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What did you learn about birth that you wish someone had told you? - Page 3

post #41 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by gabklein View Post

Give your baby a bottle as soon as possible and regularly. I didn't try one until DD was about 2 months old, and she wanted nothing to do with it. 

 

I so totally agree with this. It seems like there is so much fear of getting a baby too accustomed to a nipple and instead they are too UNaccustomed to it.  My life would have been much easier if I could have had a break once a day, but it took my son three months before he would regularly accept a bottle, and another SIX months before he would accept a night feeding from a bottle.  

 

From my experience night breastfeeding creates long-term tendency to continue multiple wakings in the night, too.  I intend to introduce a bottle 1-2 weeks PP and try bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding at night as soon as 4 weeks PP.  It is very against "instinct" so I have to really plan it.  I am well aware of the convenience of boob, but in the long run it simply didn't work for me and DS.

 

This time around I have a plan and a schedule for when to introduce things like this to the new baby to make sure I'm not constantly running on empty in terms of sleep, energy, and general sanity.

post #42 of 132

How hard it can be to find your own cervix during labor.  I was very familiar with finding it before and during pregnancy, but when I had been laboring for about 12 hours and was getting tired, and the midwife suggested I could check myself if I wanted, it all felt completely foreign!  I could feel a little of the baby's head, and a lot of squishy tissue all around.  At the time, I thought the squishy-ness was just really ripe/soft cervix, and so I thought I must have a lot more dilating to do.  My midwife checked me a few hours later and declared me complete, and I started pushing.  Pushing wasn't feeling very effective and so I reached up again to check out how things felt, and it felt exactly as it had before.  I got really worried that I had gone backwards, and was pushing against my cervix.  Once I voiced my concern, my midwife said that with the baby descending, the walls of the vagina can get kind of bunched up, and that was probably what I was feeling.  I don't think I reached my cervix at all during labor.  I had read a lot of birth stories before, including ones where the mother checked herself, but never one that included details about what it might feel like in there!

post #43 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

 

Had I known that childbirth is usually painful and sometimes excrutiating no matter how well a person prepares or how positive they are, I would have made the personal decision to prepare for a medicalized birth from the beginning and done more research away from the industry of natural childbirth.

 

I really understand. Even though I'm still going for a natural birth this time around, I have no judgement [anymore] whatsoever for anyone wanting a medicalized one . I was that naive the first time around thinking that it can't be that bad. It wasn't that bad for some friends of mine but the pain I experienced was unbelievably excrutiating (even my midwife commented on the strength of the contractions, they were off the chart).  It also made me feel like somewhat of a failure that it took so long and I couldn't take it at the end.  I also feel a twinge of guilt when people talk about wonderful birth experiences. I just really wish that someone told me that you can be fit, very healthy, do everything right and birth will still not be a wonderful experience. I probably would not have believed them!

post #44 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by gabklein View Post

Give your baby a bottle as soon as possible and regularly. I didn't try one until DD was about 2 months old, and she wanted nothing to do with it. 

If you're breastfeeding, I'd avoid giving bottles until breastfeeding is off to a good start, unless you know you are going back to work within 6 weeks.  And even then, I probably still wait a couple of weeks.  My first child had bottles right away and developed an aversion to the bottle and refused to take it, and also her latch was bad and I had nipple trauma. My second one didn't have a bottle until she was 4 months old, and she was fine with it, and I didn't have the painful latching problems with her.  So I think it depends on the baby, and what the mother wants to accomplish by giving a bottle.  

post #45 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyKay View Post

I also feel a twinge of guilt when people talk about wonderful birth experiences. I just really wish that someone told me that you can be fit, very healthy, do everything right and birth will still not be a wonderful experience. I probably would not have believed them!

