is nothing remotely painful about nursing (anymore), but it used to hurt. A lot.
 
post #24 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleCapucine View Post


That milk letdown can be toe-curlingly painful, so if the baby seems latched well and then two minutes in it hurts, it could well be just letdown.
 
Oh my gosh. I forgot how much the letdown used to hurt. This passed for me and there is nothing remotely painful about nursing (anymore), but it used to hurt. A lot.
 
post #25 of 132

That the first time you go pee after birth you might have cuts and it will burn something horrible. I screamed and jumped off the toilet it surprised me and burned SOOOO bad. I told my midwife after and she was like thats what that squirt bottle is for that I left in the bathroom. How was I supposed to know?? lol
 

post #26 of 132
That if it ends in a c section, it's ok. Your babys birth is just as amazing and beautiful as natural delivery. I was so sad about it, then my husband said " how cool is it that you love this baby so much, you were willing to cut open your body just so you could hold him " It changed my whole attitude, my scar is proof of strength and love smile.gif
post #27 of 132

I wish someone had told me that even with a positive outlook on birth, even with the belief that our bodies are made to do this, even with a midwife and a birth center and the works... it might hurt really, really bad. So bad that if it had been possible, I would have walked away and committed to never, every having any children, bio or adopted, if only someone would make it stop hurting. I wish someone had told me that it might take weeks, if not months, to get over the trauma of that pain. But that I could and would move past it, and even actually want to have children again!

 

About postpartum - I wish someone had mentioned to me that I'd be peeing on myself for awhile, and that if I wouldn't wait so long to go to the bathroom, it wouldn't happen so much! I also wish I had known that if your stitches haven't dissolved by 2 weeks or so, you should really get someone to look at them, and possibly pull them out. Because healing will actually go so much better when they are gone! (I didn't know dissolving stitches could just fail to dissolve, but I know I'm not the only one this has happened to!)

post #28 of 132

I think people did tell me, I just didn't believe it.  That you won't really be in your normal frame of mind, and will be in a weakened and vulnerable state for people who had a specific agenda.

Also, take lots of photos.  You will wish you had them after the fact. 

 

When you have a homebirth and people decide to leave you alone for awhile, you may start to feel abandoned.  Same after the birth.  I didn't think I would actually miss being in the hospital, but there was something about how the nurses seemed to regard me, how they brought me meals and checked on me and told me I did a great job and my baby was beautiful--all that stuff that I didn't get afterwards giving birth at home.  So I did feel elated, but it was like, "Yay, I'm done, let's celebrate" and it was time to be quiet.  But I'm probably just weird like that.

post #29 of 132

How hospitals actually push c-sections... When I was reading about the birth and all, I always skipped the c-section because I thought it wouldn't happen to me... I cried from the moment the doctor told me I would have one to the moment I saw my baby... Must have been 8h....

post #30 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by magnoliasmom View Post

 

Oh and lastly, my goodness I wish someone had looked me in the face and said "TRUST YOURSELF!"

 

YES! I was pushing and totally ready to give up. I remember saying "I don't think I can do this" and both my midwife and my husband at the same time said "YES YOU CAN!". It was amazing to have that kind of support behind me and I owe it to them for helping me make it through and giving birth the way I wanted to.

post #31 of 132

I wish someone told me I'd get really hungry during labor. Everyone said you lose your appetite but when my MIL showed up and she had a bar of chocolate with her, I literally almost swallowed it.

 

I was so scared of an episiotomy and I did get one, but in all honesty, it healed very quickly. I was also horrified how it will look down there and the OB made me take a look to calm down about it. It didn't look bad at all. I forgot about it in two days.

 

I did not know that sometimes placentas do not come out. I had to have a very  minor operation with full anesthesia (woke up after 40 minutes and could breastfeed DD). If I had known about that before the birth it would have freaked me out but it was the best part! I woke up so happy & relaxed, they had already cleaned & stitched up everything without me going through additional pain.

 

I also learned that even if you prepared for months for an all-natural labor, a long and intensely painful one can make you lose your stamina and determination. I did not prepare for that. I did not care about anything natural in the end (after 26 hours).  After 3 hours of pushing, I found it so ironic that *I* demanded a c-section and they told me to try pushing for another half hour.  I'm glad they didn't listen to me; I pushed her out ten minutes later.

 

And I also did not know about postpartum elation. I almost felt guilty about it because I was so happy for the first few weeks after DD was born. I had a bit of the blues after that though.

post #32 of 132
As someone who grew up in a house filled with nurses & doctors I thought I would be prepared & knew all the terminology! What I didn't know to expect is the feeling you have when the epidural is administered I. Your spine! That week feeling in Your legs but not together - a tingle slightly pins & needles feeling one leg at a time- most terrifying! The how & when a catheter is inserted & how it is removed! The importance of getting up moving around after c-section no matter how uncomfortable ! The use. & importance of DISPOSABLE underwear
post #33 of 132
I wish I had heard about the possibility of pelvic organ prolapse and what that even was. I had never heard of it until maybe a month or so ago, after my second baby (a 9.5 pounder!) I have always heard about kegels and the importance of keeping the pelvic floor strong, but i never knew that avoiding pelvic organ prolapse was one of the main reasons for that.

