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My Road Through Infertility
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The Saner TTC-Thunder Moon - Page 29post #562 of 67711/10/13 at 9:47pmQuote:
Yes, mares. This. I am right there with you.
Wengrin -- congratulations! That's an awesome line!
Mamablue -- Thinking sticky thoughts at you. Do you do betas?
Chuord -- My heart sank with you as this cycle's rollercoaster did its thing. I was worried for you re: ectopic, so I am glad that was not the case nonetheless, the whole thing is just damn unfair. You're going to be such a good mom... I am so hopeful for you.
Oxford -- I am so sorry for your diagnosis. I may have missed it, but have you and your doc discussed treatment options to help conceive? I don't have experience with polycystic ovaries, but maybe having your diagnosis will help your doctor help you? Many hugs to you.
If I missed anyone, please forgive me. I'm having a bit of a rough time. DH's best friend's wife got pregnant right when I did with the one I lost in May. She was due three days after I would have been. It ended up being twins... That twist of fate just felt cruel. It took quite a while before I could interact with her again. I didn't want to dampen their happiness, but it just hurt. Anyway, she was admitted to the hospital this week and will probably be delivering soon. It's all over Facebook, and I just keep looking at that belly thinking "That should be me. I should be a month away from a new baby right now." My due date would have been December 18, and I am hurting thinking about that date arriving and not being pregnant. It's mildly depressing. I am really hoping that I'll be able to separate thoughts of my loss from her babies. Need to do some meditating on that.
Otherwise, we're okay. I'm about 2 DPO, and we timed our BD pretty well this month, so we'll see. DH and I took a long bike ride this morning with DD which pretty much wiped me out for the day. I broke down and took some Advil, which I know can mess up implantation, but my muscles were just screaming. We went for eight miles over hilly terrain, and my office worker body just isn't used to that. So, we'll see. I can only hope my uterus will forgive me this once.
I am sorry for all the maudlin posts lately, have just been processing a lot. I will try to recover my zen very soon.post #563 of 67711/11/13 at 12:53amWengrin- congratulations! That's is a beautiful BFP! I love seeing big, bold, dark lines. You so deserve it my friend, well done :-)
Have you told DH? Is he excited? Your DD and DS are going to love watching your tummy grow. Please do continue to hang out with us.
Mamablue- have you taken your FRER yet? I am so excited to hear about how you tell your hubster!! Please also stick around with us, I've so enjoyed my journey with you and wengrin. You inspire me after overcoming your painful treatments and going on to get that BFP!
Primal- lovely to see you back my dear. Big hugs for you on the twins, that is heart breaking. Be kind to yourself and know during the next hard month that you can do whatever you need to get through it and care for your body and soul. Can you book in some nice treats to keep you going? Big hugs.
Chuord- sorry you are out after the exciting symptoms. I will definitely be here with you next month buddy :-)
Scjp- lovely to hear from you. I agree in the advice to change your doctor, they are such a varied bunch. You deserve the best.
Over here I wasn't going to do any monitoring this month. I am not allowed to get pregnant this month after my procedure, so we have been using protection. However it seems to be a textbook month, typical! I had 5 days of EWCM, which I haven't had for at least the last 5 years, it's now down to one or two at my age! Then I cheated and did 4 days of temping just to see O and it seemed to happen on cd16. I know a temp rise does not guarantee actually releasing an egg, but it looks like a totally regular cycle. So now I'm confused! That's a while year of regular cycles except those last two (39 and 45 days). I don't know whether that counts as abnormal periods, and therefore I have PCOS, or not abnormal periods overall which mean I have polycystic ovaries like a lot if women. I would like to try the clomid though and see if it helps. Is anyone on clomid? Or had any experience in the past? Once I get AF out of the way, we are going to do lots of BD and throw the charts out of the window!!
Baby dust to you all!post #564 of 67711/11/13 at 4:57amThanks everyone!
Oxford- I believe I have polycystic ovaries. I know I get painful cysts...I had one diagnosed in the ER about 7 years ago because I was having pain and vomiting for like 12 hours so I went in. All they could find was the cyst. My OB said that being off BC contributes to cystic ovaries. I guess all the natural hormones causes the cysts. I believe many women have it. Also when I went in for a fertility consult on October 30th my OB did bloodwork and told me the next step was to try Clomid. He said it is just the jump start that many women need to get a nice strong O. I would love for you to try and and see what happens! Of course there is like a 10% chance of hyper stimulation of ovaries and conceiving twins. But I was ready to try it if I had not conceived this cycle. I'm excited for you because you have a plan and this will hopefully be an easy solution! I will definitely keep up with you all here!