 

 I posed a question a few days ago asking what if it could be proven that c-section was safer for mother and child despite it's own risks, would you still choose natural birth?  Most people said yes.  I would have said yes before I had my son, too. But everyone has a different experience and perception of that experience. I did not believe the women who complained about the trials of natural birth.  I didn't want to because my hypnobabies told me that was wrong!  My own mom had me drug free and also says she would opt for a c-section if she could go back and do it over again.  I decided she was just being negative and that our bodies were meant to do this. Maybe some womens' are.  I don't care that mine isn't and don't feel any guilt about that.

 

I'm not terrified of natural birth but I have learned to be afraid of not being in control and not knowing what to expect.  With childbirth that is a tricky challenge to navigate and if it weren't for that and my extreme sensitivity, I would have a natural birth too.

post #46 of 132

Along the lines of what demeter has said, I wish I would have heard less about how birth is safe, because it's not, and it's not unsafe only because of "interference."  That would not have made any difference in my daughter's outcome (a perfect storm of bad luck circumstances that could not have been planned for), but it would have been more truthful.  Instead, I heard about how important it was to have positive thinking.  I think that there is a huge difference between the calm you have because you have faced your fear and know what you can and cannot control, and that you've made the best decisions you could with the information you have.... and denying that there is anything to be afraid of because you are afraid that being afraid will cause something bad to happen.  I see far too much of the latter sometimes.

 

Birth is dangerous.  As a species, we don't need a 100% survival rate and we don't all need to come out intact.  The odds are good, most of the time, and much of how birth goes is luck of one sort or another (access to appropriate, evidence-based care, the specifics of your own body, genetic issues, freak accidents) but when you're in the small percentage of people who lose a baby because of intrapartum issues or injuries, or have serious injuries to your own body, well, it effing sucks.  
 
And then once you're in the club no one wants to be in, you find out that the bad things are a lot more common than you thought.  My baby died and all of a sudden I knew thirty people whose babies also died.  In real life, not via the internet. 
 
Most of the time things do go well, but suffering is part of being human, and nothing we do makes us safe from death or pain.  And yet, just because we are all going to die doesn't mean you don't buckle your seat belt because you're just going around the block, kwim?  I'm not advocating for one kind of birth over another, but just for honesty about the fact that birth is not "safe."  We all have to come to terms with that fact somehow, but not by denying that it's true.  Admitting that birth is not safe is not negative thinking and it's not going to cause bad things to happen any more that admitting that driving is dangerous will cause you to get into an accident.  Birth is hard, it's beautiful, and it's a mystery and a miracle.  It's amazing that our bodies can do it and glorious when it goes right.  But it's not safe and I guess I'm kind of sick of hearing that it is.
post #47 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyclamen View Post

And then once you're in the club no one wants to be in, you find out that the bad things are a lot more common than you thought.  My baby died and all of a sudden I knew thirty people whose babies also died.  In real life, not via the internet. 
 

 

Cyclamen,  I went and found your post about your daughter.  I am so glad you are still here sharing your story.  It was so painful, so touching, and such an important reminder to me of how very precious a pregnancy in and of itself really is. A good friend of mine recently lost her pregnancy and I take nothing for granted. This memory of your daughter under the stars is just the most amazing and special way I could imagine honoring a child and I hope you and she will one day find each other again. Thank you for reminding us all of what is important.  Really.

post #48 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

 

Cyclamen,  I went and found your post about your daughter.  I am so glad you are still here sharing your story.  It was so painful, so touching, and such an important reminder to me of how very precious a pregnancy in and of itself really is. A good friend of mine recently lost her pregnancy and I take nothing for granted. This memory of your daughter under the stars is just the most amazing and special way I could imagine honoring a child and I hope you and she will one day find each other again. Thank you for reminding us all of what is important.  Really.