I also recently read that something like 80-90% of post-partum women experience some degree of prolapse in the first weeks after birth. I'd always assumed that sort of thing was reserved for really old ladies. But it definitely makes the 6weeks without exercise rule seem much less arbitrary. Its so easy to feel like I ought to get back out there ASAP, but the longterm health of my pelvic floor is so much more important.
post #34 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanni View Post

Oh, and I wish I had known more about postpartum depression and had told myself it would be truly okay to ask for help. I didn't and I regret it.

 

Me too. 

post #35 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

I had never heard of an episiotomy until I was pregnant. I wish I'd known that word earlier. My life's mission became to avoid that, and luckily I did.

I learned through the birth process that having the baby isn't the end of it. I thought I'd have the baby and it would be all over! I also wish that had been better explained to me.

What did you learn that you wish you'd known?

 

1. I wish I had known that hypnobirthing, hypnobabies, and unmedicated childbirth techniques don't work for the vast majority of moms who give birth in hospital settings.  I allowed myself to expect a pain bearable childbirth, and when it wasn't bearable in the slightest, felt something was wrong with me. Had I known that childbirth is usually painful and sometimes excrutiating no matter how well a person prepares or how positive they are, I would have made the personal decision to prepare for a medicalized birth from the beginning and done more research away from the industry of natural childbirth.

 

2. I wish I had known just how damaging birth can be to my body at 32 and being kind of out of shape.  It's vastly different from a healtrhy woman in their early 20's; we just don't heal the same as we age.  I wish I had known how common nerve damage, epsiotomy damage, tearing damage, incontinence, etc, is, so that I could have opted for a scheduled c-section the first time around.  Instead, I picked a middle road of attempting a natural birth with a midwife in the hospital and wound of with the worst of both worlds.  (However, I am so happy my son was born healthy regardless of my personal woes).

 

3. I wish I had known how happy being a mom would make me, and how rewarding it is, and how proud I would feel, and how I was able to transcend my past problems and be good at it.  I might have started much sooner in life

post #36 of 132

To buy the disposable plate ware and the paper napkins.

 

That postpartum mental health issues can include OCD and anxiety, and that a lot of the concerns I had about breast-feeding vs bottle feeding, co-sleeping vs crib sleeping, etc, and other people's judgment were real concerns that had been grossly magnified through the filter of anxiety. That I didn't have to live in a state of constant tension and fear.  That counseling and medication are just tools, not signs of being broken.

 

 

 

 

 

.

post #37 of 132
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

1. I wish I had known that hypnobirthing, hypnobabies, and unmedicated childbirth techniques don't work for the vast majority of moms who give birth in hospital settings.  I allowed myself to expect a pain bearable childbirth, and when it wasn't bearable in the slightest, felt something was wrong with me. Had I known that childbirth is usually painful and sometimes excrutiating no matter how well a person prepares or how positive they are, I would have made the personal decision to prepare for a medicalized birth from the beginning and done more research away from the industry of natural childbirth.


2. I wish I had known just how damaging birth can be to my body at 32 and being kind of out of shape.  It's vastly different from a healtrhy woman in their early 20's; we just don't heal the same as we age.  I wish I had known how common nerve damage, epsiotomy damage, tearing damage, incontinence, etc, is, so that I could have opted for a scheduled c-section the first time around.  Instead, I picked a middle road of attempting a natural birth with a midwife in the hospital and wound of with the worst of both worlds.  (However, I am so happy my son was born healthy regardless of my personal woes).


3. I wish I had known how happy being a mom would make me, and how rewarding it is, and how proud I would feel, and how I was able to transcend my past problems and be good at it.  I might have started much sooner in life

Wow, we have had such different experiences. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you! I had my first baby in my my mid 30s and my second in my early 40s, both were natural births in hospitals, and I haven't had any problems after either of them.

But I totally agree with #3. If I knew how much I love kids, I might have had them earlier. On the other hand, late is when my husband and I were ready, and we've had a great deal of financial flexibility due to waiting. I think early vs. late is a choice where there are positives and negatives on both sides.
post #38 of 132
I learned that not all hoapitals want to drug you and C-section your baby. I had 2 awesome, natural, midwife attended births at my local hospital. One of them a water birth. I loved being taken care of for a couple days after birthing. The nearest birth center was expensive and they make you go home just a few short hours after birth.
I also wish I had known the first time, a baby that isn't latching in the first few days isn't doomed to be bottle fed. The second time around I sought out lactation support and learned it could take months. I never gave up and due to excellent support my baby finally nursed.
post #39 of 132

Give your baby a bottle as soon as possible and regularly. I didn't try one until DD was about 2 months old, and she wanted nothing to do with it. Also, I can't understand how I didn't know this at the time, but check beforehand to see how much control you will have over the process, and use that control to speak your mind. I was doing just fine until the nurse squeezed my belly into a sensor band the size of a pony tail holder and made me lie down. I wish I'd told her I preferred to remain standing for as long as possible.

post #40 of 132

I'm not in the tiny minority in the general public, just here, which makes sense.  I realize I'm in the minority of moms here who did not and would not enjoy another vaginal birth. It probably has to do partly with me not being afraid to share an unpopular opinion and also being one of the people who came here before I had any birth experience.   There are times when I feel like I don't belong here, for sure.  

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Birth and Beyond
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › What did you learn about birth that you wish someone had told you?