Mamablue- those dollar tree tests are the same sensitivity as my IC, I think 20-25 units of hcg. So to see any progression at all...even gradual is good. If you look at mine you can barely see any progression until that last one at the end. And that is only because I waited 48 hours to do the last one. So don't lose hope. I understand that most women don't get the dark line until they are a day or two late for their period. I hope you get a nice line on your FRER. Hugs!!
Primaljoy- my heart ached reading your story about your loss after being pregnant at the same time as DH's best friends wife. That must be so painful to watch her progress and to have twins as well...it's like a double punch. I know that happened to my mom and her best friend when she got pregnant with me. They both were due around the same time and looked forward to being pregnant together. Well her bf lost the baby and she was devastated. It was really hard for her to even be there for my mom because it just reminded her of her loss. She ended up getting pregnant right around the time I was born. So they were able to reconnect and her daughter and I played together when we were growing up and became good friends. Well, sadly when she was 17 she was murdered, and of course that was completely devastating. So I know that my moms friend and I keep up on Facebook and she loves seeing pictures of my family, but it is again a painful reminder of where her daughter would be in life, had she not been killed. I don't know how to move past that pain...that would be consuming.
Sorry for the sad story but I just wanted to let you know that your feelings are completely validated....and I sincerely hope that you and DH conceive soon so that you can celebrate the new baby and put the pain of your loss behind you.
I am not out of the woods yet. I will feel better once I get farther along and can see the ultrasound. I think that's in a couple of weeks. I am going in today to have betas checked again to see if they're rising the way they're supposed to.
I have told DH and he is thrilled...but I am not telling anyone else (other than a couple of my close friends). I am going to keep it a secret from family and children as long as possible. Until I am through the first trimester preferably. Although my DD is a sleuth and she figures things out really quick. So once she knows, I might as well make an announcement on Good Morning America!! She can't keep a secret to save her life....lol.
I think she is going to be so excited, but DSD (15) and DSS(11) might not be so thrilled. I know DSD is getting ready for college and she has her heart set on this private school....which is ridiculously expensive. So this may put a damper on her chances of that. Plus she told me the other day that one of her mom's friends just found out she is pregnant and she is 45! (They struggled with infertility and needed help conceiving the children that they have) and now boom she is pregnant. DSD said "I was so shocked and I didn't know what to say! I was like gosh y'all are in your 40's!! What the heck??" So I think she is grossed out and can't imagine still having sex in your 40's...lol. And DSS just started middle school so recently had the talk about sex and where babies come from. He was very sheltered and naive...anyway I can just see him putting it all together. Lol......
At any rate we are excited and I am hopeful that the betas are going up and this bean sticks! :-)post #565 of 67711/11/13 at 9:29amMare - You wanted to know how soon after O pain is ovulation. The answer is tricky. Some people feel pain before O because their follicle is big and stretched tight. Some people feel pain at the time of O when the follicle bursts. Some people feel pain after O because the ovary is a little tender and/or because the follicular fluid caused irritation to the surrounding tissues. It varies from person to person and even cycle to cycle.
Chourd - Interesting thoughts on progesterone. The yam cream sounds like a great idea. Have you always been a spotter before AF? Have you had an untrasound to rule out fibroids or polyps?
Primal - I am sorry you are having a rough time. It's totally natural to feel that grief. My SIL has had to go through a very similar experience twice. For her, the expectation of the upcoming labor and delivery and then hearing about the birth were the hardest. In one of the situations, she started to feel much, much better after she went to see the baby. In the other, the healing is taking some time, but that situation is a little more complex than just the baby.
Oxford - Lovely to hear from you! I have taken clomid. My oldest daughter was conceived during my fourth cycle taking it. I took it again when TTC my second baby, and it didn't result in pregnancy, but it turns out that I had a large undiagnosed uterine polyp that was very likely interfering with implantation. That's not clomid's fault. Clomid works for many people. It's worth a try!
Wengrin - I'm looking forward to hearing about you great beta numbers.