 

I hope this very much too.  I really believe that I will; I believe that she and I remain connected.  Thank you so much for your kind words here and in other threads.  It's amazing how words can help, but they do.  I've been thinking about my daughter a lot over the last few days, as I'm coming up on the 100 day anniversary of her birth.  It's been so important to me to share her story - talking about her helps me.  I also appreciate that you've been vocal about your own birth and mothering experiences.  I think it's so important for women to talk about the things that have happened to us.  It's part of our wisdom, to know about all the different ways that life can be for each of us.

post #49 of 132

That not being able to walk and talk through contractions isn't the best way to gauge the beginning of "real labor". For some of us, we don't reach that point 'til the end. I got to the delivery room no more than 5 minutes before my 2nd child was born, and had been at the mall right before that... at least I got to experience a completely natural birth after all. ^_^

 

 Also, we need more preparation for tearing, even after the first child. With such a fast birth, (2 pushes) it was pretty much inevitable. Tho at least it was only 1st-2nd degree, it's still not something I expected this time.

post #50 of 132
Aint that the truth sethsfairy.
post #51 of 132
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

I'm not in the tiny minority in the general public, just here, which makes sense.  I realize I'm in the minority of moms here who did not and would not enjoy another vaginal birth. It probably has to do partly with me not being afraid to share an unpopular opinion and also being one of the people who came here before I had any birth experience.   There are times when I feel like I don't belong here, for sure.  

I think a lot of us have areas where we sometimes feel we don't belong. When people talk about vaccines is where I feel that. Hugs to you!
post #52 of 132
That I could have opted out.....AMA against medical advice....of those heal pricks to check for hypoglycemia.
My son was 8 lbs and 14 oz and full term, nursed from birth and yet subject to the heel pricks, three of them. By the fourth i finally declined. The nurse said, that all the others had been normal, so she would not do another. He didn't even fit the criteria to begin with! He left the hospital almost at birtth weight a day and half later. We could have left a day earlier actually but my husband asked that we stay another day.......I digress.
Overall though the hospital staff was wonderful and followed my birth plan exactly (next time would include glucose testing wishes) and I really do appreciate the fact that the birth and staff were wonderful, and I birthed my son I way I had hoped to.
I just regret not opting out of the repeated blood glucose testing......FWIW I did accept the metabolic screen and no qualms with that testing.
post #53 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiago View Post

That I could have opted out.....AMA against medical advice....of those heal pricks to check for hypoglycemia.
My son was 8 lbs and 14 oz and full term, nursed from birth and yet subject to the heel pricks, three of them. By the fourth i finally declined. The nurse said, that all the others had been normal, so she would not do another. He didn't even fit the criteria to begin with! He left the hospital almost at birtth weight a day and half later. We could have left a day earlier actually but my husband asked that we stay another day.......I digress.
Overall though the hospital staff was wonderful and followed my birth plan exactly (next time would include glucose testing wishes) and I really do appreciate the fact that the birth and staff were wonderful, and I birthed my son I way I had hoped to.
I just regret not opting out of the repeated blood glucose testing......FWIW I did accept the metabolic screen and no qualms with that testing.

Glad you brought this  hypo test up, because I don't even remember it from my DS being in hospital.  I will ask about it. Thanks!

post #54 of 132

I really wish I had researched more about induction before agreeing to mine with DS. I had absolutely no idea how many "fail" and result in cesarean section (as mine did). Before researching induction, I also had no idea that it really WAS okay to go well past the EDD. I got the dead/sick/too big baby card from my OB. 

I guess I learned that babies really should come when they choose.

post #55 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamapigeon View Post

I really wish I had researched more about induction before agreeing to mine with DS. I had absolutely no idea how many "fail" and result in cesarean section (as mine did). Before researching induction, I also had no idea that it really WAS okay to go well past the EDD. I got the dead/sick/too big baby card from my OB. 
I guess I learned that babies really should come when they choose.


I Have had 2 friends with late babies that died... coincidence, maybe, scary none the less. I had my membranes stripped at 39 weeks.
post #56 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

Glad you brought this  hypo test up, because I don't even remember it from my DS being in hospital.  I will ask about it. Thanks!
They usually only test your baby if he is big or you have GD. I'm VERY glad they checked my DDs. Her blood sugar was 17! I had GD and she was LGA. Anyway, she didn't even flinch during the heel stick honestly.
post #57 of 132
Poop. Sincerely, I wish I had known I might poop while pushing a baby out. I was such an uptight young woman. I probably extended delivery 20 minutes because i was desperately trying not bear down that way. When I gave up and finally pushed how I neede to,, the baby was born within 10 minutes. But there was a whole lot of poop along the way.

The nurses thought they were doing me a favor by not complying with my doc's orders to give me an enema. I would have thought so, too! Enemas are a hold over from the old days! Well there's a reason women had enemas. oh well.

I couldn't speak about it for a few years after, and frankly it made me miserable.

eyesroll.gif

Edited for spelling.
Edited by journeymom - 8/4/13 at 1:19pm
post #58 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamapigeon View Post

I really wish I had researched more about induction before agreeing to mine with DS. I had absolutely no idea how many "fail" and result in cesarean section (as mine did). Before researching induction, I also had no idea that it really WAS okay to go well past the EDD. I got the dead/sick/too big baby card from my OB. 

I guess I learned that babies really should come when they choose.

 

Definitely this. Membrane sweeping lead to a C-section....all based on mother-age-related 'threats' (dying placenta, too big baby...etc).

In retrospect, probably hugely unnecessary - so what if she was going to be overdue by a few days.

Regret allowing myself to be bullied into the sweep - but then again, you seem to have zero choice, when faced with the enormity of the 'what if's' they present you with. No one wants to be responsible for even the tiniest amount of harm/distress to their unborn child.

 

Also - that my midwife, who had been on my pregnancy journey for months, was allowed to take a sleeping break just before I went for my section, and thus she missed the rest of events. Sleep?? What?? I didn't understand it - and resented being handed over to hospital staff. I never spoke to her about it afterwards - I should have.

 

Also - after a c-section, not being told/taught about proper massage techniques. 3 years later I seem to have mild adhesions, which give me pain pre-menstrually, and after a spicy meal (ahem). It's not super uncomfortable, but it could have been avoided maybe if I'd had a strict routine of appropriate massage (or something)?

 

Parenthood. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Nothing prepared me for any of this. Though, 3 years in, and with chronic insomnia...I'm perhaps a worse case than others (if my thread is anything to go by, I'm nearly the only one on the whole board with this problem!) Psychologically, and emotionally - becoming and being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done...and I don't know how I'm managing (sometimes, I think, I'm just not). I had vague thoughts about a second child, but these have been kyboshed, by being too exhausted and frankly, too old.

post #59 of 132

I wish I had known more about how difficult the postpartum period would be.  Breastfeeding was really hard to get started; I couldn't sit normally for a couple weeks; going to the bathroom was a small ordeal; and I felt like crying every day thinking I was doing a terrible job.  It was rough.  Although I suppose if someone had told me, I might not have paid much attention.  I was more focused on preparing for the birth that I thought everything afterwards would be difficult but ok. 

post #60 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grover View Post

Parenthood. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Nothing prepared me for any of this. Though, 3 years in, and with chronic insomnia...I'm perhaps a worse case than others (if my thread is anything to go by, I'm nearly the only one on the whole board with this problem!) Psychologically, and emotionally - becoming and being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done...and I don't know how I'm managing (sometimes, I think, I'm just not). I had vague thoughts about a second child, but these have been kyboshed, by being too exhausted and frankly, too old.

 

 

No, no, no, you are not the only one.  I guarantee it.  hug2.gif  I don't know how reassuring that is to you, to know you're not the only one. Specifically the anxiety, for a lot of us.  The insomnia and anxiety make a nice little feedback loop, each feeding the other.

 

How old are you, may I ask?  Exhaustion and sleep deprivation aren't exactly the same, but both can be crazy-making and disheartening. They just take wind right out of your sails.  Sleep deprivation was my particular problem and I think it probably took years off my life.

 

Are you getting medical attention for your insomnia?  

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