AFM - 14dpo. My dollar tree tests are still light, but I do think I'm seeing progress. The great news though is that my FRER was fabulous. Darker than the control line, even. I feel like I really do have a good chance at a sticky bean. Time to tell DH and go get a beta!post #566 of 67711/11/13 at 10:18am
Oh Primal, You don't have to apologize for anything. We're here for you, no matter how you are feeling. It is no burden at all to support and listen to each other when we are feeling sad or happy or anything in-between. There is a quote from my favorite book, "Animal Dreams" by Barbra Kingslver where she says: "A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had. But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she'll know." I always felt like that was a very profound quote. I hope you like it.
Wengrin, I'm excited to hear about more great betas! I am glad you are allowing yourself to feel excitement. I certainly am on your behalf! When I got pregnant with DS Clementine was 3 and she kept it a secret for months! It was awesome, I was very proud of her.
Chourd, how are you today? The cream sounds really interesting.
ETA: MamaBlue, that is so exciting!! Your DH will be thrilled! Feel free to post a picture of the FRER if you want to I'm so happy for you and so glad you are feeling positive about this little bub!
AFM - I really don't want to get my hopes up, so I'm trying not to symptom spot. I sometimes feel like my breasts are a little achy (but not definitely. I could be wrong), and I threw up a little in my mouth last night (??) but I wasn't feeling sick, I think it may have been because DS was sleeping on my lap and putting pressure on my stomach. I also have felt a little weepy, but with so much stress that really isn't surprising, and it is also one of those occasional PMS symptoms... doesn't always happen, but definitely does sometimes. Feeling very sad about the Typhoon and loss of life and what the survivors are going through now.post #567 of 67711/11/13 at 11:10amMamablue- Awesome about the FRER!!! So happy for you. I have a good feeling about you. I bet your hubby is going to be thrilled! You are very knowledgeable about ovulation. You are a great resource for help and info!
Mares- I hope your signs mean something is going on in there!! I agree- it is so sad to hear what happened to the people in the Phillipines. I can't imagine the devastation. It really puts things into perspective when you consider those that don't have food or shelter for their families. I try not to take for granted the little things, and this certainly helps bring all of the things we need to be grateful for to mind. I can't believe your sweet little Clementine kept that a secret!! My girl is a talker and she is very grown for her britches....she has the "I need to know everything" attitude and it drives me crazy but that's the way God made her. She can't stand to not know what is going on...but she already suspects. We got a new computer the other day and hubby mentioned to her that we were getting a surprise and she was like "WHAT A NEW BABY!!!" Lol....I am sure she sees the history when she gets on my iPhone or uses the iPad...I am always looking stuff up that is pregnancy related. So she is sniffing it out. :-)post #568 of 67711/11/13 at 12:37pmWow! So much chatting going on - this is great please bear with me as I'm on my phone lol and personals will be hard with this volume lol... (I had a great friend visit for dinner, and had a huge headache so was AWOL)
Mares - hugs, it sounds like regardless of your outcome this month you are in for the hormonal emotional fun ride this month - vent as often as you need, we understand . I laughed at the threw up a little, I get that sometimes too.
Primal - you have my sympathy and I feel your pain... One of my best friends is due in a week or two, she told me she was pregnant and I had my painful April early loss a few days after... Don't feel bad it's really nothing to do with them - just our own frustration (but I know you know that) all we can do us allow ourselves the time to heal, and or get pg to recover. Dh used to suffer (before I was well enough to try) whenever someone announced a pg as I'd be miserable for a week - to me it was a reminder that time was rolling and didn't let me on the train. I hope you find something fabulous to do on your 'expected' due date to help you through.
Wengrin - omg that is one dark hpt! Totally awesome, I'm glad dh is happy and am hoping very soon you can just enjoy xxx
Very glad to hear you'll be with us for a while . Re me, I'm not young in baby years lol (39) also although I had a scan 3-5 years ago when I had strong abdominal pain (small normal cyst is all) I haven't recently... I have been doing the natural stuff and checking with my family doc - she said not to worry about IF testing for a while (although almost there lol) I don't feel we have too much trouble getting pg, I just feel holding it is my issue... I'll try this cream for a month and then get tests if no joy...
Oxford - great to hear you are doing ok with your 'break' month.... I'm so excited for you on your new protocol, I think the ladies are right it's probably possible to have a mild case - so hopefully the drugs will make you super fertile - that's the real super hero don't you know
Mama blue - I'm with mares, please can we see the super strength frer? I'm so happy for you that this looks so strong... I hope dh is as excited as you re my spotting - as long as I can remember ,except when on BC) I never used to check when it was due so it was like a friendly reminder...
Sorry for anything I missed.
My AF is very weird, only one day of flow (and that was only when I went to the loo (tmi sorry) back to barely spotting... Also temps are still dancing around lol... Bring on the cream!
Edited by chuord - 11/11/13 at 1:11pmpost #569 of 67711/11/13 at 1:44pmChourd - Glad to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear about your migrane. Do yours tend to appear around AF time? I was thinking about your family doctor wanting you to wait before looking into things. Here in the States the guideline is to consult a fertility specialist after 12 months of trying if under 35, or after 6 months of trying if 35+. Is it like that in Australia?post #570 of 67711/11/13 at 1:50pmMama blue - yes it is like that I think, but my gp is really nice - she did say if nothing by now then we'd talk... So I'm making an appointment for this week - I'm thinking an ultrasound would be a good start.
Re migraines - they used to be daily, but now they are mainly around AF - although I generally have none the first half if a cycle and lots of annoying headaches the second half - lol it's taken me a while to realize... That added to the spotting and severe moodiness all point to progesterone to me... Although its in pc at least I know I can hold a pg from my way earlier termination... I can't remember who mentioned the twitchy cervix - but that was where all my aching was this time around - its still a little tender now... So that fits with the closing and then opening... Lol I think this month we'll do another home iui just to ensure a good shot...post #571 of 67711/11/13 at 2:01pmI want to show you my dollar tree progression along with my FRER test. It's now my opinion that dollar tree tests are very sensitive but that they don't darken up very well. Maybe it's the dye, or the fact that the test strips inside the cassette are minuscule. That may explain the early positive, but the slow darkening.
They're all pretty darn light. Today I took a frer at the same time. The test line is on the left on both tests.
So my conclusion is that dollar tree tests are good for early detection, but that another brand would likely be better for daily inspection of test lines.post #572 of 67711/11/13 at 2:20pmpost #573 of 67711/11/13 at 10:11pmpost #574 of 67711/12/13 at 3:56ampost #575 of 67711/12/13 at 5:03ampost #576 of 67711/12/13 at 7:42am
What a beaut of a line Wengrin! So happy for you! :-) Thanks re the pinches too. I think you are right.
Chourd thanks for research! I will definitely check that out!
Mare's I've got everything possible crossed for you (even my eyes! which makes typing challenging!) that you are with-bean so sooon!
Mamablue! Congratulations!!!! Yayyyyyy!
Hope everyone has a great day!post #577 of 67711/12/13 at 8:56amCricket, thank you so much!! That's so nice.
AFM - Clementine turned seven today! I can't believe it. As close as I can figure I'm 10 DPO and...
It came up after the 3 mins, but it is definitely there! I tried to tweak it a bit to make it more visible online. I will test again in a few days, but feeling excited! Unfortunately I told DH and he is stressed about money and is happy, but can't get excited right now. His severance check bounced (wtf?) and we are getting hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees, and have no money for moving or food or anything until it is clears up. But I don't care because I'm pregnant!!post #578 of 67711/12/13 at 9:34am
Mares you don't even need to tweak it! I see it I see it! SO happy for you!
Re the no money part - it can certainly be very stressful but as everyone always tells me because we don't have very much money either, it always has a way of working out.
My cousins say they had the best childhood and they had very little money. When all others were vacationing away they went camping locally and it was called a vacation and they never felt deprived. Their mom/my auntie started a garden and grew some of the most deelish food and they never went hungry. The LOVE is all that matters. If you have that the rest will come to you as needed. It just does. The universe is full of magic and wonder and you will no doubt be blessed I'm sure.post #579 of 67711/12/13 at 9:40ampost #580 of 67711/12/13 at 9:57amMares- OMG!! I totally see it! That is such great news!! Wow!!
I know that this is financially not the ideal time but I 100% agree with Water mama that things have a way of working out. If you have love (which it totally sounds like you do) then you have so much more than people with money. I know it must be stressful...WTF about severance check bouncing?! Can you apply for assistance in your state? Or maybe cause you are moving you might want to wait..just know that things will work out and love is the most powerful force in the universe!! (I got that from a Disney movie but it is so true!)
So happy for you!!
Growing up we struggled. I didn't realize how much until now that I look back on it. We had parents who loved us though and that is all that matters. We went camping...went to the park a lot, we found ways to have fun that didn't cost a lot. Now that I am a mom and I stay at home, I get creative to find fun that is free also.
So happy for you!!!!!
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